Insomnia in Warwickshire

One of the primary benefits of these bouts of insomnia in the silence of the Warwickshire countryside is that they allow me to listen via the internet to a plethera of baseball games in America that I'd have otherwise blissfully slept through.

In the instant moment for example, I've just finished listening to the Astros sweep the MLB-best Cardinals and vault themselves into the NLWC lead. Unpleasant giddiness from Astroland, I assure you. But to erase the ugliness from my mind, I've switched now to top of the 8th between the Texas Rangers and the Anaheim Angels in the battle for the AL West (and final playoff spot) where the Rangers have just taken a 6-5 lead and Angels manager Mike Soscia is arguing about an early take off from third on a sac fly that broke the tie.

Later, there will be the Giants, currently ahead of the Padres by a 2-0 margin in the 2nd inning and Oakland is at Seattle. Four games, within an hour, each of them with heavy playoff implications. This time of year is always when I think of Bob Costas' idiotic mewl against the wildcard in baseball. As it is, there are two of eight playoff spots left. Without the wildcard, we're only interested in the AL West in the last week of baseball. Well, that and Ichiro's chase. Now just three away from Sisler's ancient mark.

(Update: Rangers are leading 6-5 in the top of the 9th, with Erstad, Glaus and Guerrero to go to put themselves two games behind the Angels with four games remaining)

Sad to say, I've not bothered listening to the Mets and their triple A train in several weeks since none of them, save for a few undeserved upsets against the rapidly choking Cubs, have had any playoff implications. On the bright side, only a year too late, it appears they've finally hired Expos GM Omar Minaya. Of course, in typical Mets fashion, they haven't hired him to be their GM, they've hired him to be their "head of baseball operations" which means that the Mets now have one "official" GM in Jim Duquette, one "unnamed" GM in Jeff Wilpon and one "head of baseball operations but certainly not GM" in Minaya. Idiots. They'll need another six or seven GMs if they hope to avoid imminent disaster - the rumours are aswirl that for the second time in a row, they will be bridesmaids to Lou Piniella and will hire another LOOOOser in his stead - this time in the form of a manager with a CAREER LOSING RECORD, Jim Fregosi. Good luck to another crap series of seasons. One very damning stat in examining Fregosi's record: "In each of his four managerial stops, Fregosi left on good terms with the players." - Sounds like another recipe for disaster. If that (hiring Fregosi to manage the Mets) comes to pass, I'm going to seriously consider renouncing the Mets for something more helpful to my psychological well-being, like a lobotomy...

(Update, D'Oh! After two quick outs, Curtis Pride hits a triple to drive in Vladimir and tie the game, Francisco Cordero blows the save...6-6 going into the bottom of the 9th)

I've decided that if I'm forced to renounce the Mets for general incompetence and hostility towards success for signing a managing miscarriage like Fregosi to manage them into fourth place every season, then I'll probably have to root for a team that at least tries every year, despite the absurd odds pitted against them; yes, Les Expos.

Washington Johnsons?

Of course, I could never abandon my Mets for another band of pathetic yelpers, but it will certainly be an interesting story as baseball returns to Washington.

Although they couldn't possibly become the Washington Expos, I wouldn't think anyway that not even Selig is THAT stupid, I've not heard much about what they will be called. According to the Washington Times, a petition was circulated to name the team the "Washington Grays" in tribute to the Homestead Grays, a Negro League team that played in Washington in the 1930s and 1940s. "The Senators" seems rather stupid since despite their best efforts, DC has no representation in the Senate, not to mention the fact that it's already been done, to miserable reviews.

Perhaps they should be renamed the Youppies, in honour of the Expos Mascot Who Will Probably Bite The Dust. Youppi, in fact, was the first mascot to be thrown out of a Major league game. On Aug. 23, 1989 -- 10 years after the mascot arrived in Montreal -- the orange, hairy giant was ejected in the 11th inning after Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda complained to the umpires about Youppi danced atop of the visitors' dugout.

The official Sports Amnesia nomination for new team would be the Washington Johnsons, in honour of the greatest pitcher in Washington baseball history, Walter "Big Train" Johnson. Of course, "Johnson" is also slang for dick - and wouldn't it make a great mascot, a giant dick - apropos for a city of politicians like DC.

In any event, by waiting so long to make the announcement, baseball has another royal cock up on its hands. Realistically, the new ownership could not take over until after next season has already started which means budgetary constraints, personnel decisions, decisions about what to name the team, what their logo should be, who their GM and manager should be, etc. - will be decided by the consortium of baseball owners that have run Les Expos into the ground for the last several seasons. A very ominous beginning, despite the obvious joy there must be in DC.

(Update: more bad news for Rangers reliever Cordero - in the top of the 11th, he just surrendered a two run homer on to Green's Hill at the 404 foot mark in dead centre field to Troy Glaus, giving the stinkin' Angels an 8-6 lead. A loss by the Rangers will mathematically eliminate them)

Postseason

I don't mind saying that of the several teams with hopes of making the postseason, the Angels and the Astros are the only two teams I definately don't want to see make it. The Cubbies, in the midst of their annual choking free fall, have now lost four of their last five games (against the Mets and Reds of all teams), to allow the Astros to move ahead of them by a half game with a game in hand in the NLWC race. The Astros are now tied with the SF Giants for the NLWC as the Giants face the Padres in SD - winning would put the Giants up by a half game)

(Update: The Rangers new season hits record holder, Michael Young with 211, made the final out against Angels reliever Troy Percival to seal the Rangers season in an 8-7 loss in the bottom of the 11th. Now the question is whether to switch to the Giants NL chase tied in the 7th against the Padres 3-3 OR to see whether or not the A's can keep pace with the Angels at Seattle - A's are currently leading the Mariners 2-1 in the 7th - switched to the Giants game - listened to it yesterday at 4 in the morning as the Padres were virtually eliminated from the NL postseason)

So, looking ahead at the knowns of the NL postseason, we've got the Cardinals, Atlanta and the LA Dodgers as likely or certain division champs and the Cubs, Astros, and Giants as possible wildcards - if the Cubs or Astros make the WC, the Cards would open against the Dodgers and the Braves, certain first round losers would face the Cubs or the Astros. If the Giants squeak in as WC, the Cards would face them in the first round and the Dodgers would face the Braves. Since the All Star break, the Cards are 1-5 against the Astros, 2-4 against the Giants and 4-2 against the Dodgers. The Cardinals would be best off rooting for the Astros or the Cubs to win the WC and set up an exciting NLCS against their NL Central rivals. The only sure thing is that whomever the Braves face will advance to the NLCS.

In the AL postseason, you've got the Yankees, Twins, Red Sox and either the Angels or the A's. Depending entirely on how the Twins fare the rest of the way (tied with the Angels for the best record after the Yankees), the Red Sox would face either the Twins or the Angels/A's. If the Angels win the AL West and finish with a better record than the Twins (likely, considering the Twins have lost six of eight since clinching its third straight AL Central title) - then the Red Sox would open against the Angels and the Yankees against the Twins. Of course, if the Twins suddenly wake up in their season ending series against the Toronto Blue Jays and earn the second best record in the AL, the Twins would face the Sox and the Yankees would face either the Angels or the A's.

The danger mouse is of course, the Angels. (update: The A's have now fallen behind the Mariners, 3-2 in the 8th) - since the All Star break, they've got a 2-5 record against the Red Sox, swept the Yankees at Yankee Stadium and were an indecisive 3-3 against the Twins. If like me, you're rooting for a Yankees-Red Sox ALCS, you'd be best rooting for the Angels (if they win the AL West) to have a better record than the Twins (meaning a Twins-Yankees, Angels-Red Sox opening pair of series).

Oh good god, it's mind-boggling! If this, then that. If that, then this.

Homeside Baseball Blogs

Props for the season to the following bloggers who have kept me updated on their home teams with wit and verve not normally associated with baseball reportage:

East Coast Agony (Mets & Red Sox)

"At long last, erstwhile Expos GM Omar Minaya has reportedly gnawed through the steel chains binding him to that sinking ship of a franchise and escaped in the nick of time. He washed up on the idyllic sandy shore of baseball unemployment, and found himself beset by two choices: he could wait for a passing ship to pick him up and return him to civilization, or he could agree to rule a host of ignorant cannibalistic savages who populated the island, used dollars for kindling, and traded their young for the aged and infirm of other tribes."

Uncouth Sloth (Cubs)

"I'll leave the thoughtful analysis to fellas like Cub Reporter. Today, I'm going to tell you what I think of the St. Louis Cardinals, who rolled over like coke whores last night for Houston.

It's bad enough that we still have to worry about shit stains like Jeff Kent and Roger Clemens. But if we had a REAL commissioner, who gave a rat's ass about things like competition and fair play, there would be an order for the goddamned puke-spewing Cardinals to play ball this week. There's no way the two teams should be allowed to conspire to keep us out of the playoffs. This isn't the motherfucking WWF..this is baseball, Porter, we play on a real diamond. Except for Rolen, they're all a disgrace to the game.

It starts with the crank-cooking pudwhack who shits out the lineup card. Sure, fucking LaRussa hates the obnoxious Dusty Baker. But isn't it the true test of just how much of a maxi-pad LaRussa is, when he comes out of it looking way more fucked up than Baker? You don't see Dusty getting all red, spitting, waving around like a raghead fertility dancer. LaRussa is a filthy-ass pig who dives in dumpsters behind proctologist's offices looking for something to eat, and spends his off days wiping his scabby, infected dick all over the curtains in fancy restaurants in St. Louis."

Three words, Anger Management, baby. But a great daily rant.

and since they were referenced above, yes, The Cub Reporter

Waiting For Boof:

"...At several points during the season, Giants fans wanted to tie Tomko in a mail sack and toss him into the Bay. Metaphorically, of course. Or perhaps lock him in a dark room, having someone in a Lou Seal costume shoot t-shirts at him from a t-shirt gun while repeatedly screaming, “IF YOU DON’T RETIRE, I AM GOING TO BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE! DO YOU HEAR ME?” Metaphorically, of course."

I sense a recurrant theme of anger and frustration in these pennant chases. Imagine that.

Against the Grain (Milwaukee Brewers, which in itself, is amazing - who'd have thunk there was a Brewer fan out there willing to write a daily blog who hadn't drown himself in misery and bad Midwestern beer already? Every time I think how much it sucks to watch the Idiot Explosion at Shea Stadium, I just remind myself gently, hey - at least you're not a Brewers fan!)

"THIS JUST IN, MILTON BRADLEY IS A PSYCHO
If you haven't seen the highlights from last night, I'm sure you will eventually. A fan at Dodger Stadium threw a bottle at Dodgers outfielder MILTON BRADLEY and then Bradley went back to be Milton Bradley...That is in essence a psychopath.

I understand that the fan is completely wrong for throwing a bottle at Bradley, but his reaction was inappropriate and absolutely insane. His team is in the final week of the regular season, that has them playing the second place Giants this weekend for what could very well determine the NL West Champion and now the Dodgers will be without one of their best players."

Others well worth visiting:

Petco Padres
El Lefty Malo (Giants)
Across the Seams (Giants)

Admittedly, I'm not much of an AL fan. My favourite team plays in the NL, the AL has a DH, which I've always hated (unless of course, it's existence allows the Mets to dump Mike Piazza on some AL team before next season) plus, I revile the two teams which are considered the best in the AL (Yankees and Red Sox), I abhor the Angels for reasons I've never been able to express other than the listless retelling of the word "Anaheim", AND, the only team I've ever been remotely interested in the AL, the Orioles, despite Peter Assholangelos, haven't fielded a competetive team in about a decade or so. About the only thing the AL has going for it is the hysterical hatred between the Yankees and the Red Sox which is simultaneously sickening and fascinating.

Elephants in Oakland - quality writing.

Mariner Musings -

(Update: Giants and Padres are still tied 3-3 in the top of the 10th and the A's have lost to the Mariners 4-2 giving the Angels the lead in the AL West and reaffirming the A's with the Cubs as probable choke co-champions of 2004, snatching away the title from the two-time reigning champion Seattle Mariners)

Cub Demise

"Not since the concrete fell has anything at Wrigley Field crumbled so hard and so fast.

A strike away from winning a very big game, the Cubs blew it, if I may borrow a couple of Dusty Baker's favorite words, big-time."

Mike Downey's analysis in the Trib today on The Crumbling Cubs

(More updates: As it nears 6:30 in the morning here in Warwickshire, the Padres have the bases loaded with no outs in the bottom of the 10th following two consecutive Giant errors and former Met reject Jay Payton at the plate...

Payton grounds to second base, force at home despite a terrible throw, bases loaded, one down. Mark Loretta coming to the plate.

Fly ball to right field. Ball is dropped, no, caught -- Giants RFer Dustin Mohr caught the ball and then fell down allowing the winning run to tag up and score, uncontested. Oh Misery are the Giants as well! Padres win in the bottom of the 10th.

Astros take the NL Wild card lead.

Ugh.

I Am Not An Idiot
"I AM not an idiot, I am not abrasive, I am not running the day-to-day workings of the baseball operations, I "feel the pain" of Mets fans because I am passionate about winning and - most important - I am not going anywhere." - Jeff Wilpon, he who doth protest too much.

So goes the report of an extensive Jeff Wilpon interview with the NY Post. Joel Sherman notes:

"...when asked when Met fans could expect a winner, Jeff said, "I think in the next three years things will be turned around." That sounds like rebuilding from an organization that seven weeks ago traded a group of its best prospects, notably Scott Kazmir. Jeff insisted the pitchers obtained, Kris Benson and Victor Zambrano, will be part of the transformation back to the family goal of "sustained contending."

It's three years now? Isn't that setting the bar a little low? I don't know about the rest of Metsdom, but I don't think it is reasonable to expect us to wait three years for a winner when nothing the Mets Idiot Collective has done in the LAST three years has indicated we're gravitating towards winning anytime soon. In fact, if the last three seasons are any indication, you might as well guess three HUNDRED years.

But the one consistency of these last three seasons has been that the sole joy of Mets fans has been the final ejaculation of relief when local punching bags and scapegoats are finally jettisoned. Each season has had its poster boy for Met disgust and each season has seen the eventual elimination of that poster boy.

In 2002, it was arguably Rey Ordonez, the hitless, whimpering wonder who, after making a career high 19 errors, had the temerity to call Mets fans "stupid" for booing a team that was (little did we know) just beginning to set new standards of mediocrity in the 21st century. I saw "arguably" because there were a host of scapegoats like Fat Mo, Steve Phillips and/or Bobby V.

In 2003, it was a tag team of Steve Phillips and Armandogeddon which received the brunt of fan disgust. Phillips was finally fired in June as a human sacrifice to the frothing mouths of fan frustration but it wasn't until Armandogeddon was finally dumped on the Yankees that we were willing to accept the fate of losers for the season quietly.

And this season, who else but manager Art Howe, the manager no one but Fred Wilpon wanted managing the Mets and the manager whom the A's didn't even want managing for them after he'd blown a few postseasons almost singlehandedly for them.

We're already warming it up, it seems, on our targets for 2005 - The Wilpons - and deservedly so. Systematic incompetence will no go away with the wave of a magic wand and the annual sacrificial firing.

And we certainly aren't going to be satisfied with some three year plan that merely deflects attention away from the source of the current incompetence.

So far, two pitchers who I really question should be pitching for the Mets next season, have reaffirmed their tepid desire to pitch for the Mets next season. First, Al Leiter says he isn't sure he wants to be back and then says he does. Great. Where else are we going to find senior citizen lefty to pitch five innings an outing? Oh yeah, we've already got Tom Glavine.

Kris Benson, who faces his old team today in Pittsburgh, also says he might be interested in pitching for the Mets next season, IF, of course, they overpay him enough for a history of injuries and inconsistency and IF, of course, they ever decide on which sad sack they are bringing in to manage these aging clowns next season.

*****

As it IS Sunday, after all and one can not help but harken those woebegone days of America yore when that meant NFL Football, please allow me the pleasure of introducing the single funniest NFL commentator I've had the pleasure of reading:

The Mighty MJD:

"And now the barking Browns fans have turned to what may be an even more annoying habit: stealing someone else's chant. They're singing, "Here we go, Brownies, Here we go! WOOF, WOOF!" Good, I'm glad they mixed in the barking, because while I hate them, I hadn't actually wished for any of them to get in car accidents on the way home. Now I have."

Read it and weep tears of laughter.

Bonds Joins Aaron and Ruth at 700

It's no secret that Sports Amnesia's runaway choice for NL MVP, Barry Bonds waited until he'd left the doldrums of Selig-land and Milwaukee to return home to hammer number 700 last night thereby not only making history, but leading his SF Giants to a 4-1 victory over San Diego in the process and keeping the Giants ahead of da Cubbies for the NL Wildcard chase.

It was his 42nd homer of the season which seems almost Herculean considering how often he is walked most games (207 times in 133 games). And still, as Dale Hoffman of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinal pointed out yesterday, Bonds' 700th doesn't put him in Ruth's and Aaron's company, he's already been there:

"As home runs become more common, they seem to be getting less exciting and clearly less marketable. The ball that Mark McGwire hit for his 70th in 1998 fetched $3 million on the memorabilia market, while the one that Bonds crushed for his 73rd had a garage sale tag of $450,000 three years later. His 600th got pulled off the market when it couldn't draw a minimum bid of $50,000.

Maybe the collectors are getting thriftier, or maybe the public's paying closer attention to detail. It's not as if Bonds would have stepped into the company of Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron by hitting his 700th here.

He has been with them since April, when he became only the third man to hit 661. Not that he seemed to notice."

Perhaps more importantly, it was also the Giants' sixth win in a row and while they still hold the WC lead over the Cubs, they are fast closing in on those damned Dodgers as well, now only 2 1/2 games out of first with several 6 more games still to play against those Dodgers, including the last series of the regular season.

In fact, Bonds will have to continue to be Herculean for the rest of the season because the Giants don't get any breaks the rest of the way. This Padres series is followed by a series against the Houston Astros, then the Dodgers, then the Padres again before closing out against the Dodgers again. Their destiny is, as they say, all in their own hands.

*****

Lost in the excitement was the Yankees last inning loss to the Red Sox last night which dropped their lead to 2 1/2 games. Realistically, this series and the one to follow it next weekend, barring any major disasters or meltdowns, is probably not all that important in the scheme of things. Even if the Red Sox overtake the Yankees, there is slim to no chance that someone like the Angels will catch up to them and snatch the wildcard spot. The Red Sox can take all the revenge they want in the regular season and it won't mean anything if they can't do it again in the postseason when it counts.

That said, it is perhaps somewhat ominous to note that Mariano Rivera's meltdown last night was not his first against the Red Sox this season. Two months ago, in their last meeting, he blew a save against the Sox on a Bill Mueller homerun in the bottom of the 9th. So in his last two outings against their biggest rivals, Mariano hasn't lived up to his name. It is something certain to be pondering in great outpourings of hysteria and concern by Yankees fans in the weeks to come. Over the last three years, Mariano has had 17 save chances against the Red Sox and has missed five of them. In fact, over that same period of time, the Red Sox are Mariano's biggest nemesis of all the AL teams with a chance to face the Yankees in the playoffs.

Against Boston, he sports a less-than-glittering ERA of 3.34 since 2001. Comparatively, he's not allowed an earned run by the Twins in those same three years, he has a 2.08 ERA against the A's and a 2.84 ERA against the Angels.

Of course, only five teams have scored on him all season and of those five, only the Angels and the Red Sox are teams with any prayer of the postseason.

Mariano doesn't seemed too concerned though. "They beat me tonight," Rivera said. "But I will be back."

Indeed he will but the aura and fear factor is swiftly dwindling.

Besides the race for the AL East and the AL Wildcard, this series is also showcasing what is arguably, the two strongest AL MVP candidates in Gary Sheffield and Manny Ramirez. Oddly, both of them seem more recognisable by their respective histories of controversies than they do by their output, but these are the two best players on the two best teams (statistically anyway) in the American League. Their numbers on the season are tightly similar,(Sheff .298-34-113-.402 OBP,-.547 Slugging and Manny .311-41-118-.402-.623) so if we're boiling the water into steam to find who is more valuable of the two, you might have a look at how each performed against their other half thus far this season:

Sheffield is hitting .240 with two homers and 10 rbis in 50 at bats against the Red Sox. For the season, Sheff is hitting .333 with runners in scoring position.

Manny is hitting .281 with six homers and 12 rbis in 57 at bats against the Yankees. For the season, Manny is hitting .326 with runners in scoring position.

Last night, Manny went 0-2 with 2 walks while Sheffield had a hit and a walk in 4 trips to the plate. At this pace, Manny should get the nod over Sheff but if the Yankees were to win the AL East and the Red Sox fail to make the playoffs, well, there would go all of Manny's votes in the rubbish bin.

Something worth keeping an eye on. That, and the fact that A-Rod, the coup of the offseason for the Yankees, is still hitting a pathetic .238 with runners in scoring position this season and Jeter is hitting only .286 with runners in scoring position.

And then of course, the forgotten MVP, David Ortiz, whose stats for the season are frighteningly similar to Ramirez's (.298-37-125), against the Yankees, is hitting .340 with a pair of homers and and 7 rbis in 53 at-bats and hits .331 with runners in scoring position. Not to mention a fat .370 average at Yankee Stadium as the enemy this season.

Oh the choices! Oh the excitement! At this rate, the fans in both cities may suffer a collective aneurysm before the postseason even begins. To pass the time before the first pitch of the next game in about 5 hours, have a glance through the Yanksfan-Soxfan Stretch Drive Quiz.

And amid all the hullaballoo, I stand back and think about how lucky I am to be a Mets fan. Look how calm, cool and collected I can be, counting down the days to the end of the Art Howe Era. No pennant race jitters. No agonising games to die little deaths over, inning by inning. No post season fears. No worries about anything but the latest trend in Mike Piazza's facial hair and whether or not the Expos, a mere two and a half games behind the Mets for second-to-last place, (oh irony! the same number of games that separate the Yankees and Sox!) can claw their way out of the basement and kick the Mets down there, down in to that Saddam-like spider hole of futility and mediocrity, the Mets home away from home, the NL East cellar.

*****

Since today is Saturday, that means college football, none of which, unfortunately, I can watch over here. However, I can see images and this one of 20th ranked Fresno State head coach Pat Hill leads me to question if he looks more like Satan or just another HILLbilly.

The idiocy that is the BCS does not sweat the Fresno States of the world, nor should they. The more silent Coach Hill is kept, the better, as far as I'm concerned, so I'll be rooting for Division 1-AA Portland State to end this absurdist gobbing before it has a chance to take root by knocking off Fresno State tonight. I mean, who is kidding who here? Fresno State? For the NCAA beach volleyball championship, maybe. For the NCAA frisbee football championship, sure, why not. But the BCS will not come calling.

Three games of note this weekend:

LSU (2-0) at Auburn (2-0).
Maryland (2-0) at West Virginia (2-0)
Florida (1-0) at Tennessee (1-0).

All six teams are ranked in the top 25 in the country and all three games will have a significant bearing who is getting knocked out of consideration by the third week of the season. Sports Amnesia's betting pool has Auburn, Maryland and Tennessee winning and carrying their seasons further.

*****

No!No!No!

Imagine my shock and awe and horror at reading the NY Post this morning and finding out that the Mets Idiot Collective already have placed Jim Fregosi near the top of their wish list.

Jim Fuckin Fregosi for crissakes! The corpse of failure that was Art Howe's managerial stint with the Mets hasn't even finished decomposing yet and already, they are confounding the Laws of Extreme Stupidity and Failure To Learn From Past Mistakes by even DARING to consider a lifetime loser like Jim Fregosi.

Jim Fregosi, let's make this loud and clear so even the addled brained twats in the Mets front office can hear us: HAS A LIFETIME LOSING RECORD AS A MANAGER!!!!

That's LOSING RECORD as in, 1028 wins and 1095 LOSSES or what is otherwise known as a sub-.500 winning percentage, generally recognised in most circles, as being a LOSING RECORD.

Why would the Mets replace a manager with a losing record with another manager with a losing record?

Consistency is my guess. Keep expectations low. Then if they make another miraculous run near .500 next season and manage to spend more than a day or two out of last place, we can all get all goose pimply again about the illusion that the Mets will ever be anything but losers whilst the Wilpons destroy the team with their crass stupidity and appalling lack of baseball acumen.

There are only two legitimate names to be bandied about when mentioning the replacement for Art Howe. Lou Piniella or Wally Backman.

If the Mets hire Jim Fregosi to run the ship into another two season long iceberg, I'm renouncing my support for good and jumping ship to the Washington Expos (or whatever the hell they'll end up being called).

*****

Last note: The View From the Bleachers has moved. Click on the magical name and you will find it. So when you're looking for insight on the next Cubby Collapse, look no further than here.

Why Not Randy For Cy?

Last night, the bottom feeding Arizona Diamondback's best pitcher, Randy Johnson, won his second consecutive outing and surpassed the last great pitcher to pitch for a crap team, Steve Carlton, in all time strikeouts, with 4137.

In and of itself, this isn't sufficient merit for consideration for the Cy Young, but if you look at all the key stats in the NL outside of wins, something that Randy Johnson can do little of without any run support, you see that Randy Johnson is either leading or within the top two in every category.

And let's not forget: Randy Johnson pitched a perfect game this season.

There's nobody out there with huge victory numbers this season.

IP

1. R Johnson ARI 223.2
2. L Hernandez MON 223.0
3. R Oswalt HOU 210.1

ERA

1. R Johnson ARI 2.74
2. C Zambrano CHC 2.80
3. B Sheets MIL 2.83


Batting Average Against

1. R Johnson ARI .190
2. J Schmidt SF .202
3. O Perez PIT .209

K/IP

1. O Perez PIT 11.08
2. R Johnson ARI 10.78
3. J Schmidt SF 10.18

K/BB

1. R Johnson ARI 6.12
2. D Wells SD 4.50
3. G Maddux CHC 4.72


STRIKOUTS

1. R Johnson ARI 268
2. B Sheets MIL 228
3. J Schmidt SF 224

A Staggering Night of Nearly Nothingness
Barry Bonds failed to collect a hit in his bid to join the 700-homer club, but he did score a run to help the San Francisco Giants edge the host Milwaukee and keep grip on NL WC

The hobgoblins continue to circle the rotting corpse of Art Howe's managerial stint with the Mets as documented on a rolling basis by FIRE ART HOWE ALREADY!. Once the firing squad has finished their dirty work, I'm thinking of renaming the site Please Sell the Team Mr Wilpon!. Apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks the Mets Idiot Collective is ruining baseball for Queens.

Joel Sherman of the NYPost thinks it's time for the management to Ownup to Failure.

"Of course, Howe has to go, but that is merely a symptom of the problem. Jeff Wilpon refused any comment, and Fred Wilpon would not discuss Howe's status. But when asked if the mess that is the Mets ultimately fell to him, Fred responded, "It certainly would reflect on any CEO, and I'm the CEO." Then Wilpon disputed the Mets are a mess during much of a 20-minute interview, and sounded as if a small change like Bowa is in the offing, but not the substantial philosophical shifts that so clearly must be made."

Of course, part of the idiot savant genius that is the Mets Idiot Collective involved themselves in the trade of one of the Mets' brightest young pitching prospects for a man with a broken arm in Tampa Bay. Now, former untouchable/untradeable Met, Scott Kazmir continues to humiliate his former bosses by pitching in the Major Leagues when they said he wasnt' ready. Last night, Kazmir shut down Pedro Martinez and the Boston Red Sox just in case there were any doubts about his potential, whiffing nine over six shutout innings.

*****

Meanwhile back in Chicago, the Florida Marlins continue to entertain Chicago fans with their "home" victories at the White Sox's U.S. Cellular Field, allowing the poor bastids to see some winning baseball for a change. Jay Mariotti thinks Chicago finally has a home team we can root for.

"With no apologies whatsoever to the Cubs, I am rooting for the competition. That's how warmed I am by the saga of the Florida Marlins, Chicago's house guests, who've been burdened by a real-life ordeal yet are handling it with all the stress of frat guys on a panty raid. All you need to know is that the Fish have won 12 of 15 games while three hurricanes -- Charley, Frances and Ivan -- have paralyzed their state."

*****

Lastly, in a seemingly never-ending provocation against baseball fans, Sports Amnesia has been cheating by spending the first half of the night watching Chelsea poach PSG by a 3-0 margin on the road, hopefully sealing their advance into the next round of the Champions League.

Unfortunately, PSV Eindhoven were unsuccessful in their bid to oust Arseholenol away and will have to go back to Eindhoven to eind it all.

But all hope is not yet lost for the Dutch teams as Ajax face Juventus tonight at Ajax Arena.

Let's root for Liverpool over Monaco at home and that Man U fail miserably at Lyon. In fact, quite possibly the only side Sports Amnesia are rooting stronger against than Arseholenol would be the Man U side, so allyons Lyon!

Nano Information

Due to a crawling travel through Yorkshire, Northumbria and Scotland, Sports Amnesia missed all the excitement of the weekend of sports in America although did manage to catch a snatch or two of the EPL matches. However, pacing through what was missed, here are some of the stories, helter skelter tidbits both with and without comment and or merit:

Carlos Beltran - nears the 40-40 club to join Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez (what a divergent bunch) -- currently, he's stuck at 38 homers and 36 stolen bases - his last stolen base was August 30th -- legs might be getting a bit fatigued but he's still hitting .317 in September with a pair of homers and 4 ribbies, even though the Astros have done a

Cubs-Marlins - leaving Warwickshire on Friday, this was the most anticipated series of the weekend as hurricane detritus, last season's amazing Cubbie flop and a slew of games in a short span all combined to make what would be, according to the Sports Amnesia offices, the series of the weekend and the season. Meanwhile the Astros, who'd temporarily taken the wildcard slot, lost three of five to spin out of control. As for the Cubs-Marlins series, Wood was slammed in Game 1, Prior won Game 2, Cubs took Game 3 by scoring 5 in the last two innings off the Marlins bullpen and Game 4 was an 11-1 pasting by the Marlins to even those four matches out at two apiece. interesting to note that The Sammy is hitting .211 during this September push. If there were ever a least valuable player out there, Sammy just might be the poster child.

NL Wildcard - Meanwhile, the sneaky San Fransisco Giants by winning only 6 of 10, have managed to push their way, like the head of a cesarean baby, into the top spot of the NL Wildcard, a half game ahead of the Cubs and three games ahead in games played - that is: the Giants have played 144 and the Cubs have played 141. The Astros are still only one back (144 games played) and the Marlins, after after winning a home game in an AL park, are two games back having played only 140 games). You can say what you want about the Padres, only two and a half behind after 143 games, but this is a four team race that no one seems truly willing to grap hold of. Oh yeah, in sharp contrast to the Sammy, The Barry seems to be bringing it on for the playoff push. In September, Bonds is hitting .458 with 3 homers and 6 ribbies in 10 games with a .958 slugging percentage. Ding-a-Ling! Any clowns out there still want to make a case for anybody but Barry for the NL MVP?

The Marlins next four games are against Montreal, in Chicago. The Cubs have two against the Pirates and one against the Reds, the Astros have three at home against the Cardinals and the Giants play three in Milwaukee.

Fighting Irish Fans can breath a temporary sigh of relief. After being humiliated by the Mormons at BYU in an opening season loss, the Irish faced the "mighty" Michigan Wolverines in a match which all who winge'd thought would be the end of poor Coach Tyrone Willingham. Aye, not to be. Instead, as hoped, the Irish prevailed over Michigan to save their season, in a 28-20 must-win victory at South Bend to even their record at 1-1. Perhaps a bigger story still was emergence of freshman tailback Darius Walker, who rushed for 115 yards and two touchdowns in the winning effort.

*****

Sports Amnesia College Football Poll

1. Oklahoma (2-0) defeated Houston, 63-13 to remain at one.
2. Florida State (0-1) lost to Miami, 16-10
3. UVA (2-0) defeated North Carolina, 56-24.
4. USC (2-0) defeated Colorado State, 49-0.
5. Georgia (2-0) beat South Carolina, 20-16.
6. California (1-0) game postponed due to Hurricane Ivan.
7. Michigan (1-1) to our great relief, lost to Notre Dame, 20-16.
8. Texas (2-0) defeated Arkansas 22-20.
9. Miami (1-0) defeated #2 Florida State 16-10.
10. Purdue (2-0) defeated Ball State 59-7.
10. Minnesota (2-0) defeated Illinois State 37-21.

New standings:

1. Oklahoma (2-0)
2. UVA (2-0)
3. USC (2-0)
4. Georgia (2-0)
5. Miami (1-0)
6. California (1-0)
7. Texas (2-0)
8. Purdue (2-0)
9. Minnesota (2-0)
10.Florida State (0-1)

"All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. --George Orwell, from Animal Farm

First Annual Sports Amnesia College Football Top Ten Poll

In the spirit of uselessness and random arbitration of team talent, Sports Amnesia hereby unleashes its first NCAA Football Top Ten Poll of the season.

1. Oklahoma (1-0) defeated Bowling Green 40-24
2. Florida State (0-0) washed out by hurricane (not a good sign against Miami)
3. UVA (1-0) defeated Temple 44-14
4. USC (1-0) defeated VA Tech 24-13
5. Georgia (1-0) defeated GA Southern 48-28
6. California (1-0) defeated Air Force 56-14
7. Michigan (1-0) defeated Miami OH 41-10
8. Texas (1-0) defeated North Texas 65-0
9. Miami (0-0) washed out by Hurricane (fitting for the Hurricanes)
10. Purdue (1-0) defeated Syracuse 51-0
10. Minnesota (1-0) defeated Toledo 63-21

Rules are: you don't go down if you don't lose. If everyone stays undefeated, everyone keeps their place. Their is no such thing as an unimpressive victory, just as their is no such thing as an impressive loss - the both count for one digit in the win or loss column and comparing apples and oranges and team schedule strength, etc., is a load of rubbish that Sports Amnesia will not consider in its poll.

*****

Now that the massive idiot Kevin Brown has broken his left hand, it leads you to think perhaps the Yankees are better off without him in the postseason. After all, if you look at the following numbers from July to the present, you get the following:

1. Kevin Brown 3-3, 7GS, 45.6 IP, 42H, 18ER, 15BB, 32K 3.55 ERA
2. El Duque 6-0, 10 GS, 58.1 IP, 48H, 17ER, 25BB, 62K, 2.62 ERA
3. J Lieber 5-3, 11 GS, 74 IP, 83H, 32ER, 12BB, 47K, 3.89 ERA

El Duque is flat out pitching better than Kevin Brown and Lieber eats more innings just as effectively, giving the bullpen a break. Either is more valuable to the Yankees rotation than Kevin Brown.

*****

Sidney Ponson of the Orioles, 0-6 with a 6.46 ERA in June that dropped him to 3-11 on the season.
Sidney Ponson of the Orioles, 6-2 since, with 10 GS, 66.2 IP, 77 H, 35 ER, 23 BB, 43K - now a pitcher rather than a power pitcher. If he'd have been this consistent all season, the O's might have had themselves a slightly more interesting season.

*****

I'm rooting for the Mets' losing streak to keep working wonders for the Anti-Art movement. The way I see it, the more humiliated the Mets are, the more likely the Idiot Collective is to disregard whatever $5 million payout for Howe, fire him, and then, well, we'll have to see, perhaps hire the RIGHT manager this time.

Redefining The Parameters of Mediocrity
"Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless." - Thomas Edison

It's clear that Thomas Edison never had the pleasure of rooting for the New York Mets.

Probably Forgotten, But Not Gone
"In heaven all the interesting people are missing." --Friedrich Nietzsche

Yes, yes. Sandwiched between holidays were the few vital seconds Sports Amnesia had to cobble together a coherent column but sadly, despite your pleas for more words, the lad(s) at Sports Amnesia have been unable to jot together more than a few thoughts on the events of the last month or so. We apologise for the inconvenience this may be causing to your regular reading habits and promise a more comprehensive examination of all things sport-like in the very near future.

If that isn't good enough, you can tell we've been busy catching up at the Fire Art Howe Already! site of late. Nothing like a good crusade, but frankly, Art Howe seems to be doing a good enough job all by his lonesome of getting himself fired and if there is any shred of sanity left in the Mets Idiot Collective, soon we will have the joy of speculating whose turn it will be to replace Art Howe in the annals of loserdom. By the way Mr Wilpon, great move that, firing Bobby Valentine, wasn't it? Jackass.

And yes, anyone who has listened to Art Howe winge on about oh the horrors of all the injuries the Mets have suffered (as though someone like the Cubs, with more injuries and a more talented manager can attest to), it is indeed true, the Mets have a minor cast of perpetually injured players that Sports Amnesia would love to see sent packing this winter. Mike (I'm Nothing But A DH In A Catcher's Body) Piazza, the man who has brought unprecedented mediocrity to not just one, but two positions this season. Hamstring phenom, Jose Reyes who continues to tantalise us with his unfulfilled potential and his amazing ability to hurt himself. Mike Cameron and Cliff Floyd.

Those were the original four cast members but then, the Mets Idiot Collective went out and acquired some more Band Aids - Pirates pitcher Kris Benson whose history dictates that pitching more than 15 games a season will cause season-ending injuries - and who is up for a fat free agent contract which I'm sure some idiot like Wilpon or GM Jim (Wanna See My Lobotomy Scars?) Duquette will now re-sign for some absurd amount of money just so there's another contract to eat a year or so down the road. And in addition to Benson, the Mets then went out and got Tampa Bay pitcher, Victor Zambrano, who by all accounts was ALREADY injured before the Mets even traded for him! (Which must register somewhere high on the Idiot Scale, even for Mets management).

Suffice it to say that all we need is a career-ending injury to new phenom 3B David Wright and Art Howe re-signed to like, a ten year extension to seal the casket on the Mets for another generation. Well done, lads.

*****

Gentlemen, Start Your Mr Octobers

So now that the Mets are long gone out of the picture, there isn't much left to root for but the inevitable Yankees flame-out followed by the mass hysteria of Yankees and Red Sox fans when neither of their teams makes it to the World Series. Oh, boohoo.

Sports Amnesia, with a rather dodgy history of baseball premonition, (in case you were wondering or somehow managed to forget, we had the unenviable task of selecting a Montreal Expos-Chicago White Sox World Series, just to be the first kids on the block to pick 'em), has decided that the early returns are in and the World Series, with the hindsight of the 130 some odd games played to date, will be played between the Anaheim Angels and the St Louis Cardinals.

This, we hope, will prove to be the ultimate jinx, setting both teams out early on. You see, with the Mets gone, with a hatred glued to the Yankees and Red Sox because of their annoyingly overreactionary fans, with disgust for the Anaheim Angels, never having forgiven them for winning the World Series whilst still being owned by the repulsive Disney Corporation, with nothing but derision for the Cardinals and their stupid over-manager, Tony LaRussa, a perpetual hatred of the Atlanta Braves for all those years humiliating the Mets, we've only got a handful of teams out there to root for in this postseason to even make it worth listening to or even bearable.

What I'd LIKE to see is for the Red Sox to overtake the Yankees for first place in the AL East (only 4 1/2 down with 6 head-to-head games to go against them), then for the A's to win the AL West and the Texas Rangers to gain the Wildcard thereby knocking out the Yankees and sending Steinbrenner into such hysterics he has an aneurysm and drops dead. Then I'd like to see the Twins play the Red Sox in the ALCS just to wind up the Red Sox fans even more so that when they think they've got the ALCS in hand, the Twins win anyway, demoralising the Red Sox fans yet again, sending their hysterical hordes drowning into the Charles River, permanently silencing them. Because really, what have these prats got to whinge about anyway? Imagine being a Mets fan!

And just to rub it into the Red Sox even more, let's see the Cubs make it to the World Series against the Twins and Win It All just so Boston is the last of the great, hysterically jinxed losers.

Now that would be a postseason to remember.

And whilst we've got our prognostication hat on, mark it down, in one of the few comments I may make about NCAA football this year other than to bemoan the idiocy of the current system used for naming the national champions, Oklahoma will win the National Championship and Jason White will become the first repeat Heisman Trophy winner ever since Archie Griffin of Ohio State.

*****

Odds and Ends:

When I last looked at the stats a few days ago, poor Wiggy Wigginton, he of former Met fame and one of the sad sacks traded to Pittsburgh in the damnable Kris Benson trade, is hitting .178 for the Pirates ever since. Maybe there's hope yet that a likeable, gutsy and all-around nice guy player with a little bit of hardshell talent like Wigginton might return someday to the arms of the Mets, and if so, probably on the waiver wire.

As for Kazmir, the supermensch pitcher of diminutive frame whom the Mets traded for an injured Tampa Bay pitcher and who later shut out the Mariners but was later slammed by the A's:

The jury is still out of course. It's just a pity that at the beginning of this season, Alfonso Soriano could have been had from the Rangers for Kazmir and Hammy Reyes and both of them were, (hold on to your bellies for this one sportsfans) UNTOUCHABLE --

Now, a few months later, Kazmir has been touched and is pitching in Tampa while Reyes is whingeing away somewhere wrapping his shredded hammies and broken bones and pulled muscles in some sort of exclusive permanent rehab in neverneverland.

Nice one.

Lastly, I know it's befuddling that Art Howe is still "managing" the Mets but no one really thought the Mets ever had a chance anyway so being one of the worst teams in baseball isn't all that surprising for us. What IS surprising perhaps, and imagine yourself a poor Phillies phan, is that Larry Bowa is still managing the Philadelphia Phillies despite their catastrophic meltdown and inexpliqable failure to merit even a pennant race or a wild card chase out of their millions of dollars of new faces. Larry Bowa is a magician. How he has escaped firing to date is simply magical.

Just so those who have craved REAL football for the last few weeks into this English Premiership season have a bone to chew on, it's well known by now, that like the Yankees in MLB, the Manchester United Reds always get their man. This time, it is Euro 2004 phenom, Wayne Rooney snatched from the arms of the lesseroffs and kidnapped for a life of fame and championships.

And on a sadder note, Newcastle United, my formerly favourite team, whom I have abandoned since the signing of my least favourite Dutch player of All-Time, the most lacksidaisical and apathetic international player I've ever witnessed, Patrick Kluivert -- have sacked their manager Bobby Robson after a poor start.

No word yet on who will replace him but happy trails to the 71 year old Newcastle lifer, Mr Robson, whose tirelessly boorish narrating during his television commentating during the Euro 2004 led me to think he'd already reached and surpassed sinility.

Well sportsfans, time constraints and a heavy schedule do not permit further ranting today so have a look through the links on this page for a look at infinately more coherent reviews of the sports world around us.

Time To Trade Piazza

Franco My Eye! Get Us Some Relief!
"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." --Mark Twain

This one was like watching some B movie horror flick where every killing is choreographed and the birds scream too much and too shrilly...

I'd just gotten home from the gym, got online and lo and behold, just in time to listen to the internet broadcast of the Mets 1-1 tie against the Expos in the 8th, in comes the 800 year old Johnny Franco, Mr Trouble himself.

I even played a little game with myself while the beef and the Rendang sauce were cooking: could I run downstairs, check the pan and run back upstairs before Franco had blown the game?

The answer, sadly, was no.

Franco, who is 0-2 with a 16.92 ERA in five games on the homestand, bleeeeeew it again, this time by surrendering a tiebreaking, two-run homer to Tony Batista with two outs in the eighth inning and even more demoralising, blowing YET ANOTHER sterling performance by Tom Glavine.

Glavine twirled a seven-inning, one-run, five-hit gem all for naught yet again, as Franco proved yet again the only thing he is the set-up man is for the fall guy. Glavine must love pitching for the Mets. Despite a 2.60 ERA, since June 13, he has gone seven straight starts without a win, including yesterday's bullpen blow-up against the Expos at Shea Stadium. Since the one-hitter Glavine threw May 23 against Colorado, he's won once and lost five in a row for the first time as a professional ballplayer.

The Mets are now officially losing their grip on postseason reality, incapable of sustaining even the level of mediocrity required to remain in something as undemanding as the NL East race. On a homestand of all places, they are 3-5, which they conclude with a three game series against the Atlanta Braves.

Lost in all the hoopla even was Mr Future of the World, David Wright getting his first two hits in the majors.

I would mention who the starting pitchers for tonight's match against the Braves will be but really, what's the point? Unless the Mets starter has got a complete game shutout up his sleeve, things ain't looking so good.

By the way, the most interesting aspect of the David Wright-finally-getting-his-callup story is how he arrived in New York. The story goes that he flew to NYC on a prop plane so small that he had to switch seats to balance his weight.

*****

So, did you hear the one about Tagg Bozied? (which, incidentally, is one of the better baseball names in AAA)

After hitting a grand slam to win the game for his AAA Portland teammates, he jumped high to land on the homeplate, joining his mates in celebration, and ruptured the patellar tendon in his left knee in doing so. Now he needs surgery and will be out at least six months.

Hmmm.

"It was real scary," Bozied told The Associated Press. "I saw my kneecap pushed up into my quadriceps. I thought my career was over.

And just in time.

Tagg had been named the P.C.L.'s batter of the week, and he had driven in 13 runs in the five games since the Class AAA All-Star Game break. Despite missing six weeks with a hamstring injury, he had 16 homers and 58 runs batted in and was batting .315 with 29 strikeouts in 213 at-bats.

Hmmm. Let that be a lesson at home for all you kids out there. Never jump too hard on homeplate in celebration. The baseball gods will get you.

*****

Speaking of injuries, how funny is it that after months of moaning and indecision and a season's length of deliberation about how to play two second basemen at the same time, the Baltimore Orioles' Jerry Hairston and Brian Roberts, one playing in the outfield, one at second, BOTH get injured in the same inning.

Tells you a little something about how the Orioles' season is going so far.

It the Curse of Angelos, I'm telling you.

*****

Who is Deader, the Dead Sox or the Flubs?

A REALLY exciting baseball season would include both teams clawing back to make pennant races out of their respective divisions.

Otherwise, a chase for the wildcard just doesn't seem as appetising.

Whilst the Cubbies have blown their chances to kick the Cardinals down and their series against each other is over for the season, the Red Sox still have their chances and open against the Yankees tonight.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"That has nothing to do with basketball. That's just because I'm sexy."

-- SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, explaining why he has been embraced by fans in Miami

Pull The Trigger Already, Any Trigger
"A coward turns away, but a brave man's choice is danger." --Euripides

The Sunday Morning One Man Roundtable

"A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor." -- Victor Hugo

Art, Art, Blew A Fart And Blew The Whole Machine Apart
 
In case any of you out there were wondering whether or not the Mets being within rodent nose twitching whisker distance of the NL East first place slot, just brush up on your Howe-isms:
 
http://www.firearthowe.blogspot.com/">Fire Art Howe Already!
 
There within are all the excuses, ready made, hand-sewn. 
 
Don't say I didn't warn you.

Cubs-Cards Rivalry, the Lazy Way

CUBS

Batting Statistics
NAME G AB R H 2B 3B HR TB RBI BB SO SB CS BA OBP SLG OPS
Moises Alou 16 63 10 14 3 0 3 26 10 4 7 0 0 .222 .265 .413 .677
C. Patterson 16 61 6 19 1 0 2 26 7 5 8 0 0 .311 .358 .426 .784
Todd Walker 14 57 9 16 1 0 4 29 7 2 7 0 1 .281 .317 .509 .825
Derrek Lee 16 57 10 25 10 0 4 47 14 9 10 1 0 .439 .515 .825 1.340
A. Ramirez 14 56 12 22 4 0 2 32 12 3 8 0 0 .393 .424 .571 .995
M. Barrett 14 50 6 14 3 0 2 23 5 5 5 0 1 .280 .357 .460 .817
Sammy Sosa 9 33 6 11 2 0 2 19 4 5 8 0 0 .333 .421 .576 .997
R. Martinez 12 33 2 8 4 0 0 12 6 2 5 0 0 .242 .270 .364 .634
T. Hollandsworth 9 21 6 8 2 0 1 13 5 3 0 0 0 .381 .458 .619 1.077
A. Gonzalez 4 16 0 5 2 0 0 7 1 0 1 0 1 .313 .313 .438 .750
Jose Macias 9 15 1 3 1 0 0 4 0 1 5 0 1 .200 .250 .267 .517
Matt Clement 5 12 0 1 1 0 0 2 0 0 5 0 0 .083 .083 .167 .250
M. Grudzielanek 4 11 1 2 0 0 0 2 0 0 2 0 1 .182 .182 .182 .364
Rey Ordonez 6 11 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 0 2 0 0 .091 .091 .091 .182
Paul Bako 4 11 0 1 1 0 0 2 0 0 4 0 0 .091 .091 .182 .273
Tom Goodwin 5 8 1 2 0 0 0 2 0 0 1 1 0 .250 .250 .250 .500
Glendon Rusch 5 8 1 1 0 0 1 4 1 0 2 0 0 .125 .125 .500 .625
Greg Maddux 3 7 2 2 0 0 0 2 0 0 1 1 0 .286 .286 .286 .571
C. Zambrano 2 6 1 1 0 0 0 1 0 0 1 0 0 .167 .167 .167 .333
Jason Dubois 3 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 2 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
B. Harris 1 3 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 1 0 0 0 .333 .500 .333 .833
Kerry Wood 1 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
David Kelton 3 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
Sergio Mitre 1 2 0 1 1 0 0 2 0 0 1 0 0 .500 .500 1.000 1.500
D. Jackson (9 KC) 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
Kent Mercker 6 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
M. Remlinger 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
L. Hawkins 7 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
Joe Borowski 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
K. Farnsworth 9 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
J. Anderson (1 Bos) 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
Mark Prior 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
F. Beltran 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
T. Wellemeyer 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
Jon Leicester 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
M. Wuertz 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
NAME G AB R H 2B 3B HR TB RBI BB SO SB CS BA OBP SLG OPS
Cubs 16 549 74 158 36 0 21 257 72 40 87 3 5 .288 .336 .468 .804
Opponents 16 519 72 124 26 2 22 220 69 45 123 11 4 .239 .296 .424 .719

Pitching Statistics
NAME G GS W L Sv Hld IP H ER HR BB SO K/9 P/GS WHIP ERA
T. Wellemeyer 9 0 0 0 0 0 13.0 8 3 0 12 12 8.31 0.0 1.54 2.08
Kent Mercker 36 0 1 0 0 6 25.2 21 7 2 15 25 8.77 0.0 1.40 2.45
C. Zambrano 17 17 9 4 0 0 114.0 92 33 9 47 104 8.21 109.9 1.22 2.61
Jon Leicester 8 0 2 0 0 0 13.2 9 4 3 2 10 6.59 0.0 0.80 2.63
L. Hawkins 43 0 2 1 11 4 47.1 38 14 6 7 34 6.46 0.0 0.95 2.66
Kerry Wood 7 7 4 3 0 0 49.2 34 15 6 16 57 10.33 100.9 1.01 2.72
Matt Clement 18 18 7 8 0 0 117.1 94 38 10 45 123 9.43 104.6 1.18 2.91
K. Farnsworth 44 0 3 3 0 11 40.1 32 15 4 20 46 10.26 0.0 1.29 3.35
F. Beltran 31 0 2 1 0 5 34.1 25 15 8 19 40 10.49 0.0 1.28 3.93
Mark Prior 7 7 2 2 0 0 36.0 29 16 3 16 40 10.00 90.3 1.25 4.00
Glendon Rusch 14 10 4 1 0 0 71.0 73 32 7 15 48 6.08 102.9 1.24 4.06
Greg Maddux 18 18 7 7 0 0 111.2 129 56 20 18 77 6.21 87.2 1.32 4.51
J. Anderson (2 Bos) 7 0 0 0 1 0 9.2 9 5 0 3 3 2.79 0.0 1.24 4.66
M. Remlinger 13 0 0 1 0 5 8.2 8 5 1 6 9 9.35 0.0 1.62 5.19
Sergio Mitre 9 9 2 4 0 0 47.0 66 34 6 19 33 6.32 85.1 1.81 6.51
M. Wuertz 20 0 0 0 1 1 17.1 19 13 4 10 12 6.23 0.0 1.67 6.75
Joe Borowski 22 0 2 4 9 0 21.1 27 19 3 15 17 7.17 0.0 1.97 8.02
Andy Pratt 4 0 0 1 0 0 1.2 0 4 0 7 1 5.40 0.0 4.20 21.60
NAME G GS W L Sv Hld IP H ER HR BB SO K/9 P/GS WHIP ERA
Cubs 86 86 47 40 22 32 779.2 713 328 92 292 691 7.98 98.3 1.29 3.79

BOLD: Qualified for ERA title (1 inning pitched per team game)
Number in parentheses refers to games played with other teams.

*****

CARDINALS

Batting Statistics
NAME G AB R H 2B 3B HR TB RBI BB SO SB CS BA OBP SLG OPS
Tony Womack 14 56 12 23 7 0 1 33 8 4 7 2 0 .411 .435 .589 1.025
Scott Rolen 16 55 8 15 3 0 4 30 10 6 7 1 0 .273 .349 .545 .895
E. Renteria 13 50 6 12 4 0 2 22 7 2 7 2 0 .240 .269 .440 .709
Jim Edmonds 15 47 9 12 2 0 6 32 11 9 19 0 1 .255 .368 .681 1.049
R. Sanders 14 45 4 9 1 0 2 16 3 4 17 2 1 .200 .265 .356 .621
Albert Pujols 12 42 11 10 1 0 5 26 9 5 5 0 1 .238 .327 .619 .946
Ray Lankford 15 39 5 12 2 1 1 19 8 4 9 1 0 .308 .370 .487 .857
Mike Matheny 11 30 2 4 2 0 0 6 3 2 9 0 0 .133 .182 .200 .382
Hector Luna 8 20 5 3 2 0 0 5 4 0 7 0 0 .150 .143 .250 .393
Yadier Molina 6 20 1 4 1 0 0 5 0 2 4 0 1 .200 .273 .250 .523
John Mabry 7 19 3 5 0 0 1 8 3 2 7 0 0 .263 .333 .421 .754
M. Anderson 10 18 1 2 1 0 0 3 0 1 3 0 0 .111 .158 .167 .325
So Taguchi 11 16 5 5 0 1 0 7 2 2 1 1 0 .313 .389 .438 .826
Roger Cedeno 7 14 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 1 2 1 0 .071 .133 .071 .205
C. Carpenter 3 9 0 3 0 0 0 3 1 0 3 0 0 .333 .333 .333 .667
Jason Marquis 3 8 0 2 0 0 0 2 0 0 2 1 0 .250 .250 .250 .500
W. Williams 4 7 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 0 3 0 0 .143 .143 .143 .286
Colin Porter 5 7 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 0 3 0 0 .143 .143 .143 .286
Jeff Suppan 3 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
Matt Morris 3 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 4 0 0 .000 .167 .000 .167
Cody McKay 3 4 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
Cal Eldred 7 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
J. Isringhausen 6 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
Danny Haren 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
J. Tavarez 8 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
Steve Kline 6 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
Mike Lincoln 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
Ray King 10 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
Josh Pearce 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
Kiko Calero 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000 .000 .000 .000
NAME G AB R H 2B 3B HR TB RBI BB SO SB CS BA OBP SLG OPS
Cardinals 16 519 72 124 26 2 22 220 69 45 123 11 4 .239 .299 .424 .723
Opponents


Pitching Statistics
NAME G GS W L Sv Hld IP H ER HR BB SO K/9 P/GS WHIP ERA
J. Isringhausen 6 0 1 1 3 0 5.2 3 1 0 1 3 4.76 0.0 0.71 1.59
Ray King 10 0 0 0 0 4 5.1 3 1 0 2 3 5.06 0.0 0.94 1.69
C. Carpenter 3 3 3 0 0 0 22.1 24 6 5 1 19 7.66 522.7 1.12 2.42
J. Tavarez 8 0 0 0 0 2 6.2 4 2 0 3 5 6.75 0.0 1.05 2.70
Jason Marquis 3 3 1 1 0 0 21.2 22 8 4 6 15 6.23 592.3 1.29 3.32
Matt Morris 3 3 1 1 0 0 21.0 21 8 2 6 9 3.86 610.3 1.29 3.43
Cal Eldred 7 0 0 0 0 1 10.0 10 4 4 3 5 4.50 0.0 1.30 3.60
Jeff Suppan 3 3 1 1 0 0 19.0 21 8 2 8 11 5.21 564.7 1.53 3.79
Steve Kline 6 0 2 0 0 1 4.2 5 2 0 0 4 7.71 0.0 1.07 3.86
W. Williams 3 3 0 2 0 0 16.1 28 15 1 4 8 4.41 569.7 1.96 8.27
Kiko Calero 5 0 0 0 0 2 3.0 4 4 1 1 4 12.00 0.0 1.67 12.00
Mike Lincoln 1 0 0 0 0 0 1.1 1 2 1 2 1 6.75 0.0 2.25 13.50
Danny Haren 1 1 0 1 0 0 3.2 10 10 1 3 0 0.00 95.0 3.55 24.55
Josh Pearce 1 0 0 0 0 0 0.1 2 1 0 0 0 0.00 0.0 6.00 27.00
NAME G GS W L Sv Hld IP H ER HR BB SO K/9 P/GS WHIP ERA
Cardinals 16 16 9 7 3 10 141.0 158 72 21 40 87 5.55 542.1 1.40 4.60

All Star Break Standings

AMERICAN LEAGUE

American League East
Team W L Pct. GB Home Road East Cent. West L10 Strk
N.Y. Yankees 55 31 .640 - 33-12 22-19 21-10 8-5 16-8 5-5 W 4
Boston 48 38 .558 7 30-15 18-23 22-13 8-8 9-8 6-4 L 1
Tampa Bay 42 45 .483 13½ 23-18 19-27 14-23 10-9 3-10 3-7 L 4
Toronto 39 49 .443 17 23-23 16-26 9-17 11-14 11-8 5-5 L 3
Baltimore 37 48 .435 17½ 20-26 17-22 15-18 12-10 5-7 4-6 L 1

American League Central
Team W L Pct. GB Home Road East Cent. West L10 Strk
Chi. White Sox 46 38 .548 - 28-17 18-21 14-12 16-8 9-8 5-5 W 4
Minnesota 47 40 .540 ½ 26-22 21-18 8-8 22-19 6-6 6-4 L 3
Cleveland 42 45 .483 5½ 26-20 16-25 10-9 12-19 10-9 4-6 W 1
Detroit 42 45 .483 5½ 21-19 21-26 6-6 17-16 10-14 5-5 W 3
Kansas City 31 54 .365 15½ 19-24 12-30 8-14 14-19 3-9 2-8 W 1

American League West
Team W L Pct. GB Home Road East Cent. West L10 Strk
Texas 49 37 .570 - 25-12 24-25 12-9 11-10 16-10 5-5 W 1
Oakland 47 39 .547 2 27-12 20-27 7-12 15-8 15-11 4-6 L 1
Anaheim 47 40 .540 2½ 23-18 24-22 16-8 11-8 13-13 6-4 W 3
Seattle 32 54 .372 17 19-22 13-32 6-15 9-12 8-18 1-9 L 9


NATIONAL LEAGUE

National League East
Team W L Pct. GB Home Road East Cent. West L10 Strk
Philadelphia 46 41 .529 - 26-22 20-19 17-22 6-6 14-5 5-5 L 2
Atlanta 45 42 .517 1 22-19 23-23 25-14 6-9 6-9 8-2 W 2
Florida 45 43 .511 1½ 24-22 21-21 22-13 7-11 9-8 4-6 W 2
N.Y. Mets 44 43 .506 2 24-16 20-27 16-16 7-14 11-5 6-4 L 2
Montreal 31 56 .356 15 18-27 13-29 10-25 8-11 6-9 5-5 W 2

National League Central
Team W L Pct. GB Home Road East Cent. West L10 Strk
St. Louis 54 33 .621 - 28-18 26-15 10-8 28-23 5-1 8-2 L 1
Chi. Cubs 47 40 .540 7 25-16 22-24 5-1 25-26 9-9 5-5 W 1
Cincinnati 47 41 .534 7½ 25-15 22-26 14-10 21-19 7-5 5-5 W 1
Milwaukee 45 41 .523 8½ 25-20 20-21 8-4 17-21 12-12 4-6 L 1
Houston 44 44 .500 10½ 22-20 22-24 6-6 26-25 5-8 4-6 L 2
Pittsburgh 39 47 .453 14½ 18-22 21-25 8-5 23-26 6-6 6-4 L 2

National League West
Team W L Pct. GB Home Road East Cent. West L10 Strk
Los Angeles 48 38 .558 - 29-17 19-21 6-9 11-8 21-13 8-2 W 2
San Francisco 49 40 .551 ½ 29-20 20-20 8-7 8-7 22-19 5-5 W 3
San Diego 47 41 .534 2 26-21 21-20 10-6 10-8 19-17 6-4 W 1
Colorado 36 51 .414 12½ 20-21 16-30 6-10 7-14 15-17 8-2 L 1
Arizona 31 58 .348 18½ 16-26 15-32 6-14 5-7 14-25 2-8 L 3

Pitchers Galore
"You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun." --Al Capone

Longest Column of the Year
Charles Foster Kane: You know, Mr. Bernstein, if I hadn't been very rich, I might have been a really great man.
Thatcher: Don't you think you are?
Charles Foster Kane: I think I did pretty well under the circumstances.
Thatcher: What would you like to have been?
Charles Foster Kane: Everything you hate.
--Citizen Kane

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try." Homer Simpson

Well, let's see...if the Yankees swept three straight from the Red Sox and the Mets swept three straight from the Yankees...this must mean either:

A.) The Red Sox really suck, alot more than even the Whinge Nation have allowed themselves to believe despite the vitriolic rants and threats of suicide.

B.) That the Mets are the greatest team on earth!

C.) The Yankees are so bored with the idea of no real competition ahead of them in the AL East other than oh, let's say the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, that they just don't care anymore.

D.) So overconfident from the fact that Art Howe was saving Matt Ginter and Jae Seo just for the Yankees in lieu of Glavine and Leiter, the Yankees fielded their hologram team instead of the actual one.

Oh, what to make of this quixotic sweep of the Mighty Yankees? Is this one of those moments where fate has lifted her skirt hem in a moment of playful flirtation, or just another slap in the face to Red Sox fans?

What to make of Ty Wigginton, nearly entirely submerged in trade rumour and innuendo for the last several weeks, sparking to life with two homers in one afternoon, three in two days even, six for twelve against the Yankees, hitting .391 with 4 homers in the last seven games? Is this man to be mere trade bait?

Granted, with sixteen errors already, Wigginton won't be confused with Brooks Robinson at the hot corner and his range sucks and yes, for the trillionth time we've heard: psst, the third baseman phenom of the future, David Wright is on the way but there must be something better to do with him than trade him away for the likes of some Mets retread like Paul Wilson or a humpty dumpty head case like Kris Benson. His trade value probably won't be higher than it is right but to dump him just when he's getting warmed up and comfortable would be a mistake. After all, with the Kaz Man fielding at shortstop like he's chasing hotdog wrappers on a windy day and the Human Hammy and his infinitely potential injured yet again (well it isn't officially "injured" he just "felt a twinge" in his right hamstring Saturday afternoon while running out a grounder, but what the hell, Reyes feeling a twinge is like animals starting to act weird before an earthquake - you're not sure what it means but it can't be good), there's no telling where a solid hitting infielder like Wigginton might fit in the Mets' future. So let's not jump the gun.

By the way, if I hear one more breathless reference by one of these infatuated somnabulists to Jose Reyes' infectious smile as though he runs with his teeth instead of his perpetually twitchy hammy, I'll perform my own frontal labotomy with a corkscrew just to get rid of the memories. I don't care if his teeth are made of gold and his lips are bleed magical peyote, this kid is an injury machine, a human disappointment waiting to happen and the best thing the Mets could possibly do would be to trade him now, as they probably should have this Spring, in a package deal for say Alfonso Soriano, before the rest of the league finally wises up as to what a hopeless future he really has.

And if the Mets really could get someone like Benson for Wigginton, what are they really getting anyway? As though he can smell, with his twitching whiskers, an escape from Pittsburgh in the air, Benson has a 3.19 ERA in his last six starts with 12 walks and 26 strikeouts over 42 1/3 innings. Perhaps worth a Wigginton. Especially when you consider all the fireworks he'd be bringing with him. Like his wife, Anna Benson. It appears he and his wife have been pretty explicit and candid in the past about their sex life. I reckon it wouldn't be unfathonable to see a few saucy pictures of this Anna Benson splayed across the Daily News or the NY Post sometime soon.

*****

I happened to read this mention of the similarities between this season's Tigers and last season's Marlins:

The 2003 World Series champion Marlins were a lot like this year's
Tigers. After 75 games ...

2004 Tigers: 36-39, fourth place in the AL Central.

2003 Marlins: 36-39, fourth place in the NL East.

2004 Tigers: Won their 75th game in the 11th inning on a home run.

2003 Marlins: Won their 75th game in the 11th inning on a home run.

2004 Tigers: Had Rodriguez catching and Ugueth Urbina closing.

2003 Marlins: Had Rodriguez catching. Urbina came 11 days later in a
trade from Texas.

Spooky. Now all the Tigers have to do is fire Alan Trammel and hire Red Schoendienst to bring his own peculiar brand of senior discipline to the clubhouse...

*****

Here's one that gives me great pleasure: Roberto Alomar, whingeing malcontent extraordinaire, says he's willing to be a utility infielder for a contender. Oh how the weasels have wobbled! Is this magnamimous of him or what? There must be a team in a pennant race somewhere out there looking for a quitter to play a half-hearted second base, isn't there? After all, who wouldn't want to add a 36 year old has-been switch hitting second baseman who can only hit left handed? It's not that I'm bitter about the effort he gave for the Mets, I just didn't see him in action all that much. This, I believe, was the most active I ever saw him in a Mets uniform, unless you count whining and sulking as official activities. I look forward to the day when Alomar is whittling away the remnants of his career for the Santurce Crabbers somewhere in auld San Juan.

****

A sad story, this break-up of Florida Marlins pitcher Carl Pavano and Alyssa Milano. As to the cause of their demise, Pavano grandly hinted, "I don't think this is the most stable environment to have a relationship. Guys that do it, great -- but I haven't really mastered that part of it." What part of Eva Savealot couldn't he master?

Look, maybe he just got a glimpse of this photo in the mud bikini.

Dying Embers of the Euro 2004

By the time the Greeks had managed to fashion their historic upset, winning a championship they were 80-1 odds against winning, the tournament had become for most of us outside of Portugal and Greece, somewhat anticlimatic. Well, for those of you in America, it was probably little more than a blip on the collective subconscience but over here, when your country is involved, the country comes to a standstill.

There's something about international competition that encompasses so much more than even something as heated as a Yankee-Red Sox rivalry or Dallas-Washington matchup. You might find it's closest relative at the collegiate football level, the pageantry, the songs sung, the music, the flags waved, the chants of tens of thousands of voices in unison sounding like the low growl of tribal man returning to battle. But these competitions have even more than a colourful rivalry such as Michigan-Ohio State because they bring much more culture with them and with that sharing of culture, a vague and transitory acceptance of the differences among us. Especially the differences in the women. Whew! Let's not forget the Russian wives and girlfriends who sent their lads off to battle with inspirational photos of themselves in the nude. Let's not forget the women of all 16 nations, the candidates for Miss Euro 2004!

And most of all, let's not forget the most famous woman of them all, David Beckham, who in between painting nail varnish on his fingernails, wearing a sarong, posing seductively for the covers of women's magazines and acting more like a sexually twisted nancy boy than the captain of the English football team, single-handedly choked not once, but twice, on simple penalty kicks and in the end, ultimately cost England a chance at real redemption in this tournament.

Does Anyone Want the NL East?
"Appetite, with an opinion of attaining, is called hope; the same, without such opinion, despair." --Thomas Hobbes

Being a pragmatist more than a dreamer, at least where the New York Mets are concerned, it would have been quite a stretch, even with the several second tier offseason acquisitions the Mets made, to imagine them in a pennant race this year. Maybe 2005, maybe 2006, but 2004, with the defending World Champion Marlins and the unfulfilled potential of the Philadelphia Phillies and the 12 consecutive NL East titles of the Atlanta Braves ahead of them, winning the NL East seemed frankly, out of the question.

Yet although the Mets have surprised few by continuing to maintain one of the most torpid batting lineups in the entirety of Major League Baseball, (ahead of only the fainéant batsmen of the Montreal Expos), and although they are tied with the lowly KC Royals and the Detroit Tigers for the worst fielding percentage in all of baseball, (leading the Major League in errors with 71 in 79 games thus far), and have had virtually nothing from the Kaz Man or Reyes the Human Hammy, these same Mets have beaten the Yankees two in a row and now stand a mere two games behind the Phillies, tied with the Marlins and here it is, July 4th already. Hell, last season at this time the Mets were hopelessly mired in the dregs of a moribund season and wondering what and who they could dump faster, the $11.75 million contract of Jeremy Burnitz, or the choker-a-go-go closer, Armando Benitez. For the record, it isn't just the Mets who have improved. Armandogeddon is 2-0 with a 1.11 ERA and has converted 26 of 28 saves possibilities for the Marlins and Burnitz now scraping along on a salary of only $1.25 million, is hitting .280 with 16 homers and 50 rbis in the rarified air of Blake Street for the Rockies. But unlike Armandogeddon, he is not really experiencing a renaissance. Away from the friendly confines of Coors Stadium, Burnitz is hitting a more Burnitz-like .223 with 6 homers and a mere 16 rbis.

Even with what could charitably be called a weak back end of their rotation and a questionable set-up to their closer, the Mets have the best ERA in all of baseball. Yet despite an impressive front 3 in their rotation and a heart-stopping closer, how and why they are still in the race for the NL East cannot precisely be explained by anything in particular the Mets have done, other than not flounder horrifically like their counterparts in Montreal. Instead, it is the collective mediocrity of the Marlins, Phillies and Braves that have them where they are.

This just may very well change quickly over the next 30 days.

The Marlins will play 17 of their next 23 games (after today's last interleague struggle against the unbelievable Devil Rays) against NL East opponents, whom they currently sport a .625 winning percentage against and those other 6 games will be against the Pittsburgh Pirates so there is the chance that the Marlins will begin their move toward securing the NL East very soon.

The Phillies, like the Mets, immensely handicapped by the mediocrity of their manager, will face NL East opponents 19 out of their next 22 games after they close out against the Orioles today and the only non-NL East opponent will be the Chicago Cubs. The Phillies are currently being mugged by their own division, the only team of the four to have a losing record (14-18) against their NL East opponents. July just might be the month we finally see the last vestiges of Larry Bowa swept away as the Phillies perform a quick fade.

The Braves have a little less interdivision pressure. After this last game against the Red Sox today, they will face NL East opponents 18 out of their next 24 games and those 6 outside the division will be against the Pittsburgh Pirates. The Braves are 20-13 in the NL East thus far and like the Marlins, stand a good chance of widening the disparity between the running and the also-rans.

And the Mets, 13-12 against NL East opponents, will face nothing but NL East opponents until August 3rd. This will indeed, be the telling month for the NL East and it looks from here like that the Marlins and the Braves will begin to pull away as we head into August. Of course, the only certainty is that the wildcard will not come out of this division and someone, no matter how bad they are collectively, will have to win the NL East eventually. If you have a very vivid imagination, you could imagine that the Human Hammy not only stays healthy, but begins to hit once again, that third base phenom David Wright gets his call-up and injects more fuel in the Mets batting tank, and that the Mets are able to get a fourth or fifth starter to add to the back end of the rotation. This would put them on par with their rivals but with the month of July needing that sort of inject now, not later, the chances of it happening whilst it still matters, remains slim.

Shortstops

Some four months since the fateful trade that saw A-Rod and the Yankees snatching defeat from Boston's gaping yawp of certain victory, the contrast between last season's three top shortstops couldn't be more pronounced.

First you have arguably the best shortstop in baseball, A-Rod, not only learning a new position at third base, but making one of what should be many starts as an All Star third baseman in the future with nearly triple the amount of votes of last year's All Star MVP, Hank Blalock. Fortunately for the Red Sox, he is hitting only .225 against them whilst against the other four top competitors in the AL he's played against to date; Anaheim, Chicago White Sox, Texas and Oakland, he's hitting .309 with 6 homers and 16 rbis.

Then you have Derek Jeter performing baseball's play of the year Thursday night against the Red Sox when he nabbed Trot Nixon's popup at a full sprint before hurtling headfirst into the metal and hard plastic lower box seats of the stands and emerging bloodied and wounded in the 12th inning before New York then rallied past Boston 5-4 in the 13th for a stirring sweep. More amazingly, he was able to play the next day against the Mets.

And finally you have Garciaparra, who, after three errors in the first two games against the Yankees already, finally gave up and sat out the game on Thursday. Fair play, the guy's coming off an Achilles injury, he played in the first two games and didn't really help much. But at the end of the game, in a massive contrast to captain Jeter's contributions, while all his teammates climbed to the top step to witness the epic battle, there sat Garciaparra in the dugout as though he couldn't care less what happened to his team.

Garciaparra's perceived apathy was somewhat reminiscent of Holland's Edgar Davids standing idly by in the goal mouth during Portugal's opening goal in their 2-1 victory over Holland last Wednesday. Slow motion replays revealed that Edgar Davids, patrolling the near post of the orange goal as the fateful corner flew over, was not exactly alert. The Dutchman stood with one hand on his hip as if surveying events from the bar of his local pub.

"Look, he's having a kip," suggested BBC sports analyst Alan Hansen at the half.

In any case, a half dozen months after he was almost traded, you've got people clamouring yet again that Garciaparra be traded immediately. Although it is frightening that the Red Sox are already 7 1/2 games behind the Yankees, perhaps more frightening still is that Lou Piniella's Tampa Bay Devil Rays are only 2 1/2 games behind the Red Sox for second place.

On the other hand, despite three All Star shortstops in the American League, the National League has the tightest shortstop vote in history with St. Louis shortstop Edgar Renteria leading Houston's Adam Everett by a mere six votes after nearly four million votes (3,910,897) cast.

Patriots and Baseball

In a paen to blinding patriotism, the Minnesota Twins announced they will present Duke, "the calm and determined battlefield commander of the G.I. Joe team," to the first 5,000 children at Monday night's game against the Kansas City Royals as a way of honoring local military personnel, becoming the first team in baseball to promote war to children, hand in hand with baseball.

Lest you think the Twins organisation to be a heartless collective of war-mongering swine promoting war to small children, it should be noted the team asked Duke's maker, Hasbro Inc., to remove the customary gun from his side, bringing him in accordance with the Metrodome's no-gun policy. Hoho, haha. As though GI Duke's gun would actually fire real bullets. Apparently, the kids should not only embrace soldiers of war but believe they're dumb enough to think these heroes go off into battle unarmed. Oh wait, it should be noted that perhaps in an effort to promote reality, the hand grenades of the GI doll are still visible.

Now, it's important to remember that this noble gesture has nothing to do with dragging extra kids to the ballpark to boost attendance, nor does it have anything to do with promoting the imagery of war and killing. No sir. "I was looking for something unique that would pay tribute to Minnesota soldiers," Twins marketing vice president Patrick Klinger said. "I thought G.I. Joe was perfect for that."

To be fair, there doesn't appear to many people the Twins aren't willing to promote in order to induce ticket sales. Among others, the Twins also celebrate Fan Appreciation Day, Kid Appreciation Day, Hispanic-American Heritage Night, Asian-American Heritage Night, African-American Heritage Night, and Spider Man 2 Night. Unfortunately, there doesn't appear to be any similiar giveaways and celebrations for teachers, policemen, firemen, civic volunteers. What sort of message does that send to the kiddies of Minnesota?

A slightly different and wholly more acceptable form of celebrating his citizenship, Boston Red Sox closer Keith Foulke wanted to don a Boston cap that featured a patch of the American flag. This was nixed by Bud Selig for fear that allowing such an alteration would tragically destroy baseball's standard uniform code.

"I agree with and admire the patriotic sentiments expressed in your letter," Selig wrote. "While I cannot imagine anyone having an objection to our American flag on a player's hat, we feel it is crucial that we maintain this across-the-board policy.

"Unfortunately, if we allow one player to add the flag, our ability" to enforce the rule will be diminished, he added.

Aha, but if all players wear the flag on their cap, as they will today as part of baseball's Fourth of July celebration, it will magically be ok.

The logic between allowing a franchise to sanction the giveaway of soldier dolls (without their guns) to children in Minnesota yet to disallow a baseball player to wear a little American flag on his cap unless everyone is doing it, is disquieting, to say the least. Here's hoping that the doll is disallowed and that Foulke rebels against the idiocy of Selig's logic and wears the flag-on-cap anyway, even after the 4th of July.

Euro 2004 Final

A tournament like the European Championships tends to whittle you away, match by match as your favourites fall. I came into the tournament routing for Holland, England, the Czechs and the Danes to make it to the final and keep my interest alive. First, in the Ruzyne airport in Prague, with our ears still clogged from the flight, we and about 50 other Brits from the flight watched England go down thanks, in part, to the cowardly, choking Beckham as he sent yet another penalty shot badly off the mark and Portugal advance. Ok, we think. It's sad, but not the end of the world. My other three teams are still in it. Of course, two of them were facing each other in the quarterfinals, but that guaranteed at least one of my teams making it into the semifinals. Greece defeated France, both a miracle and a blessing to see the French go down. Not bad: when you've got no team you are rooting for in particular you hope for a team you hate to go out and there it was, adieu mes amis. Then Holland managed to knock out Sweden in penalties to advance and the Czechs demolished the Danes, 3-0 in a match we watched with thousands of fanatics in the heart of Staromìstské námìstí. So far so good. From here we could see the possibility of a rematch of the best match of the tournament so far, Holland versus the Czechs, in the final.

But disaster came in full this week as first the Dutch reverted back to their familiar apathetic and lethargic performances of the past to lose 2-1 to host Portugal followed by the Greeks inexplicably defeating the Czechs 1-0 with mere seconds remaining in the first overtime.

So what we've got now is what you might call outside of Portugal and Greece, a bullshit final, a rematch of the bland and pathetic opening match of the tournament which the Greeks won 2-1, owed more to the Portugese choking before their own fans than to any stylist nuance on the part of the Greeks. On the one hand, you want to admire the Greeks and their German manager for overcoming all odds to get to the finals. Yes, I did have them in an upset making it to the quarterfinals but frankly, I never expected them to beat France and well, losing to the Czechs I thought was a foregone conclusion. The Greeks play an inspiring, yet ugly brand of football which is frequently interspersed with painful displays of overacting and drama as they dive for penalties, feign injury and generally play in a form most would criticise as being the type of form that gives football a bad name.

With little else to go by and fighting apathy, I will root for the Portugese, since they defeated both the Dutch and the English, to finally vanquish the pretenders by a 2-1 margin and disallow any chance of the Greeks celebrating straight on into their disasterous Olympics.

Conspiracy Theories?

The only way Italy could defeat Bulgaria last night and still fail to go through to the next round, would have been if Sweden and Denmark drew by a 2-2 margin or higher.

In the dying moments of Italy's match, Antonio Cassano's goal in stoppage time gave Italy its first victory of the tournament, 2-1 over Bulgaria only to find out that the Denmark-Sweden match had just ended, you guessed it, a 2-2 draw.

Surprisingly, the headlines of il Gazzetta wasn't filled with accusatory headlines, merely the shoulder shrugging acceptance of defeat: Vinciamo ma Usciamo, we win, but we exit. Appropriately enough. They are probably painfully aware of the fact they'd barely even beaten Bulgaria and didn't really deserver to advance in any case.

Thus, Danmark videre efter EM-drama behind national hero Jon Dahl Tomasson (cool photo of Tomasson celebrating in the rain), and Vilken rysare! as the Larsson led Swedes both advance to the quarterfinals.

I samma stund gjorde Italien 2-1.
Konspirationen lever.
Sverige lever.
Danmark lever.


To date:

(nicked off the Swedish paper's site)

Grupp A M V O F Mål +/- Poäng
Portugal 3 2 0 1 4-2 +2 6
Grekland 3 1 1 1 4-4 0 4
Spanien 3 1 1 1 2-2 0 4
Ryssland 3 1 0 2 2-4 -2 3

Spelade matcher:
12/6: Portugal-Grekland 1-2 (0–1)
12/6: Spanien-Ryssland 1-0 (0–0)
16/6: Grekland-Spanien 1-1 (0–1)
16/6: Ryssland-Portugal 0-2 (0–1)
20/6: Ryssland-Grekland 2-1 (2–1)
20/6: Spanien-Portugal 0-1 (0–0)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Grupp B M V O F Mål +/- Poäng
Frankrike 3 2 1 0 7-4 +3 7
England 3 2 0 1 8-4 +2 6
Kroatien 3 0 2 1 4-6 -2 2
Schweiz 3 0 1 2 1-6 -5 1

Spelade matcher:
13/6: Schweiz-Kroatien 0-0 (0–0)
13/6: Frankrike-England 2-1 (0–1)
17/6: England-Schweiz 3-0 (0–1)
17/6: Kroatien-Frankrike 2-2 (0–1)
21/6: Kroatien-England 2-4 (1–2)
21/6: Schweiz-Frankrike 1-3 (1–1)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Grupp C M V O F Mål +/- Poäng
Sverige 3 1 2 0 8-3 +5 5
Danmark 3 1 2 0 4-2 +2 5
Italien 3 1 2 0 3-2 +1 5
Bulgarien 3 0 0 3 1-9 -7 0

Spelade matcher:
14/6: Danmark-Italien 0-0 (0-0)
14/6: Sverige-Bulgarien 5-0 (1-0)
18/6: Bulgarien-Danmark 0-2 (1-0)
18/6: Italien-Sverige 1-1 (1-0)

Danmark-Sverige 2-2 (1–0)
Målen: 1–0 Jon Dahl Tomasson (28), 1–1 Henrik Larsson (47 str), 2–1 Jon Dahl Tomasson (66), 2–2 Mattias Jonson (89).
Varningar, Sverige: Erik Edman, Kim Källström.
Domare: Markus Merk, Tyskland.
Publik: 26 115.
Italien-Bulgarien 2-1 (0–1)
Målen: 0–1 Martin Petrov (45 str), 1–1 Simone Perrotta (48), 2–1 Antonio Cassano (90).
Varningar, Italien: Marco Materazzi. Bulgarien: Martin Petrov, Valeri Bozjinov, Ilian Stojanov, Zdravko Lazarov.
Domare: Valentin Ivanov, Ryssland.
Publik: 16 002.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Grupp D M V O F Mål +/- Poäng
Tjeckien 2 2 0 0 5-3 +2 6
Tyskland 2 0 2 0 1-1 0 2
Holland 2 0 1 1 3-4 -1 1
Lettland 2 0 1 1 1-2 -1 1

Spelade matcher:
15/6: Tjeckien-Lettland 2-1 (0-1)
15/6 Tyskland-Holland 1-1 (1–0)
19/6: Lettland-Tyskland 0-0 (0–0)
Varningar, Lettland: Aleksandrs Isakovs, Vitalijs Astafjevs. Tyskland: Arne Friedrich, Dietmar Hamann, Torsten Frings.
Domare: Mike Riley, England.
Publik: 22 344.

Holland-Tjeckien 2-3 (2–1)
Målen: 1–0 Wilfred Bouma (4), 2–0 Ruud van Nistelrooy (19), 2–1 Jan Koller (23), 2–2 Milan Baros (71), 2–3 Milan Baros (88).
Varningar, Holland: Clarence Seedorf, Johnny Heitinga. Tjeckien: Tomas Galasek.
Utv, Holland: Johnny Heitinga (75).
Domare: Manuel Enrique Mejuto, Spanien.
Publik: 31 498.

Kommande matcher:
23/6: Holland-Lettland
23/6: Tyskland-Tjeckien

Skytteligan
4 mål
Wayne Rooney, England.
3 mål
Henrik Larsson, Sverige
Zinedine Zidane, Frankrike
Jon Dahl Tomasson, Danmark
Antonio Cassano, Italien
2 mål:
Thierry Henry, Frankrike
Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Sverige
Ruud van Nistelrooy, Holland
Milan Baros, Tjeckien
Frank Lampard, England
1 mål:
Mattias Jonson, Sverige
Fredrik Ljungberg, Sverige
Marcus Allbäck, Sverige
Simone Perrotta, Italien
Maniche, Portugal
Nuno Gomes, Portugal
Rui Costa, Portugal
Fernando Morientes, Spanien
Paul Scholes, England
Steven Gerrard, England
Zisis Vryzas, Grekland
Giorgos Karagounis, Grekland
Angelos Haristeas, Grekland.
Angelos Basinas, Grekland
Cristiano Ronaldo, Portugal
Juan Carlos Valeron, Spanien
Maris Verpakovskis, Lettland
Marek Heinz, Tjeckien
Jan Koller, Tjeckien
Torsten Frings, Tyskland
David Trezeguet, Frankrike
Nico Kovac, Kroatien.
Igor Tudor, Kroatien
Milan Rapaic, Kroatien
Dado Prso, Kroatien
Jesper Grönkjaer, Danmark
Wilfred Bouma, Holland
Dmitrij Kiritjenko, Ryssland
Dimitrij Bulykin, Ryssland
Johan Vonlanthen, Schweiz
Martin Petrov, Bulgarien


***** so the next round looks like this: (gone: Italy, Spain, Croatia, Russia, Bulgaria, Switzerland)

Portugal - England -thurs
France - Greece - fri
Sweden - (Holland??!!) (or perhaps, more interestingly, Latvia still have a chance)-(sat)
(Czechs?) - Denmark -(sun)

*****

Meanwhile, don't look now, but The Mets have won five straight!

Super Rooney

Super Rooney, l'Inghilterra vola

Una mezzora abbondante sull'orlo dell'eliminazione, poi l'Inghilterra trascinata dal super baby Rooney, due reti e primo posto nella classifica cannonieri, schianta la Croazia 4-2 (N. Kovac, Scholes, Tudor e Lampard gli altri gol) e avanza ai quarti di finale dell'Europeo. La squadra di Eriksson però non riesce a evitare l'incrocio pericoloso con il Portogallo perché la Francia rimane prima nel girone e "vince" la Grecia, nella parte di tabellone in cui conta di finire domani l'Italia, se batterà la Bulgaria e Danimarca-Svezia sarà una partita vera.

That's right, England advance to the quarterfinals against Portugal based in large part, upon the shockingly exciting play of the 18 year old phenom, "super baby Rooney" by defeating a stubborn and brave Croatia in a thrilling 4-2 match last night.

"The mind ought sometimes to be diverted that it may return the better to thinking." --Phaedrus

Since the boys back home were whingeing about this sudden proliferation of football news at the expense of baseball cantering, Sports Amnesia has graciously conceded not the entirety of the fan base is cogniscent or even cares about the advent of the twists and turns of the Euro 2004 (just as I will be conspicuously absent from any commentary about something called the Olympics when the time comes), and thus returns to its roots of April, the pine tar and the steroids, the 40 year olds outperforming the generation that followed them, the cold blood thrill of interleague rivalries renewing, abeit, with an irretractable aim to intersperse such observations with football.

That said, as one casts a hesitant eye upon the recent comings and goings of a week's worth of baseball, or perhaps more precisely, reveres it with the telling glance of historical perspective, one cannot help but observe some strange developments.

The Slack Pack

The current bottom feeders in nearly all six divisions would hardly rate as shocking; Baltimore, Montreal, Pittsburgh and Colorado have arrived at their current underachieving levels with a predictable precision that would be admirable for those clocking themselves against the speed of mediocrity.

An argument might have been made against the KC Royals reassuming their familiar nest in the nadir of the AL Central if their shocking performance last season were any indication of future success but really, once the ink had dried on their signing of that perennial pariah Juan Gone, back in the doldrums of January, regardless of his two MVP awards and 429 career homers, their season was already doomed. Juan Gone is the antithesis of whatever youthful enthusiasm the Royals toyed with last season and his signing forged a newer, more cynical and impatient approach. That they will still have Juan Gone in August and not Carlos Beltran, is indicative of the errors having been duly made, the momentum of a franchise duly gutted.

We might mention that seeing the Seattle Mariners 9 games back from the lead, hopelessly mired at the bottom of the AL West is surprising until you consider how demoralising it is as a franchise to choke so consistently and so artfully two years running and to do so with an aging cast and a rapidly diminished carry on bag of dumb luck, was simply too much for the Mariners to overcome after swallowing the loss of three of baseball's biggest names over the course of half decade.

No, a truer manifestation of the unthinkable is found nestled in the bosum of the NL Central where one finds the astonishing 35-31 record of the Milwaukee Brewers. Conjecture over this heretofore unfathonable development would be meaningless if it not examined through the lens of the fortunate relinquishment of the stigma that was the Selig family, and thus, having been spared the ignominy of additional humiliation, are finally allowed an interesting cast of youth, of particular note being Lyle Overbay, acquired through the trade of the disabled Richie Sexson, ready and able to take his swing at infamy. Lyle Who, indeed. With the departure of the Seligs it is now allowable to admire the wonders of that paen to bad beer, Bernie Brewer, as he slides from his perch into a beer stein following each Brewers home run and victory.

And yes, still within that same NL Central lie the Cincinnati Reds, cursed, almost since the very day of the Junior trade back in February of 2000, finally allowed a modicum of breathing room, as has Junior himself now that he's snuggled into the forum of the 500 career homer family.

All of these miniature surprises, and more, like the rapid demise of the Arizona Diamondbacks, and (good god, what is happening in Tampa?!) have set the season on its ear despite the traditional triumvirate of power that continues to be concentrated in the Bronx, Fenway and well yes, exclusively within the rivalry itself, predictable and perhaps forlorn with its absence of tangible controversy.

Art Howe Still Has A Job

Yes, this must rank somewhere on my own personal Richter Scale of surprises. It is a supreme testimony to the inadequacies of the surviving members of the NL East that for all their shoddy play, all the bonehead fielding errors, all the hitless hours of a mediocre batting order, all the first base blunders as Piazza stubbornly stumbles like a child at his new position and all the submoronic miscalculations by Art Howe, on this day the Mets not only stand a mere two and a half games from first place, but have the unmitigated gall of optimism to begin to make trades to strengthen themselves as though this mirage might continue.

Rather ominously, despite this optimism, Mets GM Jim Duquette logically refuses to endorse Howe, has fired his batting coach and continues to allow Howe's future to dangle precariously as though the deeper understanding of this success is that it has been achieved not in part because of Art Howe, but in spite of Art Howe.

So perhaps the question of where the Mets stand at this moment in time with the return of the Human Hammy Jose Reyes and the acquisition of Astro outcast Richard Hidalgo is a moot one whilst the Artless Howe still stands in the dugout like the captain of a ship that is destined to see its sinking stern disappear beneath the quiet lapping of the waves.

Lakers Amazing Implosion

Although the NBA is not often addressed herein, the speed and ease with which the Pistons dispatched the Lakers in the Finals was almost as shocking as the speed with which the dynasty has been dismantled. Speculation runs rampant as Phil Jackson takes a year's sabbatical to contemplate what team of superstars he might next steer into a collision course with championships, as Shaq preemptively announces his desire for a trade as though the oft injured limbs of a rapidly aging 32 year old and a 30 million dollar contract will be in great demand and Kobe awaits word on whether he will spend his future with the Lakers or in a high security prison somewhere in Colorado. As we watch the dying embers of the once seemingly inpenetrable walls of superiority that was the Lakers the question begs, who is more likely to add another championship ring to his collection?

Euro 2004

Of course, all of this pales in comparison to the battles to be waged this evening in Portugal. Yes, minions, it is back to the business at hand. For tonight, England will face the nasty squad from Croatia needing only a draw to advance and join Greece and Portugal in the Quarterfinals. A mere 4 years ago in Charleroi, England sat precariously in this very position, fresh from their satisfying victory over the Germans and the disaster of a Belgian riot squads hosing down hooligans with water cannons, needing only a draw against Romania to go forward and it was then, at that juncture between success and abysmal failure, they suffered the humiliation of a loss that sent them packing, disfunctionally and prematurely, back to the motherland.

The Croatians are a notorious bunch. They've publically admitted that part of their strategy is to goad English teen phenom and perenially hot head, Wayne Rooney, into an early ejection. Their fans have been called out for racist slurs against opposing squads. Their goons are underdeveloped on the pitch but dangerous not only for their latent talent but also for their penchant for diving and dirty play. They are the perfect foil and on paper, the English should have a go at them with little difficulty but paper is meaningless in this tournament and the reality that hopefully manifests itself tonight will be that England rise higher still, above the squalor of their opponents' side and dispatch Croatia quickly. As to avoid unnecessarily jinxing the squad, Sports Amnesia will refrain from a prediction and hope for the best result, which would likely be a quarterfinal matchup against the Portugese hosts.

Until then, it is time to don the colours of Saint George and go off into the night seeking pints of ale to fortify the spirit and celebratory scenes to follow.