Euro 2004 - First Week Edition

One week since the kickoff of the shocking 2-1 opening tournament victory of Greece over Portugal, Sports Amnesia has some tips, observations and further predictions.

Euro 2004's Worst Side

The nominees are the Russians and the Bulgarians, both of whom have failed to score in either match they've played. The Russians have been outscored by Portugal and Spain by a 3-0 margin and the Bulgarians have been outscored by the Danes and the Swedes by a 7-0 margin. For those who think that having the Russian players' wives flaunt nekkid photos of themselves wasn't inspirational simply because the Russian team has looked limp, lackluster and lamentable in their two scoreless outings, just think about what those scores against the Spanish and Portugese would have been without some delicious Russian flesh to fill their dreams in the Komsomolskaya Pravda every day. After all, if the Bulgarians can lose to an the Swedes 5-0, what might have stopped the Russians from losing 10-0 to an inspired Portugese side were it not for those wanton wives? Well, if you listen to Bulgairan national coach Plamen Markov it's all in the defence. "We should have been more defensive in the first game," he said, referring to the 5-0 drubbing by Sweden. Hmmmm. What a novel concept. Perhaps this enlightnment is why they only lost 2-0 to the Danes. Rediscovered their defence.

Whilst Latvia was long considered the shoe-in for this award, (and who wouldn't have made them favourites after having won just two of their matches in 2004, beating Slovenia and Kazakhstan, drawing with Azerbaijan and Iceland, whilst losing to Belarus, Hungary and the Czech Republic?), the fact that they opened the scoring against the Czechs the other day despite losing, already puts them one up on the Russians and Bulgarians.

And today might even see them add to their list of accomplishments. The Latvians have faced the Germans only twice, in the nascent Nazi years of 1935 and 1937, and lost both matches by a 6-1 aggregate. This was the beginning of the end. Not long thereafter, the effects of the infamous Molotov-Ribbentrop agreement of 1939 had steadily forced Latvia under Soviet influence until August 5, 1940, when the Soviet Union finally annexed Latvia. It hasn't been a pretty last century for the Latvians to date but even a draw against the Germans would invoke a modicum of deserved nationalist fervor.

Upset Specialists

Perhaps the biggest upset of Euro 2004 has been how few upsets there have been. Sure, the opening match saw Greece knock off host Portugal 2-1 and then saw them draw against Spain and currently see them leading their group. But these aren't really upsets. First of all, Portugal and Spain are notorious underachievers who choke in the clutch and second of all, the Greeks were no pushovers to begin with, despite their lack of positive PR. After all, they qualified ahead of Spain to get here and after losing their first two matches of the qualifiers, went on a tear, winning their last 6 matches by an 8-0 margin, including a 1-0 victory over Spain in Spain, not to mention drawing against Portugal in November in a friendly. Hardly a record of underdogs.

They aren't without their colourful characters either. Otto Rehhagel, the Greek coach, has whinged about the colour of the nets, despite the Greek success: "It is a catastrophe," he said. "They are black. This could only have been the work of some bureaucrat, not a football man. They are mournful, ugly nets. Fans want to see the ball going into white nets."

Indeed, strike another blow for the work of bureaucrats and mournful, ugly nets. Maybe if they'd been white nets, the Greeks wouldn't have found them so often so far.

Francesco Totti

The Italian's lackluster performance to date which see them needing a big victory over Bulgaria to advance, is nothing compared to the humiliation they've suffered at the hands of their star striker caught spitting in the face of Denmark's Christian Poulsen in their opening match draw. Totti is quite a sportsman. In the 2002 World Cup, he was sent off for diving in the closing stages of the match against South Korea which triggered the Azzurri's humiliating exit from the World Cup. Lucky for the Italians, Totti, despite his notoreity, is not a player they can't do without.

The Teens Have It

At the other end of the spectrum, England have fallen hard for their 18 year old new golden boy and national hero, Wayne Rooney, following two strong performances against the French and the Swiss, which included two goals, one of which made him the youngest player ever to score in the European Championships. This isn't a total shocker, as many had forseen this tournament as being Rooney's moment of glory. One particularly clairvoyant punter actually bet £25,000 that Rooney would finish as England's top scorer at Euro 2004.

Now England's manager, Erickson has jumped on the bandwagon, calling Rooney the best teenager he's ever worked with, including Roberto Baggio and Rui Costa.

And don't think this doesn't make the lads at Everton ecstatic. They'll be sorry to see him go but they won't be sorry to pocket at least £45 million when he does.

Lost in all the hoopla has been the impressive debut of Germany's 19 year old Bastian Schweinsteiger, who came on as a substitute in the 68th minute of Tuesday's match against Holland and made several penetrating runs on the right, creating space for himself by being in constant motion and dribbling with dazzle. First of all, you've got to like his name, which means roughly someone who raises pigs in German. This seems apropos, considering the team he plays for. Like Rooney, he's been a bit wild, lost in the excesses of fame and youth. Unlike Rooney, he didn't start, nor did he score, but he has established himself as one of Germany's top young players and future stars. Perhaps these two will go neck-in-neck in the 2006 World Cup some day.

The success of Portugal's Cristiano Ronaldo, despite his idiotic love affair with step-overs at Manchester United, was hardly a surprise. After coming on to score a consolation goal in Portugal's 2-1 loss to Greece, he made a perfect outside-of-the-foot cross that Rui Costa stabbed home for the insurance goal against Russia and has strongly established himself as Rooney's top opponent for Teen of the Tournament. Chances are he will join the starting 11 when Portugal take on Spain in the most important match left in Group A. Portugal hasn’t beaten Spain for 23 years. They played nine months ago in Portugal, and Spain won 3-0. Ronaldo could triggering mass euphoria across Portugal if he leads them into the quarterfinals.

Oddest Stadium of the Lot

Watching the Danes and Bulgarians yesterday, one couldn't help but be stunned by how odd Braga Municipal Stadium looks. The stadium was built in a former stone quarry, and has only two high lateral stands whose roofs are held up by steel cables across the breadth of the pitch. Behind one goal is a rocky hill, into which the 30,000 capacity stadium was built, and on the other is an open plain with a stunning view of a valley. In other words, a missed chance could go sailing over the goal and into the yawp of the valley waiting below.

Today's Matches

On paper, Latvia-Germany hardly looks like a heart-stopper. But Latvia beat Turkey to get here and also beat Sweden recently, so they aren't the mice they appear to be. After Germany's cowardly lone-striker underdog display against Holland Head Chimp Rudi Voller says he is feeling brave enough to use a second striker against Latvia. Even with their single striker option, the German defence looked like Swiss cheese against the underachieving Dutch and one might consider that Maris Verpakovskis, the Latvian speedster who scored against the Czechs, could be a factor again. Rooting with heart instead of head, Sports Amnesia goes with a 1-1 draw.

Czechs against Holland promises to be a very exciting match although Holland's apathetic midfield play when the Dutch idiot Advocaat started Boudewijn Zenden in midfield instead of Wesley Sneijder, would presume the Czechs to have a rather easy time against them. The Czechs have already humiliated the Dutch once in their qualifying round and the are still the sweethearts of this group. Due to Advocaat's stubborn stupidity, mark this down as Czechs 2 Holland 1.

This means the Czechs clinch their group with 6 points, followed by Germany with 2 points, and Latvia and Holland with 1 following today's matches. That sets up the hope that the Dutch beat Latvia and the Czechs humiliate Germany to see the Czechs and Dutch through to the quarterfinals.

Euro 2004 Special

Only a day and a half until the first match of the Euro 2004, between hosts Portugal and Sports Amnesia's very own darkhorse, Greece, slated to open the tournament. Sports Amnesia predicts this match will be an upset and will spur the Greeks on to a quarterfinals showing. In fact, it isn't just Sports Amnesia thinking this. Even the Greeks have issued a warning that the Portugese shouldn't take them lightly. Here's a look at each Group:

Group A: (The Group of Sun. Three of the Four teams in this group come from warm, sunny places. The fourth comes from a cold, dismal place.)

The stench of historical underachievement prevails in a grouping which has Spain, a team who prior to every tournament, is considered one of the best teams on paper before some sort of melodramatic reality of self-denial and choking swoops down and carries them off from their lofty expectations. Every tournament appears to demonstrate that the expectation is simply too much for the Spaniards to handle. You might have fallen for the prank in the 2002 WC and even the Euro 2000 but from here, it will be a surprise if Spain, despite their immense talent, dont' choke yet again and allow the weight of expectation to foil them.

Portugal is just two years removed from a World Cup humiliation that saw them fail to advance past their own group round despite having assembled one of their best teams ever. Were Spain not in this Group already usurping the Lifetime Underachievement award, I don't know that Portugal would get past this group either. But as hosts, it's a moral obligation.

Greece, (80-1 odds against winning) as previously noted, is the darkhorse candidate in Sports Amnesia's stable despite having been outscored 0-10 in their last international showing in the 1994 World Cup in America. This could prove either to be an amazing feat of prescience or an idiotic and transparently foolish effort at predicting the unpredictable but the Greeks, having cocked up the Olympic Games already before they've even started, will have to save face somewhere. That translates to an opening match draw against Portugal, an inexplicable victory over Spain where everyone will smack themselves in the forehead wondering why they didn't see the Spain derailment coming from 100 miles away. Before defeating the Russians and moving on to the next round.

And Russia, the token cold, dismal country of the group, stands one of the better chances of anyone in the Championship to exit their Group pointless. The Russians only qualified because the brave and heroic Welsh side lost their argument in court that Russia should have been disqualified for having allowed a player who later tested positive for drugs to play on their side. The Welsh, those silly people, should have known that the Russians would prevail. It's a big set up, you see. Let the Russians in just so you can urinate on them after they've fallen down drunk and incoherent. Take it easy, Wales. Your revenge is coming.

Predicted order of finish: 1. Portugal 2. Greece 3. Spain 4. Russia

Group B: (The Group of Not-Quite Death, But Painful Nonetheless)

Of course, the cataclysmic confrontation between France and England this Sunday dominates the expectations of this group although ultimately, it may not have as much bearing on the outcome of the group itself as one might expect. You could look at it myopically; that regardless of whether France beat England or England beat France, both would be able to humble Switzerland and Croatia, making the result of their own match significant only in deciding who earns a first place showing and who gets the second place slot.

France, who won the 98 WC and the Euro 2000 before stumbling out of the blocks without Zidane in the 2002 WC, have every reason to expect a repeat as Euro Champs. Normally, a team this talented would suffer the danger of overconfidence but having been humiliated in the 2002 WC already, there is little chance that they will take anything lightly along the way. If they remember even further back, they can think about 1992 when they arrived to the Euro Championships with a perfect record in qualifying, winning all eight matches, including four against countries as strong as Spain and the former Czechoslovakia. They went on to draw against Sweden, draw against England and lose to Denmark, getting knocked out in the opening round. This time around, look for them to defeat the English in their opening match and trample competition from there on.

On the other hand, England should be happy to lose to the French in their opening match. It will prevent them from becoming deflated and overconfident and lethargic when they face Croatia and Switzerland, their two most important matches. In fact, it will be the wounding of England by France that will allow the English intestinal fortitude and clear-headed focus to push through to the next round.

As for Croatia, this will be the best team not to make it through to the next round. They can certainly defeat Switzerland and frankly, if the English didn't have to beat them to advance, there is a good chance the Croats could defeat them too. But the logical sequence, as outlined above, is England losing to France and fighting their way through to advance. If the sequence were, let's say, England defeating France in the opener, well then, I'd say there was a good chance England would do something foolish, like lose to Switzerland, but that would of course, mean the French would take the Croats seriously and well, let's just stick with the notion that the Croats will be dangerous but the Croats will not go forward.

You'd be hard pressed for me to make a case that Switzerland even belong here. Yeahyeah, they won their stinking qualifying group, in essence, by beating Ireland and Romania and letting Russia pound them. This isn't a good team and the absurdists chanting warnings in the background should be silenced rather quickly after the Croats dismantle them. Switzerland is not a football country. It is a country of mountain climbers and bankers.

Predicted order of finish: 1. France 2. England 3. Croatia 4. Switzerland

Group C: The Snooze Attack

They say that the Group of Death is Group D but for my money, Group C is the most even and will be the most hotly contested of all the groups.

Italy, with their immensely talented squad, would be an exciting ticket against any three of these teams but the reality is, Trapattoni will have his side snooze attack football and the matches that don't end up 0-0 draws will end up being 1-0 victories.

One of the favourite darkhorses of the tournament are Bulgaria, which some might find surprising given that they're 80-1 odds against winning the title. It wasn't so very long ago (1996) that the Bulgarians took the quarterfinals against Germany and shocked everyone. But this sort of idealistic reminiscing is rather pointless when considering that Stoitchkov is no longer around to save them. Their opening match against Sweden will likely decide who gets to be Italy's handmaiden going into the quarterfinals.

Sweden, the 9th most likely of the 16 squads to win the tournament according to Sky Bets, closes their first round against Scandanavian archrivals, Denmark. This will be in essence, a matchup of rigid, practical furniture against cheap, mass-manufactured furniture, the deadly battle of Ikea vs. Dansk Møbelkunst. I won't be shy about this: what this really boils down to is a battle of the national drinks and I'm rooting all out for a Danish victory. After all, why should a country which produces beers like Tuborg and Carlsberg be defeated by a side that, yes, produces http://absolut.com/">Absolut and all their fancy advertisements but yes, also produces something as utterly undrinkable as Crocodile Beer??

Predicted order of finish: 1. Italy 2. Denmark 3. Bulgaria 4. Sweden

Group D The Group of Death

Yes, it sounds very ominous indeed but in reality, this group amounts to one quality side, one habitually underachieving side, one side which historically do well but just don't have the players to do it again and one side that well, beats it's chest about nothing.

It's no secret why so many are enamoured with the chances of the Czech Republic. Need we remind how they steamrolled through their qualifiers without losing a match and defeated their own group rivals, Holland, once already? (echoes of 1992 France, anyone?) Their opening match against Latvia could produce one of the most lopsided outcomes of the tournament.

As we know, Latvia haven't much to root for. Yes, they did humiliate the Turks in Turkey no less (something not even the English couldn't do) to qualify. But don't look for the Latvians to sweep through the tournament as much more than a foil to the other three squads. It's been done before, in equally shocking fashion, way back in 1992, when the Danes, who only qualified because Yugoslavia, in the middle of a civil war, withdrew, ended up winning the whole bloody tournament but if you're looking for some sort of repeat, forget it. But Latvia aren't ready for that role just yet.

What you've got instead after the Czech Republic are historical hatreds and quite probably, uninspired play. You might wonder who will be more likely to show up, the Holland who destroyed the Scots to make it into the Euro 2004 or the Holland who lost to Ireland 1-0 last week and played with a collective uninspiration that was inspiring in its degree of apathy. The hint here is that manager Dick Advocaat has finally come to his senses, by naming Van Nistelrooy as the lone striker and benching the perennially All-Apathetic captain, Patrick Kluivert so that some of the young and hungry Dutch can have a chance to show their flash and style before they too become indifferent, swollen millionaires with no effort in their play.

This decision, in fact, is what will propel the Dutch past Germany in their opening match. I don't care what the Germans have done in the past. I don't care how they are like the inverse of the Spaniards, a side whom nobody thinks will do much yet habitually advances and does something.

Not this time.

Predicted order of finish: 1. Czech Republic 2. Holland 3. Germany 4. Latvia.

*****

Quarterfinals

Portugal defeat England
France defeat Greece
Italy defeat Holland
Czech Republic defeat Denmark

SemiFinals

Italy defeat Portugal
France defeat Czech Republic

FINAL

In a rematch of Euro 2000, Italy plays France and this time, gets it right, winning 2-1.

Who Are These Reds And Where Did They Come From?
"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting." -- Ronald Reagan

This is the part of the season where the early pretenders are supposed to fade away quietly in the standings, achingly extinguishing the early Spring hopes of fans optimistic enough to believe their side's opening month might possibly be a harbinger of success to come.

This is also the part of the season where you'd have expected to see the Cincinnati Reds joining their brethren in mediocrity, the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Milwaukee Brewers, in the dank cellar of the National League Central. The NL Central, after all, is supposed to be the sole domain of heavyweights like the Houston Astros, Chicago Cubs and St Louis Cardinals. Hell, the Reds are so supposed to be out of the race by now, even the evil Clear Channel radio refuses to broadcast Reds games on the radio in Lexington, Kentucky with a strong signal station, as though the idea of the Reds being competetive was so ludicrous, there was no need to broadcast them on with a signal any stronger than the stone-age, shout-it-out-the-open-window WXRA-AM 1580.

So imagine yourself last December opening up a sportspage of the future and seeing on this 60th D-Day anniversary that the Cincinnati Reds were inexplicably lodged at the peak of the NL Central and playing .600 ball. After all, what was the probability? The equivilent of Marge Schott dying at 75? Oh yeah, in case you're wondering, the Reds have a winning record since she died. Perhaps the curse of Marge Schott has finally been lifted.

Now, imagine how the hell the Reds got here.

What are they doing at the plate? Well, to put it mildly, they're not exactly tearing it up. They rank 14th of 16 National League teams in batting average, hitting a collective .247, better only than the Mets and the Expos. They rank 10th in slugging percentage. The one thing that might be pointed to is that they have a .340 team OBA, behind only the Giants, Colorado, and fellow NL Central dwellers, Houston, and are ranked fifth in walks. On the other hand, they lead the National League in striking out and are tied for fifth for grounding into double plays. So even though they get alot of men on base, they don't seem to do much with them thereafter. They have 21 stolen bases in 54 games, hardly the definition of terror on the basepaths.

So naturally, one must assume if it isn't their bats and it isn't their run scoring abilities or speed, then it must be the pitching.

Well actually, no. Their 4.37 team ERA ranks 12th in the National League. Their opponents are hitting a whopping .270 against them, ranked 14th. And they are getting walloped, not just hit against. The collective slugging percentage against Reds pitching is .456, which, if it wasn't for Colorado pitching, would be the worst in the National League.

What other stone can be unturned in search of the answer to this puzzle that is the success of the Cincinnati Reds, the best fielding team in the league? Only if we can nudge the definition of "best" into being 12th out of 16 in fielding percentage.

So, the current ingredients are: no definitive team speed, an ability to put a better than average amount of runners on base but not doing much with them, a mediocre defence and an ulcer-inducing starting rotation. Not exactly how you'd imagine building a winner. Not unless you were playing for some local tavern team of crappy Midwestern beer guzzlers in a summer softball league.

The Reds have only outscored their opponents by a barely visible 258-255 margin. That means that the Reds are winning on vapor. Of all teams with a winning record in the Major Leagues right now, only the mysterious Twins, who have actually been outscored by 15 runs despite a winning record, have a lower margin. The next closest are the Padres, who have outscored their opponents by a total of 9 runs over 55 games, and they've only won 30 games.

Yet somehow, these Reds lead the entire National League in victories. Somehow, they are tied for the second most victories in all of the Major Leagues, behind only the New York Yankees. That's right, if all the teams were stacked one atop another right now in a giant metaphorical heap, only the hated Yankees would be ahead of the Cincinnati Reds, and this isn't even 1976 any more.

To begin with, you might wonder how much of those unattractive, porcine pitching stats are owed to a mediocre rotation. After all, once you erase Paul Wilson's inexplicable 7-0 start (13% of all Reds victories), the rest of the starters are like a reheated tv dinner at 13-16. Wilson is the first starting Reds pitcher to begin a season 7-0 since righty Mike LaCoss went 8-0 in 1979. The 1979 Reds finished 90-71 in winning the Western Division only to get swept in the NLCS by the World Champion Pirates. (whew, when was the last time somebody could say that: The World Champion Pittsburgh Pirates?)...

Once you get beyond the nausea that is the starting rotation sans the frequently injured Paul Wilson, you can see that the bullpen has already held 40 games, best in the National League. The bullpen has accumulated an 11-6 record, which, at a winning percentage of .647, is higher than the rotation's collective 20-16 record. In fact, if you might even come to believe that the success of the team is somewhat driven by the bullpen.

You might also examine the fact that despite the mediocre fielding average, the Reds have one of the best-rated fielding range factors in the league and the fact that they've allowed only 15 stolen bases, the second lowest in the league. The defence would seem to cover alot of ground and save alot of pitchers problem baserunners.

You could point out that while the two alleged uninjured powerhouses of their outfield, Junior and Dunn are only hitting .242 and .260 respectively, Junior has an OBA of .352 and Dunn is on base at a .434 pace.

Another factor to consider is how well the Reds play at night, when they are 21-12, by far the best in the National League. The only team anywhere near as good at night are the first place Dodgers, who are 8 games above .500 after sunset.

Lastly, something immeasurable, something that doesn't rear its head in a frenzy of statistical hocus pocus, is the overall spirit of justifiable enthusiasm to date. "I think there's a buzz right now in the city about the Cincinnati Reds, and they wanted to come out and see what's going on," said Sean Casey after Friday's walk-up crowd of 10,755, the largest since the Reds started keeping track of those totals in 1987. This is infectuous, especially on a team that has lingered in the middle of nowhere for so long.

Yet for all this love and happiness in Cincinnati, the NY Post's Joel Sherman quoted one AL executive saying,

"Sean Casey is not a .379 hitter, Paul Wilson is not going to go 22-0 and Danny Graves might have 21 saves, but he's also allowed seven homers in 27 innings. They've got enough talent to finish within 10 games, but that's about it."

Tsk, tsk. The pain of disbelievers having to swallow the pride of their erroneous predictions is almost audible.

Sherman continues chewing on the nihilistic fringe by espousing that the Reds should give up already and surrender their stars to the megaliths of baseball.

"The Reds, for example, actually have their three highest-paid players - Casey, Graves and Ken Griffey - playing well, and should move them if they can. The most interesting possibilities, though, could involve young first basemen. Texas has a load of hitting and a top first-base prospect, Adrian Gonzalez (who hit .216 in his AAA debut last season), nearly ready, so one scout said, "I would trade Mark Teixeira if I could get a young, high-end starter."

I wouldn't trade anyone. I'm not going to trade Junior simply because of the chance that his spell with mid-career injuries was merely an mirage, a bump in the road to further fame, and he still might possibly finish his career with the Reds someday chasing Barry Bonds for the All-Time Homerun record. After all, he's going to beat Fred McGriff to 500, isn't he?

And where's the logic in trading Casey, who at 29 is one of the best fielding first basemen in the league and leads the league in hitting? For the career .256 hitter, Mark Teixera? On what planet does this take place?

So despite the naysayers and the creeps so eager to write the Reds off and trade their best players, I'm going to listen to the Reds play the Expos on radio today and see what the excitement is all about.

Elsewhere

If you were a fan of the endless tease Montreal Expos moving to the Washington, DC area, which would you prefer, that they keep their best players to improve the market value of the club as Tim Kurkijan suggests, or, would you prefer the scenario that "Maybe they'll strip that club to the bone, cut payroll even more, and start over fresh."?

I would jettison as many as possible. The first person you might hope they'd try and dump would be the perpetually injured Nick Johnson. And by god, do it fast because he's got that two week window right now where he isn't hurt and he's hitting .429 in 8 games so far.

Next in line would be the insufferable Carl Everett, who is hitting .246 in his Canadian purgatory. And will somebody please tell me when it was that the consistently worse-than-mediocre Peter Bergeron was ever considered a prospect? Is it the hope inspired by his .226 lifetime batting average?

And what's going on with Jose Vidro? The .302 lifetime second baseman is hitting .234 at the moment. Keep in mind how fast two other second basemen fell from grace so rapidly. Carlos Baerga and Roberto Alomar. Is he too, washed up, at the age of 30, which he will be in August? Is he going to be joined by the 29 year old shortstop Orlando Cabrera in the bargain rubbish bin, who at .227 is hitting a full 40 points below his career batting average?

Now that I think of it, the entire batting order should be gutted, carted off like rubble to wherever they can find homes for whatever price. Let's have a look at the 25 year old Indian reject, Ryan Church, who is currently hitting .387 with 10 homers and 36 RBIs in 45 games for the Edmonton Trappers in the offence-happy Pacific Coast League. That's what I'd say if I were a potential fan of the potential Washington Expos - er, what would they be called anyway? The Washington Monuments?

*****

So much for my Armandogeddon-Flails-at-Shea theory. Actually, it's not just my theory, it's the theory of every Met fan in the world. Maybe it's time to muzzle that barking dog, finally. Although he surrendered a homer to Mike Piazza last night breaking his 40 consecutive batter hitless streak, and endured ear-splitting boos upon his return to the Shea Stadium mound, in two games at there this season, he's recorded two saves. Armando's last four appearances have come against the Mets and in that time, he recorded four straight saves, pitched four and a third innings of closing relief and allowed only Piazza's bases-empty banger. Not bad. Well, there's always a pennant race meltdown to hope for.

*****

The international battery of the year-to-date must be the Orioles and their starting rotation of of Sidney Ponson (Aruba), Eric DuBose (USA), Daniel Cabrera (Dominican Republic), Erik Bedard (Canada) and Rodrigo Lopez (Mexico). Catching them are Javy Lopez (Puerto Rico) and Robert Machado (Venezuela). Ok, hardly an overwhelming World Cup of Baseball battery, but go on, find a more international battery on one team.

*****

If you think the oversaturated, mindless vacuum of fast food suburban mall teenage intellect is expanding at an alarming rate, you might consider what Junior had to say about the possibility of reaching the 500 plateau in career homeruns.

"How many kids talk about hitting 500 home runs?" he asked rhetorically. "No, they always talk about hitting a home run in the World Series like Joe Carter to end the game. That's it. That's the goal. That's something we all dream about as kids. It just hasn't happened to me yet."

It's probably true for everyone's childhood. For most of us, youth is living in the moment of the sun, not the accomplishments achieved by sunset. After all, what kid in Tampa Bay is outside right now playing a game of sandlot ball thinking to himself, "Goddamn, if only I can be like Fred McGriff and lurch my way to 500 career homeruns in the most excruciatingly unexciting way imagineable?!"

*****

By the way, after listening to the WGN's Ron Santo far too many times this season, I've come to the conclusion that he is baseball's current most obnoxious radio announcer. For those of you who, like me, are still malingering on radio broadcasts instead of the watching and listening to someone like ESPN's Joe Morgan mysteriously rattling his way through the subconcious, I'd like to hear who are your favourite radio announcers and who are your least favourite. When you're up at 3 in the morning and nearly every game is getting a live online radio feed from mlb.com, you'll listen to any team's broadcast at least once.

*****

Lastly, although football (American soccer) seems to have no fan following beneath the MLS puddle of excitement over Freddy Adu, it should be pointed out that England won their friendly match yesterday against the indominable Iceland national team by a healthy 6-1 margin and will next face the current European Champion France in their first match of the Euro 2004 in Portugal a week from today in what promises to be something akin to the end of the world here in England, regardless of the outcome.

And lest you think I'm just name-tossing, jumping on the Freddy Adu bandwagon like the rest of the fair weather fans, allow me to point out my prescient nature in all things Adu. Waaaay back in March of 2003, I asked the now-nearly redundant question, right here on sportspages.com: America's Pele?.

Thoughts on the demise of Ronald Reagan can be found at Desultory Turgescence.

Good news. Happy to announce Arseblog and Danger Here and Soccer Fever have been added to the links list as fine purveyors of football disinformation.

The Hamstrings That Ate Manhattan
"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." -- Pancho Villa's last words.

Papi, Don't Comes Home
"Time, which alone makes the reputation of men, ends by making their defects respectable." - Voltaire

AL Top Five Tops NL Top 5

A quick look at the records of the AL's top five club versus the NL's top five club reveals one league with less parity than the other:

AL:

Boston 29-18
NYY 29-18
Chicago WS 27-19
MN 26-20
Anaheim 29-18

total 140-93 .601

NL:

Florida 27-20
Cincy 27-20
Houston 26-20
Philly 25-20
Cubs 25-20

total 130-100 .565

*****

Time To Change Tactics

Perhaps this season will finally see the dissent of the philosophy of the SF Giants' lineup being so anemic by comparison to Barry Bonds that Barry Bonds should be walked on every occasion the game is on the line.

According to KNBR's post game wrap up show this morning following the Giants' sweep of the lowly Arizona Diamondbacks, Bonds has recently been given a bases empty walk 4 times in four games and those four times have resulted four Giants victories involving Bonds scoring the winning run. Finally some of his teammates are stepping up and filling the void.

Indeed, the SF Giants have now won six straight and seven of eight and are finally creeping back up to their rightful place atop the NL West...stay tuned.

Pettitte Again, Sam

I confess, I'm somewhat obsessed with seeing my prediction of Pettitte spending the majority of his season on the DL come to fruition now that it is time to worry about the lefty after he left the game in the fourth inning last night with what officially was described as a left forearm strain.

On the final out of the fourth inning Wednesday night, Pettitte winced after the delivery. Once Pettitte reached the bench, Astros manager Jimy Williams saw Pettitte grabbing his elbow and consulting with trainers.

"I said to myself, 'This is not good,' " Williams said. "The best thing to do is not send him back out there."

And on the seventh day, he rested.

Mets Claim They Are Creeping Into Pennant Race
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." --Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797)

Well, what a novelty after these last several years, that it's nearly Memorial Day weekend, and the Mets aren't yet completely demoralised or mathematically eliminated from the NL East.

A Tale of Two Cities
"The wind is rushing after us, and the clouds are flying after us, and the moon is plunging after us, and the whole wild night is in pursuit of us; but, so far we are pursued by nothing else." from Charles Dickens' _A Tale of Two Cities_

You might consider that the twinning of baseball cities can be found in New York, Chicago, The Bay Area and, with a stretch of the imagination and a compass, the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.

Of those four areas, here is how each city's teams are doing:

LA Dodgers/Anaheim Angels 52 wins, 35 losses .597 winning percentage.
Cubs/White Sox 50 wins, 36 losses .581 winning percentage.
Yankees/Mets 47 wins, 40 losses .540 winning percentage.
Oakland A's/SF Giants 44 wins, 42 losses .512 winning percentage.

So, even with TWO teams in your city, one could still only expect, a best, to be happy with a victory less than 6 days out of ten.

*****

Mike Cuddyer of the Twins, has selected his All Stars. Isn't it time you did?

Randy Johnson's "Top Ten cool things about pitching a perfect game":

10. "After this I can go 0-15 for the rest of the year and honestly not give a crap."

9. "My pregame dinner at Denny's? On the house."

8. "Shows everyone that even though I'm 40, I can still ... I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought."

7. "Cool to get a congratulatory call from the president, even though he kept calling me 'Larry.'"

6. "Can walk up to guys who have thrown no-hitters and whisper: 'Loser!'"

5. "All the pine tar I can eat!"

4. "Your catcher hugs you and it feels kind of nice."

3. "Maybe people will finally get over the time that I killed that bird."

2. "It's just one more thing about me that's perfect ... am I right, ladies?"

1. "George Steinbrenner just offered me one billion dollars to sign with the Yankees."

via David Letterman

*****

Looks Like Someone's Hard Up For Immmortality

A mere nine homers short of the immortal 500, five time AllStar Fred McGriff has joined the infamous Durham Bulls, now the Devil Rays AAA team, and is expected to be called up by the end of the month.

Following the 2003 All Star game, McGriff was able to muster 3 dingers in 60 at bats which means, when he makes his long climb from semi-retirement back up to the dizzying heights of the 11-28 Devil Rays to help them in their "pennant race", he will need only about 45 games to reach the magic numbers and then fade back into obscurity as probably one of the least exciting players this side of Rafael Palmeiro to achieve 500 home runs.

"I'm excited," McGriff said from his Tampa home. "A lot of people have been telling me to keep going and to hang in there. I'm looking forward to the chance to compete and to help the team. You've got to have faith and believe."

Alot of people have been telling him to keep going? How big is this man's family? Haven't any of them seen him play lately? Is this the purpose of the existence of the Devil Rays franchise, hang on just long enough for Crime Dog to hit 500?

500 Home Runs Club

In Alphabetical Order

Name
Date 500 achieved
Pitcher it was achieved against
Team it was achieved against
age it was achieved
at bats it took to achieve it


Hank Aaron
07-14-1968
Mike McCormick
Giants
34y
8,612

Ernie Banks
05-12-1970
Pat Jarvis
Braves
39y
9,199

Barry Bonds
04-17-2001
Terry Adams
Dodgers
36y
7,502

Jimmie Foxx
09-24-1940
George Caster
A's
32y
7,084

Reggie Jackson
09-17-1984
Bud Black
Royals
38y
8,600

Harmon Killebrew
08-10-1971
Mike Cuellar
Orioles
35y
6,671

Mickey Mantle
05-14-1967
Stu Miller
Orioles
35y
7,300

Eddie Mathews
07-14-1967
Juan Marichal
Giants
35y
8,280

Willie Mays
09-13-1965
Don Nottebart
Astros
34y
7,533

Willie McCovey
06-30-1978
Jamie Easterly
Braves
40y
7,583

Mark McGwire
08-05-1999
Andy Ashby
Padres
35y
5,487

Eddie Murray
09-06-1996
Felipe Lira
Tigers
40y
11,095

Mel Ott
08-01-1945
Johnny Hutchings
Braves
36y
9,249

Rafael Palmeiro
05-11-2003
Dave Elder
Indians
38y
9,116

Frank Robinson
09-13-1971
Fred Scherman
Tigers
36y
8,427

Babe Ruth
08-11-1929
Willis Hudlin
Indians
34y
5,801

Mike Schmidt
04-18-1987
Don Robinson
Pirates
37y
7,336

Sammy Sosa
04-04-2003
Scott Sullivan
Reds
34y
7,036

Ted Williams
06-17-1960
Wynn Hawkins
Indians
41y
7,454

***Both the Indians and the Braves have surrendered number 500 the most times (3 each). Unfortunately, whilst the Indians are coming to town just this weekend, it will be the last time the Devil Rays face them this season. They will not face the Braves all season. Looks probable, one hopes, that McGriff's train is just pulling out of the station. Oh well, better luck next year Mister 1296-1863 walks to strikeouts Ratio Man.

*****

Doesn't Anyone Want to Win the NL West?

With a fading Giants club, a fading Diamondbacks club, an always-going-nowhere Rockies club, and an up-and-coming Padres club, it might make sense that the we're-not-pretty-but-what-else-have-you-got Dodger club stand atop the NL West. It might make sense were it not for the fact that their 4-0 loss to the Phillies last night was their 7th loss in a row and completes a Phillies sweep, but that they are still, mathematically anyway, in first place.

But there is comfort on the horizan:

"I lost 13 games in a row in 2000, so I know about losing streaks," said Jose Lima, who induced two double-play grounders in 1 2/3 innings of scoreless relief. Well good. At least they've got experienced losers on the squad.

The Dodgers, outscored 21-11 over the three-game sweep by Philadelphia and 40-18 over their seven-game losing streak, will try to break out of the funk today against the Atlanta Braves. Sure seemed to work for the Diamondbacks.

*****

He may have been removed from the spotlight of the New York media, then removed himself from the spotlight of ESPN, but my favourite manager, The Most Hated Man In Baseball is back in the news:

"Bobby Valentine, who in 1995 was the first American manager ever to manage a Japanese team, and who was fired after seven years with the Texas Rangers, is now back at home in Japan as the coach of the Chiba Lotte Marines, whose first game was a come-from-behind victory that sent the devoted oendan--a 2,000 strong bleacher section that unfurled a Bobby banner they'd kept in storage since he last appeared there in 1995--into a lathered frenzy. Valentine tells Richmond, "I don't have visions of grandeur ... Okay, I have visions of small grandeur."

Poifect!
"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Well, by now it's no secret that the 40 year old intimidator, Randy Johnson, pitched history's 17th perfect game, but also became the oldest in history to do so, surpassing none other than CY YOUNG, and, did so against my own privately hated Atlanta Braves, whose rapid demise I have watched with glee so far this season.

Oddly enough, not even this accomplish, nor being the ace of the staff will likely save Randy Johnson from Pinstripes by September.

And please, let us stop the whingeing about the bad luck of pitching a one-hitter on the night a perfect game is thrown. Jason Schmidt, in case you hadn't heard, "almost" doesn't count - unless you're hunting for WMDs, one supposes...

In case you were interested, here are all the perfect games ever pitched:

American League

Cy Young
05-05-1904
Boston 3, Philadelphia 0

Addie Joss
10-02-1908
Cleveland 1, Chicago 0

Charlie Robertson
04-30-1922
Chicago 2, Detroit 0

Don Larsen
10-08-1956
New York 2, Brooklyn 0*

Catfish Hunter
05-08-1968
Oakland 4, Minnesota 0

Len Barker
05-15-1981
Cleveland 3, Toronto 0

Mike Witt
09-30-1984
California 1, Texas 0

Kenny Rogers
07-28-1994
Texas 4, California 0

David Wells
05-17-1998
New York 4, Minnesota 0

David Cone
07-18-1999
New York 6, Montreal 0

* - Game 5, 1956 World Series

National League

Lee Richmond
06-12-1880
Worcester 1, Cleveland 0

Monte Ward
06-17-1880
Providence 5, Buffalo 0

Jim Bunning
06-21-1964
Philadelphia 6, New York 0

Sandy Koufax
09-09-1965
Los Angeles 1, Chicago 0

Tom Browning
09-16-1988
Cincinnati 1, Los Angeles 0

Dennis Martinez
07-28-1991
Montreal 2, Los Angeles 0

Randy Johnson
05-18-2004
Arizona 2, Atlanta 0

If you're like me, you're probably wondering, who the fuck is Lee Richmond? Well, if you're keeping score, on June 12, 1880 John Lee Richmond of the Worcestor Ruby Legs pitched the first perfect game in Major League history.

*****
Vive La Midwest

In the ongoing battle between Cincinnati, Detroit and Chicago of which city has the most resurgent baseball team in the Midwest, the Cincinnati Reds remain slightly ahead of the pack.

Even with their 21-18 record, there's plenty of excitement now that Austin Kearns has returned from DL after batting .357 (10-for-28) with two home runs and eight RBIs during a Triple-A rehab assignment in Louisville.

Ryan Freel, the new Charlie Hustle, according to the Post's Lonnie Wheeler, and is hitting .367 (11-for-30) in nine consecutive starts.

But he is just pure excitement:

"Were you watching the seventh inning Saturday night from Los Angeles? Did you see the Reds right fielder disappear into the stands? It was like science fiction, somebody slipping through a force field into another dimension, the way he vanished from the playing area. Didn't even slow down. This man will be the undoing of the warning-track industry.

Freel didn't catch the ball, but that was beside the point. He did catch an elderly woman in the face with his leg, then, as her head snapped back, he caught her again with the other leg. He felt terrible about that. He kept saying he was sorry and coming back and checking on her, until they wheeled her out. He gave her a bat. He was deeply relieved when the man next to her gave him a thumbs-up, indicating that she'd be all right."

In Cleveland, "The New American City", the Indians are six games off the pace in the AL Central at 18-21 but there is still plenty to root for.

Why just this week Victor Martinez was named the American League Player of the Week (along with the Twins Joe Nathan). According to the Cleveland Indians Report, in five games last week, the Tribe backstop had four multi-hit games and raked to the tune of .429/.458/.762 (9-for-21) averages with four doubles, one longball, and a league-leading 10 RBIs.

And just so you know the Indians didn't get nuttin' for Bartolo Colon, have a look at Cliff Lee, who was a virtual nobody when he came to Cleveland in June of 2002 as part of the package of players the Indians received in exchange for ace Bartolo Colon. Lee is now 5-0 with a 2.96 ERA in 8 starts for the Indians.

Which brings us to the The Motor City home to the 19-20 Detroit Tigers AND of course, The White Stripes.

"Soft hair and a velvet tongue
I want to give you what you give to me
and every breath that is in your lungs
is a tiny little gift to me
is a tiny little gift to me" - from Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground.

Anyway, Detroit might be a little preoccupied with thoughts of tonight's Game Seven against the NJ Nets, but the rebirth of the Tigers is a story not to be missed.

If the current season isn't exciting enough for you, The Tiger Blog is doing a retro on their 1984 World Championship season.

Is Ivan Rodriguez the best free agent pick-up two season's running or what? After helping lead the Marlins to a World Championship last season, he's got the Tigers looking exciting whilst hitting .352 with 7 bangers and 32 ribbies. Oh yeah, and with three stolen bases, he's stolen more bases than he's allowed.


*****

For those who missed it, following Sammy Sosa's sneezing back spasms, Tom Boswell had a good article on The Weird, Wacky World of Baseball Injuries:

"Sosa now joins the great tradition of comic "disabled" Cubs outfielders, which is led by Jose Cardenal, who couldn't play on Opening Day in 1974 because he said he slept wrong and his eyelid was stuck shut. Two seasons earlier, Cardenal had told manager Whitey Lockman he couldn't play because crickets in his hotel room kept him up all night."

On the other hand, the ever-quixotic But it's a Dry Heat Diamondbacks blog notes:

"Elsewhere, thanks to David B for bringing this up over on Diamondbacks Bullpen. "Jason Giambi sat out last night's game with back spasms. On the same day, Sammy Sosa is placed on the disabled list with...back spasms [Allegedly caused by a sneeze, which is right out of the Brian Anderson playbook!]. That followed on the heels of Barry Bonds missing last weekends series with the Pirates due to...back spasms. And Bret Boone sat out five of six game on last weeks road trip on account of...back spasms. Giambi...Sosa...Bonds...Boone. I wonder....nah, must just be coincidence."

A subsequent post says that these are one of the symptoms of withdrawal from steroids - it's the muscles in the body crying out for their little helper. I also note with interest that Bonds' last homer was on April 29th, which is 20 days and counting. He's now surpassed his 23 June-12 July 2001 drought, and that one included the All-Star break. Yep: just a coincidence."

*****

Before the cost of tickets get too prohibitive, can I be one of the first to jump on the Daniel Cabrera Bandwagon?

Daniel Cabrera, a 6-foot-7 right-hander who was pitching at the Class A level a year ago, earned his second win since he was called up from the minors last week, leading Baltimore over the Seattle Mariners 7-2 Tuesday night.

So far, Cabrera is 2-0 with a 1.42 ERA in 12 2-3 innings spanning two starts.

Nothing to Sneeze At

Yeah, yeah. Surely everyone's making fun of it. In an incident nearly as bizarre as getting caught with a corked bat last season, Sammy Sosa was held out of a game the other night because of back spasms caused by sneezing. Sosa was talking to somebody in the Cubs clubhouse Sunday when he stopped to sneeze twice. After the second sneeze, Sosa doubled over in pain against the chair next to his locker.

Sosa was laughing, but at the same time, he was in pain.

"It's like a spasm," he said in Spanglish, pointing to his lower back.

Sure enough, Sosa became a late lineup scratch for the game against the Padres because of the spasms. Todd Hollandsworth replaced Sosa in right field.

Christ, if he gets a full blown cold, his head might explode.

*****

Who Framed Roger Clemens

They were making it sound like vengeance the other night when Piazza spoiled Roger Clemens' bid for his eighth straight win with a tying homer in the ninth off Octavio Dotel but you gotta wonder how hard up fans and the media are for vengeance when there were so many juicy factors missing.

First of all, Piazza went 0 for 2 when he actually had to bat against Clemens, including being struck out. Hardly what you might call revenge. More like continued humiliation. So when you read more deeply into the face off, Piazza failed and would have likely continued to fail had the Astros not sent former Met Octavio Dotel in to face him in the 9th.

Second of all, how does spoiling someone's 8th victory in a row equal getting beaned in the head and being humiliated in the World Series by having the guy toss the barrel of a broken bat at you?

He didn't give Clemens his first loss of the season and even if he had, Clemens is 41 years old and is having one of his best season in years, hardly a "spoiler" in the classic sense. So Piazza hits the homerun that ties the game and spoils Clemens chances for an 8th victory but not his chances for an undefeated season and doesn't do anything but scratch when he actually has to face Clemens.

Hitting a homerun off of Dotel instead of Clemens sort of reminds me of something like Piazza going after skinny little Guillermo Mota in Spring Training instead of taking on Roger Clemens in the World Series like a man. A sneaky way of vengeance. Sort of like hitting more homeruns than any catcher, but doing it as one of the worst defensive catchers in baseball history.

Please to spare me the hystrionics. Piazza had plenty of chances to make a man of himself against Clemens and time and again, he has been found lacking. Hitting a homerun against Octavio Dotel doesn't "spoil" anything for Clemens. It isn't revenge. It's just another example of Piazza going about things in a half-arsed way that makes him appear more than he is.

The only thing more outrageous to come out of Piazza in the last several days was his recent admission that

"You know what? It's funny. If I would have known the way I feel after a couple of days playing first, I probably would have thought about doing it a few years ago. Just playing the two nights in a row (at first base) and then getting behind the plate (Friday), I feel fresher," Piazza said. "I feel better receiving the ball, blocking the ball, things like that. Especially at this time. Maybe 10 years ago it didn't make a difference, but now it's essential, I think."

Yup, that's real funny, Piazza. You sacrifice the good of the team in your selfish pursuit of Carlton Fisk's record and then you turn around and say, wow, you know what, haha, I should have been playing first base all along....

Well, the funniest thing of all might be yet to come. The comedic justice of the year will be to see Piazza catch Clemens in the 2004 All-Star game in Houston.

Blog Watch

El Lefty Malo notes that

"Sorting through the stats this morning, I thought to myself, "Hmm, is Neifi Perez truly the worst hitter in the major leagues?"

Of the 189 position players listed in ESPN's sortable stats, Neifi indeed ranks last in OPS at .512. The second worst is Derek Jeter, at .528...

Boomer Goes Boom

Don't look now, but David Wells has found yet another way to injure himself.

The lefty, now pitching for San Diego, cut his right wrist and left palm, apparently in an "accident" at home, and is expected to miss his next two starts.

"It was not a fight," Padres GM Towers felt compelled to clarify. "It happened at his home. It sounds like he cut himself with some glass. How he did that, I don't know."

Free Beer

I have to admit, I'm not much of a hockey fan at all. I don't even watch it during the Stanley Cup finals if I can help it. But if free beer is the way into every man's heart, then the Tampa Bay Lightning have just become my de facto favourite hockey team.

"During the first Eastern Conference playoff game between the Lightning and the Philadelphia Flyers Saturday, the St. Pete Times Forum's main scoreboard advertised the offer. Those who paid $100 toward 2004-05 season tickets were eligible for unlimited free beer during the game."

On the other hand, giant plastic/paper cups of flat, gassy Budweiser or Coors Light is not my idea of beer so unless they've got some real ale in the bargain, it's a useless offer to me.

But an "A" for effort, guys. At the very least, I'll be rooting for the Lightning to win the Stanley Cup this year.

"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please." Mark Twain

Oh, no! Not another pietistic excoriation on the evils of selling baseball bases -- as well as home plate, the pitching rubber and the on-deck circles -- as advertising space for a movie sequel! We couldn't stomach that! So in lieu of unbridled canting on baseball's latest controversy, let's ease into an overall ambience of aimless drifting...

Bits and Bobs

On the wings of a monsterous start to the 2004, speculation has already begun on the chances that Bonds can hit .400

There have been only eight men who have hit .400 while eligible for the batting championship since 1900, and it has been done a total of 13 times. Those men are Ty Cobb (1911, 1912, 1922), Rogers Hornsby (1922, 1924, 1925), George Sisler (1920, 1922), Nap Lajoie (1901), Shoeless Joe Jackson (1911), Harry Heilmann (1923), Bill Terry (1930), and, of course, Ted Williams (1941).

That makes 13 times, 3 of them in 1922. Where were the call for steroids back then? Where were the outrages of why in 1922, three different players hit .400?

23 percent of all .400 seasons came in 1922.

Three players alone made up eight of those seasons in total. Three players made up 62% of all .400 seasons all time. Were they, like Bonds, playing as though from another planet altogether? Did they have howls of cheating in their ears?

*****

And at the other end of the spectrum:
Bowas Without Bats


.215 with less than two outs.

.173 with two outs.

.194 overall.

What are those numbers? The Phillies' batting averages with runners in scoring position before last night's game against the Arizona Diamondbacks at Bank One Ballpark. Take away Burrell and Bell and the team is hitting .149 (26 for 174) with runners in scoring position.

The Phillies averaged 4.3 runs per game in their first 26 games, which ranked 12th in the National League. Their .244 batting average ranked ahead of only Montreal. Their .328 on-base percentage tied for 13th.

Move over Art Howe and the Mets. You just may not be the most mediocre any more.

Baseball Across The Time Zone Ocean via Radio
"A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure." -- Segal's Law

Got home in time last night to listen to the sole MLB "day game" via WHB in KC, to my preseason AL Central favourite-ChiSox pound their division rival KC Royals in their renovated US Cellular Field home opener. US Cellular Field has been the butt of jokes and an object of derision since it opened as the "new" Comiskey Park in 1991. According to the reviews, the latest renovations lend an "old" Comiskey feel to the South Side ballyard. A refurbished upper deck, an expanded center-field "fan deck" and a fresh paint job were among $28 million in off-season improvements.

Two things that jumped out me (and neither of them were drunken Chisox fans leaping over the rail onto the field): Cy Young 2003 bridesmaid, Esteban Loiza, 21-9 with a 2.90 ERA last season, appears to need more time to find his top form, surrendering 4 homeruns in a failed effort to give up the victory single-handedly. Secondly are the Chisox bats, and in particular, Paul Konerko is looking as though he wants to make up for all the wretched impressions he's given fans over the last season and a half. He's batting .370 with six runs batted in their first seven games. While you're at it, you might note that the Fearsome Foursome of Frank Thomas, Magglio Ordonez, Konerko and Carlos Lee, appear anxious to repeat 2000, the last time the Sox took their division, when those four combined for 120 home runs and 458 RBIs.

How about those Venezuelans? By all accounts, Ozzie Guillen is not a manager who is going to allow talent to go to waste in favour of player ego. Meanwhile, Chico Carrasquel and Luis Aparicio, fellow Venezuelans who preceded Ozzie Guillen as All-Star shortstops for the Sox, joined new manager Guillen in throwing out ceremonial first pitches. We already remember Aparicio, but this Carrasquel feller...he was a 4 time All Star for the Sox in the 50s before being traded with Jim Busby to the Cleveland Indians for Larry Doby. However, Chico's MLB accomplishments pale in comparison to the understated grandeur of Estadio Alfonso Chico Carrasquel.

The Old Man and the Cards

Our grandest of dreams remain dashed. Whilst Andy Pettitte assures the world his cranky elbow nothing to panic over, Roger Clemens continues to defy the logical world outside of Nolan Ryan, this time moving past Terrific Tom Seaver in moving to 2-0 in April 2004, and shutting down the St Louis Cardinals on one run and two hits over 6 2/3 innings. His ERA, in the days we shall remember with dread and revulsion, is 0.66 in his two starts of the 2004 season.

The old man, who might still join the Hall of Fame in an Astros hat, was consistently hitting 93 mph into the sixth as he neared his 105 pitch total that earned a mere 3 strikeouts. Perhaps he was concentrating on hitting out in his two official at-bats to drop his 2004 batting average to .250. Four at bats and not a single fastball under his chin. Is Clemens the only philsopher on the mound who believes that hitting batters is a good way to keep them off the plate?

More notable to Astros fans might be Octavio Dotel's continued jitterbugging from the bullpen. Dotel gave up back-to-back homers to Jim Edmonds and Scott Rolen to lead off the ninth, but finally got the final four outs for his first save of the season.

Rally Monkies Bigger Than Mariner's Bullpen

Then, as dawn broke over the misty sheep fields of Warwickshire, the Rally Monkey was busy making its first appearance of the 2004 season as I listened over KOMO radio in Seattle. It isn't enough that the un-Met, Vladimir Guerrero, hit his third homer of the young season while Met fans pray collectively that a certain disc might herniate a certain former free agent to the disabled list in a vain effort to prove that tossing that much money on "damaged goods" would have resulted in just another Fat Mo. The Mariners were up 4-2 until the 6th when Bengie Molina hit a two run homer to tie the score. From thereonafter, it was only a matter of time for the Mariner's leaky bullpen to disintegrate. The "Herky Jerky Lefty" Mike Myers did a number on Mariner hopes by sheparding

Yup, looks like the Mariners, in losing their 4th straight game against the Angels, blowing 4-0 leads, are conceding the AL West already, choking a good four months earlier than usual. They have given up an unprecedented number of runs when they already have two outs. Last night's game saw them surrender two two-run homers with two outs. Whaddaya know, Mariners, holding steady in last place with one win in seven games thus far. Good. That's for Starbucks, baby.

Can anyone say "Repeat"?

Marlins sensation Miguel Cabrera homered twice, drove in three runs and extended his hitting streak to seven games and Brad Penny struck out ten and gave up only two hits over 8 innings as the Marlins continued their hold on first place.

In what should be a continued battle all season, it might be fun to keep a running count of basic batting stats between Cabrera and St Louis' Albert Pujols.

Thus far:

Cabrera: 7 games, 1.000 slugging, .429 OBP, .385 batting average, 5 homers, 8 rbis in 26 at bats. For those of you playing at home, that pans out to about 116 homers and 185 ribbies for the season. And they say that the dismissal of steroids and the advent of supahstah pitchers spell the doom of such numbers...

Pujols: 9 games, .725 slugging, .405 OBP, .294 batting average, 4 homers and 11 rbis in 34 at bats. You can almost feel him losing his grip on everyone's favourite phenom, can't you?

Of course, when you're thinking about MVP again, you're thinking about Barry Bonds, who after hitting 661 doesn't appear to wither from the steroid critics who have still only proven by implication, not by fact.

Bonds: 8 games, .960 slugging, .588 OBP, .440 batting average, 3 homers and 8 rbis in 28 at bats.

Home Openers In Three Cities
"Begin at the beginning, the King said gravely, and go till you come to the end, then stop." - Lewis Carroll

660 in San Francisco

The SBC Park capacity crowd of 42,548 gave Bonds two standing ovations before the home opener even started. Perhaps in deference to the boos he received whilst playing away and hearing all the sarcasm about steroids tainting his power and grace.

The third standing ovation came in the fifth inning, when Bonds turned on a 3-1 inside fastball from Milwaukee's Matt Kinney and hit a 442-foot home run into McCovey Cove that tied his godfather, Willie Mays, for third on baseball's career home run list. This was the 28th dinger Bonds has homered into the water. It was also Bonds's fourth in five home openers in SF and he finished the day 3 for 3 with four runs batted in and a walk.

Guess those steroids are really kicking in now, eh fellahs?

According to El Lefty Malo, a half-inning after Barry hit the big one, Jon Miller was hyping a "Barry Bonds 660" commemorative hat + T-shirt package for the low, low price of $42.

Better still, Bonds' 3 run banger gave the Giants a 5-4 lead. Like, why were they pitching to him with two outs, two men on and a stiff like Pierzynski on deck? "Maybe I'm just too stupid to walk him every time," Brewers manager Ned Yost said. Yes, maybe so. Too stupid. Good credentials for being the Brewers manager.

Shea Stadium

With a lineup that resembled the B squad more than the starters, Cliff Floyd on the disabled list, Mike Piazza on the mend and Jos? Reyes rehabilitating in Port St. Lucie, Fla., the Mets thrashed the hated Atlanta Braves EVEN with Shane Spencer and Todd Zeile hitting third and fourth in the batting order. In doing so, the Mets took over sole ownership of second place. Heady days indeed.

A magnetic resonance imaging test on Floyd's right quadriceps revealed a strain, but the injury was not as serious as initially feared. Piazza said he should be able to return from his strained right elbow in a couple of days, and Karim Garcia said he hoped to play tomorrow despite a fractured left ring finger.

Matsui, in his Shea debut, reached base three times, drove in two runs with a double, and raised his on-base percentage to .529. Sushi concession at Shea? Cameron, in his Shea debut, made one stunning catch running straight toward the fence and also knocked in two runs with two hits. Not bad.

Perhaps best of all, they had seven runs in two and two-thirds innings against Met no-wanna be and habitual liar, Mike Hampton. Not so happy now, are yea, Mr Hampton? "Hamp-ton, Hamp-ton," "fans taunted the loser and liar, who allegedly left here for the fine Colorado schools, not the $121-million contract that the Rockies quickly regretted bestowing upon him."

Wrigley Field

A decidedly unhappier story opened Wrigley's 2004 season with Greg Maddux taking the mound for the Cubs at Wrigley for the first time in 12 years, Maddux gave up six runs, five of them earned, on eight hits with five walks in 3 2/3 innings. His record dropped to 0-2, and his ERA rose to 7.45. The Cubs lost by a 13-2 margin to the lowly Pirates of Pittsburgh. Seven games into a new season, Kerry Wood is the only Cubs starting pitcher who has won a game and one wonders how long before Cubs fans overreact to the slow start. They are now two games behind the "first place" Cincinnati Reds!

Outside the park, sidewalk vendors peddled cute "Curse Breaker" stuffed billy goats for $10. The Miller beer billboard in the right-field corner had a new motto in place: "Curse Quenching."

It didn't take long for Cubs fans to see the bigger picture. The sellout crowd of 40,483 began booing when Maddux continued to struggle in the third inning after giving up five runs in the second.

Of course, isn't this the modus operandus of Maddux early in the season? Over the past three seasons (2001-2003) he has a 4.06 ERA and a less-than-sterling 7-7 record.

Chances are, when it comes to August and September, Cubbies will be able to rely on Maddux as a cherished third starter.

The Elbow That The Long Term Contract Forgot

"The left elbow has always awaited that final, fat contract before squawking its last protest and blowing out entirely. I'd even imagined that while signing the contract with the Astros, it will later be revealed, the final flourish in his signature was the telling blow and that horrific ligament damage had been sustained in the left elbow even as the ink was drying." - Sports Amnesia, 11th December 2003 on the Pettitte signing.

Everyone Is Doing It: So Shall I

Since tis the season, etc., predictions, baseball in the air (well, not here, on the Channel coast) but in other places, surely, here are the Official 2004 Sports Amnesia Baseball Predictions and the Governing Logic behind them:

AL East: Boston, NYY, Toronto, Tampa Bay, Baltimore:

Yes, the Red Sox-Yankee hatred is incubating nicely. But I agree with the lads at East Coast Agony. This shouldn't be of concern to the casual Tiger or the wallowing Royal. This rivalry is about two primary East Coast cities. As usual, in situations where the outcome is uncertain or too close to gauge, I rely upon the arbitrary logic to see me through. I can't just pick the Sox because I hate the Yankees. Well, I could, but what wouldn't be entirely accurate any more. Over the last season, I've developed a pleasant disgust for Red Sox fans as well. Too many of them appear to be right wing zealots mouthing Irish Catholic Conservative vitriol in addition to their anti-Yankee bonbons. Pedro spends more time whining than pitching and fails every time in the clutch against the Yankees. Manny Ramirez is a punk. The only thing I like about the Red Sox is Curt Schilling. The Sox lost the battle for A-Rod, but all hitting aside, the Yankees rotation and the Yankees bullpen and the Yankees age will prove to be their Achilles Heels. I'd take Toronto for second but for the fact that they haven't got a Steinbrenner and a trillion dollar cable tv rights contract that will allow them to buy up the remaining All Stars left standing once the Yankees are done pissing and spitting, is a severe disadvantage. Plus Toronto sucks as a city and frankly, only one Canadian team a year deserves the post season. Sox get the nod even though they didn't get the Rod.

AL Central: Chicago WhiteSox, Kansas City, Minnesota, Cleveland, Detroit

You can listen all you want to the tales of Minnesota's farm system, the one that churns out clutch postseason players like Celine Dion churns out stomach-turning songs, but their losses were too heavy this offseason to just grin and bear and yank another young lad up to the stage by the earlobe. Besides, haven't you heard? The White Sox are warning of a mystery man and have already traded for Timo Perez. Fat Frank Thomas, underachieving Paul Konerko and dissatisfied Magglio Ordonez make up quite a team of malcontents. But look, KC can't surprise anyone this season and I-Rod is dumb enough to leave a World Champion for the dustbin. There's no one left. White Sox by default.

AL West: Oakland A's, Anaheim Angels, Seattle Mariners, Texas

Let's get this straight. Seattle will never win anything because they chokechokechoke. Every year. You can look it up. Secondly, the Angels with their hiphop hispanic makeover and the Latino Quarter in the ownership bin are not going anywhere but into the aisles of disappointment. No team spends trillions on free agency and wins. Apparently, the new ownership missed that fact. Oakland has the pitching and we all know how much Sports Amnesia loves the pitching. Oh, and you can be sure that Texas isn't going anywhere until Buck Showalter is fired because no team that Buck Showalter manages ever wins a championship until after he leaves the building.

WC: NY Yankees

Law of averages. You can't spend a trillion dollars and not win something.


NL East: Montreal, Atlanta, NY Mets, Philadelphia, Florida

Montreal are my 2004 Team From Nowhere. Last year it was Florida, the year before, it was Anaheim. This year it will be the Expos. Why? Because the NL East is the weakest division in MLB and is totally up for grabs. Momentum will build up and who knows, if we're all lucky, there will be another Selig-manufactured debacle of catostrophic importance, like the World Series being played in Hiram Boca Stadium, or whatever the fuck that minor league stadium in Puerto Rico where a team from Canada plays most of their home games is called. If a French Canadian team playing in a Spanish-speaking islet isn't the recipe for success in MLB's idiotic hierarchy these days, than I don't know what is. Phuck Philly. They aren't going anywhere with a rabid rodent like Larry Bowa at the helm. Millwood will suck this year. The bullpen will suck and no one will be around to back up Jim Thome. Atlanta? A distant memory. Florida? They've got Armandogeddon closing, enough said. My Mets? A whiplash accident waiting to happen. The Expos are my Shadow Team of 2004.

NL Central: Chicago, Houston, St Louis, Cincinnati, Milwaukee, Pittsburgh

Yeah, this is real hard. A team with one of the best managers in baseball, best pitching staff and a long legacy of losing against a team from Texas which has tried to buy its way into competition by hiring half the Yankees starting rotation. Roger Clemens sucks and I look forward to seeing him gathering dust on the DL alongside his shipmate and possible between the lines lover, Andy Pettitte. The only team with an outside shot of topping the Cubs are the Reds and that's only if Junior hits 75 homeruns because I'm so tired of hearing how Junior is back juxtaposed with all the Junior for Who trade speculation. Any division with Milwaukee and Pittsburgh deserves their obscurity.

NL West: Arizona, San Fran, SD, LA

Wow, a tossup, isn't it, between a bunch of teams that suck. Sounds disturbingly similar to the NL East without Bonds and without Randy Johnson. That is what this season comes down to: Who has a better season, Randy Johnson, or Barry Bonds. The Dodgers have no hitting and their pitching is rapidly waning. SD is well, SD. No amount of splashy free agent retread signings are going to change that. Without steroids, Bonds is going to get hurt more often meaning the Giants will have to win without him, which they can't. Advantage, Arizona.

WC: Atlanta: The logic behind this is that now that they have no one, they might actually overachieve instead of underachieve when the games actually mean something.

ALCS: White Sox over Oakland: I've just got a feeling about the White Sox. Nausea. But, frankly, the Red Sox can't stop second guessing themselves and the Yankees aren't going anywhere without a shopping cart. I give the nod to the White Sox because the Yankees will still be jet-lagged by Japan. Pobre Oakland. All those arms and no titles. Beaneball, Scummyball, fuck em all.

NLCS: Montreal over Chicago Cubs: How about a redux of last year's last minute collapse? Even though it is the year of the Cubs, the truth of the matter is, the Expos will be playing without a curse hovering over them.

AL MVP: Eric Chavez, Oakland
NL MVP: Randy Johnson, Arizona
AL Cy Young: Curt Schilling, Boston
NL Cy Young: Randy Johnson, Chicago Cubs

WORLD SERIES:

Montreal Expos over Chicago White Sox: Just another Seligful moment in a brief hysterectomy of time.

*****
Adu to Make Debut next Saturday, perhaps opening American eyes to football.

I'm Tired and I Need Some Sushi

Hula Howe removed Kaz Matsui after four innings and will give his shortstop a day off Saturday. "He's worked so hard that he's physically tired," Howe said. Matsui will not travel with the team to Orlando.

Matsui, who played 1,143 straight games in Japan, said he is "very grateful" for the day off. He went 0-for-2 Friday and is 10-for-53 (.189) in spring training. "A little fatigue has built up," he said. "I'm a little tired, yes."

Jesus Christ on a pogo stick! He's tired after a few weeks of Spring Training?!? Half of which was spent on the DL??? What's he going to be like in June, retired? Bad Omen Number 200.

At least someone still appreciates Bobby V. The folks in Japan have even built a shrine for him.


Most Optimistic of Opening Day Lineups:


Cameron CF .366-3-8 with 3 SBs
Matsui SS .196-1-5 with 1 SB
Reyes 2B .320-0-3 with 1 SB
Piazza C .364-4-16
Floyd LF .333-1-6
Wiggy 3B .306-2-6 with 3 SBs
Phillips 1B .260-3-6
R Gonzo RF .292-5-8

Pitcher:

Glavine 0-2 1.50
Leiter 1-0 5.00
Trachsel 1-0 2.00
Seo 0-1 6.75
Yates 3-0 0.64

Pen

O Moreno 15 inn 0.60 2 bb 12 k
Wheeler 11.2 0.77 1 bb 12 k
Weathers 11 2.45 3 bb 12 k
Bottalico 9.1 0.96 1 bb 4 k
Franco 9.1 1.93 2 bb 14 k
Stanton 8.0 7.88 3 bb 4 k
CLOSER/LOSER

Looper 8.0 7.88 0 bb 6 k

*****

Analysis: Injuries are the biggest factor on a team with two players with bone spurs, one perennially hamstrung superstar, a "tired" Japanese import and an aging catcher coming off a major injury. This does not address the upper 30's starting rotation which will break down repeatedly, the lack of real depth beyond them and a possibly horrific closer.

*****

NL East Predictions:

Montreal
Atlanta
Philly
Florida
Mets

Whipping Boys

For those of you who think the RF slot in Shea is cemented, you might be curious to note that Sports Amnesia's 2004 whipping boy, Roger Cedeno Is Up For Grabs.

"He's played left, center and right fields, and all of them equally horrendously," the ad reads. ". . . He used to be quite fast, but as he's gotten older and somewhat fatter on his contract, even that last vestige of value has left him. He cannot run the bases, he cannot play defense, he cannot hit for average."

And yes, on the second day in a row that Wonderkind Reyes was able to take batting practice without hurting himself or his delicately girlish gams, hundred year old hurler, Al Leiter discovered a cranky shoulder.

I see a consistent theme developing for the season and it spells out M-E-T-S I-N L-A-S-T P-L-A-C-E.

The one redeeming factor of yet another disppointing Mets season of losses and excuses is that it will hopefully result in the dismissal of Hula Howe. I've done some research on the matter and there does not appear to be a Fire Art Howe website yet. Sounds like a need crying out. Sports Amnesia will work on this and give a solution tomorrow.

Speaking of whipping boys, Sports Amnesia's Whipping Boy of 2003, Armandogeddon, for no apparent reason, was booed by his own fans when he entered for the ninth inning Thursday. "He got the same reception as last year," Mets general manager Jim Duquette said. "Too bad for him." Boo Hoo Benitez, who entered with the score tied at 1, got Danny Garcia on a pop-up to preserve the tie (the game was stopped after 11 innings with the score still tied at 1). It was the first time Benitez faced his former club since he was traded to the Yankees last season. "It's in the past, man," Benitez said. "I've got a new team, a new life. I'll be fine." . . . . Unless the Marlins have to play in any meaningful games this season they aren't already winning by twenty runs, that is.

*****

We are getting perilously close to the start of the season. The Yankees have already left for the confounding cultural differences of Japan. Even though he heartily endorsed the trip, King George is not following his minions to Japan. Of course, that could be for his fear of a terrorist attack on the Yankees. Police escorts will usher the Yankees everywhere. Black Hawk helicopters will wing the team to Camp Zoma, for a meet-and-greet with American soldiers.

Meanwhile, can anyone resist the poetic (in)justice of A-Rod Getting Hurt Against the Red Sox?

*****

Wouldn't this make for a great Game Seven of the 2004 World Series?

Cubs 2, A's 1 with Sammy Sosa getting three hits and driving in the go-ahead run and Kerry Wood allowing a run in 6 1-3 innings? In the real world, the Cubs confirmed that P Mark Prior will start the season on the DL. He is expected to be able to return during the team's first homestand, which is from April 12-19.


*****

A few days ago I mocked the Padres' chances this season because they noted that this season's likely number one draft pick was better than anyone they currently had in their rotation. Long Beach State's Jered Weaver, the man they were on about, was at it again last night, striking out 16 in six innings.

*****

Food for Thought: The Mets aren't willing to give up a pitcher who may or may not be good in a few years for what could be the Superstar of their lineup, Alfonso Soriano. Yesterday, Soriano homered to beat the Royals and has already had a 12 game hitting streak in Spring Training. He is currently hitting .347 with 4 stolen bases and a homer in 15 games.

*****

Bookmarks Revealed: Yeah, it might be a little late in the game but there once was a nice petition for Mets owner Freddy BoomBoom Wilpon to sign Vlad courtesy of East Coast Agony.

Where the Fuck Are You Now, Bruce Chen, Bruce Chen?

I know it's probably not important but I couldn't help but a small brain stutter when I read that he Blue Jays sent P Bruce Chen to the minors and wonder when and how he ever got Toronto-way to begin with. Then I started wondering how many teams he's been on lately, where has he wandered?

Panama City Bruce Chen has been with Atlanta, Philly, the Mets, Philly, Cincinnati, Montreal, Mets again, Boston, Houston, and now Toronto and now the minor leagues -- all in a mere five years of playing!!!

Settle down, Bruce. For crissakes. Your parents are looking for you.

*****

Next time I think I've found a cool baseball name, I'm going to remember that the Padres just sent down Tagg Bozied and I'm going to wait for him to make it back up to San Diego so he can be my favourite player after Florida's Hee Seop Choi, who we all hope has recovered from the nasty head injury he suffered at the hands of Kerry Wood against the Yankees last season after a particularly nasty and exciting collision.

*****

Bookmarks revealed: The Brushback, tops in absurdist sports news.

*****

Mets Update: The Mets' spring training complex was deserted yesterday except for a handful of minor-leaguers, a few front- office members and No. 1 starter Tom Glavine. An off day is not an off day if it happens to be your turn in the rotation, and Glavine suited up for an impromptu simulated game on the facility's only artificial turf field. He pitched six innings without incident and then could enjoy the rest of the afternoon, comfortable in the knowledge that he remains on track for Opening Day.

Lovely. How many runs will he surrender this opening day? A dozen? Half dozen?

Oh yeah, and whilst we're on about the crap rotation of the Mets, wunderkind Grant Roberts was rocked like a baby's cradle against the bloody Expos, my odds-on favourite to win the NL East this season.

And hey, if you like your Spring to be eternally hopeful, you can read about how the Human Hammy, Jose Reyes just might be back in time to injure himself again for Opening Day. Oh joy.

"But once he passes that exam, Reyes should be able to get back into the lineup, where he hopes to play his first game with shortstop Kazuo Matsui, unless the string of bad luck continues and Matsui reinjures his right middle finger."

Right. Unless Unless Unless.

Unless UnMets.

Aren't they supposed to wait until April before Futility Rears Its Ugly Head?

Training My Spring

Couldn't resist a little Peter Gammons reviewing the AL West since I've not read anything else and have fallen behind all of Spring Training save for knowing the Red Sox and Yankees both have injury troubles that could tip them over the edge before the season even starts. So Gammons says, AL West could be the site of the Wildcard. Intriguing except you know the Mariners are never going to amount to anything when they can't stop choking down the stretch and frankly, there's something ridiculous about the Angels making it again.

I'd go with the A's because of pitching. I wouldn't go with the Angels for even the Wildcard. Frankly, I'd like to see the Wildcard come out of the AL Central. White Sox and Royals? White Sox and Cubs World Series.

Right.

Here's how you know the Padres won't make it anywhere this year:

If the draft were held tomorrow, Jared Weaver would be the Padres' pick at No. 1. "He's as good as what we have," says one San Diego official. -- if he's as good as what they have and he's never pitched in the Major Leagues before, well, you do the math. PADRES ELIMINATED ALREADY.

Also notable: Gammons points out: "Just for some perspective on the meaning of won-loss records in spring training, the Marlins were 14-16 last spring, and the last five world champions were a combined 77-84 in the springs they won. Of course over the last five years the Yankees have two world championships, four pennants and five divisional titles, and have a combined spring training record of 71-86."

But AHA! How many teams with winning records in Spring Training went on to win the world series? Well, I had a quick search and found that there was a column on ESPN last March about this:

To get a sense of how well spring training records predict regular season success, we'll look at all spring training records back to 1996 (stopping there before we got to the severely abbreviated spring training of 1995). Let's look first at the very best spring teams.


Does a great spring mean a great regular season? Here are the 15 top spring records since 1996, along with records in the subsequent regular season:




Spring Training Reg Season
Team Year W L Pct W L Pct
Florida 1997 26 5 .839 92 70 .568
Boston 1998 20 8 .714 92 70 .568
Kansas City 1999 22 9 .710 64 97 .398
Los Angeles 1999 21 9 .700 77 85 .475
Baltimore 2002 20 9 .690 67 95 .414
Oakland 2001 22 10 .688 102 60 .630
Arizona 1999 22 10 .688 100 62 .617
Houston 2002 19 9 .679 84 78 .519
Texas 1998 21 10 .677 88 74 .543
California 1996 21 10 .677 70 91 .435
Baltimore 1998 18 9 .667 79 83 .488
Detroit 1996 20 10 .667 53 109 .327
Arizona 2002 23 12 .657 98 64 .605
St. Louis 1997 21 11 .656 73 89 .451
San Diego 1998 19 10 .655 98 64 .605
TOTALS 315 141 .691 1237 1191 .509


There isn't much reason to believe in spring training records here. Seven of these 15 March Monsters finished below .500 in the regular season. There are some outstanding teams on this list, but there are some truly awful teams too. In particular, notice the great spring put together by the 1996 Detroit Tigers. After they left Florida, they turned out to be the very worst major league team since the '60s.

*****

A look back at the Spring Training Yankees in 1951


Thanks Babe details Ruthian Spring Trainings:

"He was known as a tireless sexual athlete. One night, according to an often-told story that may not be true, but probably should be, Ruth brought a woman into the hotel suite he shared with the outfielder Bob Meusel. Meusel, half-asleep in his own room, tried to ignore the great commotion coming from Babe's room. Finally it stopped. Then Meusel smelled cigar smoke. Minutes later, the yells and cries returned, followed minutes later by more cigar smoke. Between noise and cigar smoke, Meusel slept badly that night.

In the morning, Meusel asked his roommate how many times he had been romantic.

"Count the cigars," Ruth said.

Seven butts lay in the ash tray."

*****

Bookmarks Revealed: a great new baseball site: The Hardball Times

*****
Hey, what about ESPN's Ten Players Most Likely To Be Moved piece?

The Rangers reportedly would trade Alfonso Soriano to the Mets for Scott Kazmir, but New York is reluctant to part with its prized pitching prospect. No secret there. But at least they're down from asking for Reyes. Frankly, Soriano is a proven commodity. Kazmir, to date, isn't. I'm not so enamoured with prospects, these can't miss numbers, especially when they're pitchers. I remember when the Mets traded (careful, this is a PDF link) Octavio Dotel, etc for what in essence amounted to Mike Hampton -- and at the time everyone was whining and worrying because Dotel had so much potential. He was going to be a starter, an ace, better than Hampton's wet dreams. Sure, he's a good pitcher but let's say the Mets had been able to resign Hampton -- it'd have been a better deal overall. Dotel has been with the Astros since 2000 as a nice set-up guy and now he's an unproven closer, FOUR YEARS LATER.

For my money, I'd trade Kazmir, take the chance and add Soriano. Not that it matters anyway with Reyes always out hurt, two thirds of the outfield nursing bone spurs in their lower extremities which could sideline for the season at any minute and Piazza remaining a liability at the plate.

I'd package Piazza off to the AL whilst he still has some potential. Mariners? Red Sox? Yankees? He'd make a lovely DH for the right team and maybe the Mets could get another arm to fill in their LOSER ROTATION for this up and coming season.

*****
And finally, more good news: Newcastle boss Sir Bobby Robson has revealed he may remain at St James' Park after his current contract finishes at the end of next season.

What A Shocker! Reyes Has A Bitchy Hammy!

In what should come as a suprise to no one who has followed his brief career to date, superstar in the making (if he ever strings together a complete month of play without injury) Jose Reyes has hurt his hamstring yet again.

This makes about the fifth time in a year that Reyes has been injured and each of those injuries have been either leg or foot related. Get some new wheels, dude!

On the other hand, the typically slothful and slow to the take idiots running the Mets are only now muttering about specialising Reyes' training to cater to his fragile little legs and feet. Like a bird, he is, this Reyes.

Yet another sign of the season to come -- Cameron and Floyd already whinging about bone spurs, Piazza clueless at first and enemic behind the plate, no pitching staff to speak of, and well, Art Howe remains as manager. "I don't want to lose sleep on this just yet" Howe says. Good for Howe. Don't lose sleep. It's only your fucking job at stake!

*****

In case you were wondering, my final four picks for the NCAA tourney, of three separate sheets:

My first bracket has: Michigan St, Wisconsin, Duke and Syracuse, with Duke winning it all.
Bracket two has: Kentucky, Pitt, Duke and UConn with Kentucky winning it all.
My Absurdist Bracket three has: Gonzaga, St Joes, Mississippi St and UConn with Miss St. winning it all.

Met Mutterings
"If he was anybody else, like Port St. Lucie people, they just talk out the mouth and they go."
Eric Vidal, 20, pizza deliverer, disrespected and pummeled by Met players.

If you search the Keep Port St. Lucie Beautiful Guiding Principles outline you will be disappointed to find how little talking out the mouth and going is mentioned. However, if you were to momentarily believe the stories of parking lot urination and pissaboy delivery beatings, you might, as Port St. Lucie detective in charge of the investigation, Mike Beath, did, find the pissaboy's story "vague and somewhat improbable." Don King ridiculous, I might have added. But good enough to find himself awarded the Sports Amnesia's Idiot of the Week.

Johnny Damon and the Doors

Sorry, couldn't help but take notice of Gammons' article containing the photo of Johnny Damon and his new Christ look and compare it with Val Kilmer's version of Jim Morrison or perhaps further still, Jim Morrison taking acting lessons from Oliver Stone.

Doesn't bode well for the Sox.

Radical Realignment
"Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim." Bertrand Russell

Instead of thinking about contracting the financially weakest teams in baseball like Montreal, Milwaukee and Tampa Bay from the Major Leagues, why not relegate them to AAA?