Mexico May Have Saved America
CANADA ON BRINK OF ELIMINATION



Little makes sense in this Pool B of the World Baseball Classic. Team USA defeated Mexico 2-0 a few days ago, Canada stunned Team USA only two days ago and yesterday, Mexico routed Canada. Will the real contender for Pool B please stand up?

Instead of helping eliminate America with a loss to Canada, Mexico's Jorge Cantu homered and drove in three runs whilst Esteban Loaiza allowed a run in five-plus innings as Mexico defeated Canada 9-1 to leave the U.S. team a win away from reaching the second round. A win over South Africa no less, one of the weakest teams in the Pool, of course, the same team that nearly upset Canada three days ago.

But that's not even the tantalising bit, is it?

No, the tantalising bit comes when Living Legend Roger Clemens makes his WBC debut today against the pesky South Africans.



But here's what you've got to either love or hate about Clemens. He plans on going head-hunting against the enemic South African lineup:

"I'm going to pitch inside," said Clemens, humorlessly, seeming perplexed by the suggestion that he might go easier on the overmatched South Africans.

If the game South Africa and Team USA both had against Canada are any indication, this isn't going to be the walkover people expect so Clemens' mentality might be a blessing. But chances are, taking a South African team seriously is only going to be mean America is going to crush them. Gotta be, right? I mean how many Major Leaguers are from South Africa....

Venezuela Advances


Francisco Rodriguez embraces Henry Blanco after a game-ending strikeout

Not surprisingly, Venezuela advanced to the next round with a victory over the beleaguered Australian team. That they "only" won 2-0 is the surprising part. However perhaps the Vennies, as Sports Amnesia likes to dub them, will be more formidable than expected in the latter rounds. They allowed only three total hits in consecutive shutouts over Italy and Australia the past two nights.

Not that Italy and Australia hold a Murderer's Row, either of them, but two consecutive shutouts are what they are. It still isn't easy; lapses in concentration, boredom, etc.

"It’s a great feeling," said Minnesota Twins ace Johan Santana, who will start Venezuela’s second-round opener Sunday against the winner of Friday night’s game between Puerto Rico and Cuba.

Yesterday, the Vennies threw Angels' fireballer Kelvim Escobar on the mound. Dazzling with a 96 mph fastball, Escobar struck out five in 4 2-3 innings for the win.

With the victory not only the Vennies but also the Dominican Republic (2-0) and playing tonight, advanced to the next round setting up some quite intriguing matchups of Latino teams.

Commies 11, Dutch 2


(Laughing it up during an easy victory, Team Commie second baseman Yuliesky Gourriel, left, hugs centerfielder Carlos Tabares, right, after scoring on a single by Ariel Pestano in the seventh inning against the Netherlands.)

No shocker here, even if we don't know many of the players on either side. Cuba's victory over the Dutch mean they too advance to the next round but not before they face their first real test of the tournament, the first litmus test: against a star-studded Puerto Rican team.

According to MLB propaganda:

Cuba second baseman Yulieski Gourriel, arguably the highest regarded prospect in the country, has been the most recognizable face of a mostly anonymous Cuban squad, and he's done it with style.

Gourriel went 3-for-4 with four RBIs and a home run against Panama. Against the Netherlands, he hit a home run in his first at-bat to give Cuba a 2-0 lead, and finished 1-for-3 with two walks, two runs scored and one RBI.

His style on defense has turned more than a few heads, and his humble yet slightly mischievous demeanor has won over fans from the three other countries participating in the event. Panama pitcher Bruce Chen, a starter with Baltimore, went as far as to say his team would have won had it not been for Gourriel's presence.

The secret is out. Puerto Rico knows of Gourriel, as do the Dominican Republic and Venezuela, the teams predicted to take the top two spots in Pool D in Orlando and advance to Puerto Rico for the next round. But opponents have more than Gourriel to worry about."

Not to be outdone, the USA took the opportunity to accuse Cuba of human rights abuses - what? Just because they don't hide it behind the hollow cheer of the "War on Terrorism" it's bad?

Republica Dominicana 8, Republica Italiana 3


The Monsters yuck it up

Mike Piazza is certainly doing very little to prove he still belongs in the Major Leagues - in fact, you might make the argument that Team USA actively encouraged him to play for Italy, simply because he's washed up and playing for a second rate team like Italy (or the Padres) is where he belongs.

Piazza's meagre contribution to Italy's performance in the WBC to date: 1 hit in 11 at-bats.

Meanwhile, the "real" Dream Team, the Dominicans, continued blazing a trail to an undefeated first round with a simple victory over an overwhelmed team.

Adrian Beltre homered for the third time in two games to pace Thursday’s victory. Albert Pujols and Moises Alou also homered to help the Dominicans improve to 2-0.

After leaving Our Beloved Mets to play for the Dominicans, shortstop Jose Reyes finally got some playing time when Alfonso Soriano was rested. He went 1 for 5. You have to wonder if, not starting for the Dominicans is as good for early season development as starting for the Mets every day but what the hell, he's still a kid and wants his shot.

D'OH! AMERICA ON BRINK OF ELIMINATION WITH LOSS TO NEIGHBOURS




Only a day after they almost lost to baseball giant South Africa, Team Canada, filled with little more than minor leaguers, reasserted their stature by defeating Team America which again was littered with Yankees, 8-6.

Adam Stern, a young backup outfielder for the Boston Red Sox, hit an inside-the-park homer, drove in four runs and made two sensational catches in center whilst for Team USA, another Red Sock, Jason Varitek, hit a 448-foot grand slam that helped bring the United States back from an unbelievable 8-0 deficit. But in the end, the kids from the Land of Hockey prevailed.

America was done in by poor pitching, one day after shutting out the Mexicans. Marlin ace Dontrelle Willis allowed five runs and six hits in 2 2-3 innings. He was relieved by Republican Yankee Douchebag Al Leiter, who surrendered two runs on three hits in two-thirds of an inning.

Allegedly, if Mexico, who beat South Africa 10-4, defeats Canada by a score of 1-0, 2-0 or 2-1, then both Mexico and Canada will secure berths in the second round, ending Team USA's run. Tomorrow's game against South Africa would become a meaningless exhibition. Hmmm. Hard to imagine it wasn't to begin with, regardless of the ramifications of an early Team USA knockout.

*****

Cuba 8, Panama 6

Alexei Ramirez of Cuba slides home as Carlos Ruiz of Panama waits for the ball.
(Al Bello/Getty Images)

Panama sunk to lower depths, losing their second straight game this time to a Cuban team no one really knew very much about and a team which had been gutted over the years by superstar defections to America.

"I was very impressed with the way they played, because they play as a team," Panama starter Bruce Chen said, although obviously not impressed enough to donate his lunch money. "They do the little things, and they tried to win. They tried everything for the team to win."

With Cuba ahead, 6-4, Panama loaded the bases in the ninth inning and plated a run on a base hit by Olmedo Saenz to cut the Cuban lead to one. Cuban pitcher Yuniesky Maya recovered to strike out Carlos Lee, but then hit the next batter, Earl Agnoly, with the bases loaded, to tie the game at 6.

Venezuela 6, Italy 0

Piazza preparing for humiliation...

You can't say this was much of a surprise although perhaps the fact that Mike Piazza struck out three times was.

Marlin Miguel Cabrera, who has four hits in his first seven WBC at-bats, provided more than enough support for the interstellar Venezuelan hurlers. World Champion Freddy Garcia registered seven strikeouts and allowed just one hit while completing 3 1/3 scoreless innings.

Carlos Silva Silva got Piazza to look at strike three to leave a runner stranded at the end of the sixth inning.

"It was evident they threw their best at us tonight, and they were on top of their game," Piazza attempted to excuse. "I felt the stuff that I saw tonight was the stuff I'd expect to see in June, July and August."

Puerto Rico 8, Netherlands 3

Met Carlos Beltran had three hits, one of which was a homerun, and a stolen base to lead the PRs in an easy victory.

Pudge Rodriguez and Javy Lopez also homered for the PRs.

Béisbol!

(Venezuelans rooting for their losing side...)

Now that the boring bits in Pool A are over (Korea edged Japan for the top seed and everyone else was so bad they really shouldn't have bothered fielding a team,) action has moved to the much more lively and talented Western Hemisphere.

I mean after all, this isn't the Little League Baseball World Series where the Koreans can field a team of 20 year old ringers with forged birth certificates against the American 12 year olds, these are the creme de la creme, of those who are bothering to attend anyway.

In any event, the Americans won their opener yesterday, a real nail biter of sorts...

Ok Rodrigo Lopez, the starter for Mexico is no slouch, but he normally pitches for the Orioles, not exactly renowned for their pitching prowess, so how come this "powerhouse" USA team only managed 6 hits and two runs all game? Damon, Jeter, Junior, A-Rod and Texeira opening things off and that was all they managed? What are they going to do when they face "real" pitching in the later rounds.

Still, a win is a win, one supposes, even if it had to be dramatic. The pitching was good, starter Jake Peavy allowed only one hit and struck out three in three innings work. Overall, a combination of SEVEN pitchers combined to shut out the Mexicans and allow them only four hits all game.

Fortunately for the Yanks, Derrek Lee and Laaaaa-rrrrry "Chipper" Jones both hit homers in their WBC debuts and Team USA won 2-0. We Mets fans were rather hoping Chipper would take one to the head for the team but there's still several more games to be played. But let's face it, team Canada and South Africa are going to send shivers of fear through no one so this victory pretty much clinches the next round for America.

Did they get this excited after the Alamo?

*****

Dominican Republic 11 Venezuela 5

The Dominicans on the other hand, with a true powerhouse, cracking batting order, won easily. This was a game started by the two past AL Cy Young winners, Twins ace Johan Santana v Angels star pitcher Bartolo Colon.

Red Sock Papi Ortiz led off the second inning with a solo homer off Santana, and then added a second homer in the ninth, a two-run shot off Venezuelan left-hander Carlos Hernandez to ice the game.

Adrian Beltre also recorded a multihomer game. He knocked a three-run blast off Carlos Zambrano to contribute to a four-run fifth inning , and he also went deep off newly acquired Met, Jorge Julio in the ninth, giving the Dominicans a five-run advantage.

Puerto Rico 2 Panama 1

Proving their victory over the Mets on Sunday was no fluke, Puerto Rico won following a Bernie Williams double and an Alexis Rios homerun. Williams was batting leadoff in a lineup that included Pudge Rodriguez, Carlos Beltran and Javy Lopez, among others.

The Panamanians were fielding a side that had well, Ruben Rivera playing centerfield and their starting pitcher was none other than Lenin Picota. This is like the B List of Hispanic players, or maybe even the C list. Wonder why Panama ends up with so few stars and a little island like the Domincan Republic has so many superstars...

In any event, the PRs are a "team" in the classic sense and this might even give them an advantage, at least in this first round. There's only so far homefield advantage will go and that's this round only so although they're good, with 7 Mets on their side, I'm hoping PR get knocked out early so they can return to the team. Especially with Carlos Beltran sliding head first into first base trying to beat out a hit. Hellooooo? It's not the bloody World Series Carlos, save your enthusiasm for the Mets who are paying you a gazillion dollars a year to hit .270...

BONDS STEROIDS RUMOURS DELUXE

Swallowed up in the excitement is the interesting revelation of the degree to which Barry Bonds is now alleged to have taken steroids.

"But as the 1998 season unfolded and, as he watched Mark McGwire take over the game -- his game -- Barry Bonds decided that he, too, would begin using what he called "the s---."

He began working out with a real gym rat, a trainer who spent 12 hours a day pumping iron in a gym on the San Francisco peninsula. Bonds's new workout partner called himself the Weight Guru, and he had a sophisticated approach to training. He prescribed specific, intense workouts for individual muscle groups, and he tailored the program for baseball to maximize hitting power while maintaining agility. He could talk about nutrition and blood tests and body-fat percentages with such authority that you might mistake him for a doctor."

Yeahyeah. Big surprise. Now let's get on with it...

Bonds' Bird, Bimbo or Bitch for spilling her guts about him?

..."He said he usually dated strippers. Bonds also began giving her money: $5,000 to $10,000 in cash in an envelope, on an irregular basis. He said the money came from the sale of autographed memorabilia. Often Bonds would tell her how she should spend the money: a new big-screen TV or a bed for her apartment, for example. In 1996, he decided she should have breast augmentation surgery, and a check arrived from the Beverly Hills Sports Council, Bonds's agent, to pay for it."

Juicy stuff, indeed.

1918, 1917...1916?


One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say." -- Will Durant<

In case you haven't been paying attention there has been a disturbing symmetry to the World Series winners of the last two seasons.

Two seasons ago the Boston Red Sox won their first World Series since 1918. Tongue in cheek, one wondered about the Black Sox, who made their mark in the 1919 World Series with a betting scandal, would follow the Red Sox and right the legacy of their franchise after many, many decades.

And then last season, whoops, the White Sox, who last won the World Series in 1917, defeated the Astros to win the World Championship.

So what you've got here is the winners of 1918 and 1917 winning in 2004 and 2005 which leads one naturally to wonder who played in the World Series in 1916?

Well, if this cycle continues, the Red Sox will be World Champs again but I think not all parallels run consecutively thus, there must be a twist and that is, this season's World Champion will be the Los Angeles Dodgers.

In 1916, the Brooklyn Robins (later the Dodgers) played the Red Sox in the World Series. Batting third and playing rightfield in the Robins Game One lineup was none other than Casey Stengel, a lifetime .284 hitter. (Stengel was the only Robin to have a decent series at the plate, by the way.)

Another notable in the Robins order was Zack Wheat, with 2,884 lifetime hits and a career .317 batting average.

Pinch hitting for starting pitcher Rube Marquard was none other than Fred "Bonehead" Merkle. Merkle, of course, will be forever famous for his "boneheaded" play on September 23, 1908, which cost the Giants a key victory and made the Cubs' pennant-clinching victory possible when the game was replayed at the end of the season.

The Red Sox were led by Harry Hooper and a cast of nearly no-names yet won Game One when Earnie Shore outpitched Marquard and the Sox won, 6-5 despite 4 runs in the top of the 9th by the Robins. The save was earned by none other than submarine hurler Carl Mays, whose fateful pitch was to kill Cleveland Indians shortstop Ray Chapman nearly 4 years later.

The Red Sox went on to win the World Series, 4 games to 1 which you might logically conclude would mean that the Sox will again win the World Series this season against the Dodgers however, the Sports Amnesia Ratio of Supremacy (SARS) notes that even though the Red Sox would win under previous guidelines, as it will no longer be their first in 85 years, it will be the Dodgers whom fate and history will unite.

Ahhh, nothing like meaningless speculation to fuel a Sunday morning...

*****

World Baseball Classic

No surprises so far. China and Chinese Tapei were both easily sorted out by Korea and Japan leaving the two powerhouses of Pool A to fight it out against each other in the first quasi-meaningful game of the Tournament.

These time differences are maddening however. With Japan being basically, a day ahead of the States and yet our being 5 hours ahead of the States here, it almost takes an astrophysicist to figure out what time the bloody game will start here in the UK.

Whenever the hell it is, Japan will send submarine pitcher Shunsuke Watanabe to the hill against Sun-Woo Kim, who normally pitches for the Colorado Rockies, not exactly a badge of competence.

Forecast: Japan 7, Korea 4.

Why bother forecasting a Pool A game between Japan and Korea? I dunno, combination of caffeine and the excitement of listening to the Mets play the Nats in a Spring Training game...

*****

Jake Peavy, the scheduled starter for the US in their opener against Mexico, apparently has tears in his eyes but not tears of joy.

"I have a hole in my retina," Peavy said during Saturday's second day of workouts for the American team. "Actually, I have holes in both of my retinas. There's some slight tearing in there and a little scar tissue. They're treating it with the drops and should be fine."

******



Bush, visiting Pakistan about something over nuclear weapons, had time out to swing the auld cricket bat three times...he connected with the first pitch, was hit in the shoulder by the second one, and sent a third ball sailing into a tree.

Pity Carl Mays wasn't bowling that day, tsktsk.

Hurry Back, Zack



"According to the Kansas City Star, Royals P Zack Greinke left camp to dealt with emotional issues, while the Royals refuse to comment on the specifics, other than to say it's not disciplinary problem, legal issue, injury, lack of desire to play baseball nor is it a matter involving another person."

Well, that doesn't leave a helluva lot of other possibilities, does it then?

Wonder if he's just sick of pitching for a losing team like the KC Royals...

Lighter Side of Future Home Run King Makes Appearance



Although we are well accustomed to surly press conferences, misunderstood statements and misrepresented facts, through steroid rumours and bum knees, the future Home Run King had thus far, to our knowledge anyway, managed to carry out his career without resorting to dressing up as a female.

No more.

And not once, but twice.

For a second day Wednesday, Bonds dressed up like "American Idol" judge Paula Abdul, donning make-up, an orange wig and a midriff-bearing cut-off t-shirt as part of a rookie-hazing charity event.

"My legs look better than Paula's" Barry was alleged to have crooned.

It's questionable. Paula used to be a fit bird:



But Paula never dressed up like a baseball player, not even for charity.

Of course, we chirp, this is all just publicity for the upcoming Barry Bonds Reality Show where he won't reveal that he took steroids and he won't admit his record for homers, if he achieves it, will be tainted, justifiably or not, by scandal and rumour. Guess if you can't beat em, join em.

One thing that cannot be disputed is that no matter how hideous Barry may look kitted up like a bird, he's certainly got Dennis Rodman beat:



*****

I think that Team USA's rotation just took a massive blow when it announced that Al Leiter was named as a last-minute replacement.

Granted, some of the competition isn't so stiff or perhaps merely composed of stiffs, but even against the likes of Canada the suggestion is that the USA can't be taking this thing to seriously. CC Sabathia and Billy Wagner begging out were grim reminders of the embers this flame is burning down to.

...Where Bobblehead meets Bubblehead.

*****

Sign of March Madness arrival:

61-Foot Shot That Sent DePauw Men to NCAA Basketball Tourney.

DePauw?

Who else is making it in, DeFoot? DeHands?

Watch out, the Dare Cats are coming...

Nasty Fracture



Manchester United teammates of Alan Smith walk away from the gruesome sight of his horrifically twisted and fractured lower limb.

Unfortunately, we're unable to provide exceptionally disgusting up-close photos just yet so this one will have to suffice for now: (you have to look close to see just how twisted the ankle is from the rest of the leg...)



Not only that, but Man U lost to Liverpool 1-0, to boot, knocking them out of the FA Cup and any chance of gaining any silverware this season. Pity, pity, hahaha. 85 years, Liverpool supporters waited to see this.

*****

Meanwhile, at St James' Park, the Magpies were able to escape with a 1-0 victory over Southampton to advance to the next round of the FA Cup, thanks in part to Kieren Dyer's return to the starting 11, in place of the injured Shearer, who had a chance to play half manager for the day:



*****

I suppose it qualifys as sports news when a 5'9 guy wins the NBA dunking contest. For lack of anything better to say about the NBA in any event:



*****

Of course, the Winter Olympics appear to be ongoing but we at Sports Amnesia are proud not to have seen a single event, save for the ultra-exciting curling event wherein a bunch of people were sweeping ice in front of some sort of iron on ice - zzzz. I mean, jaysus, Spring Training just opened up, who cares about skiing and curling and ice hockey? Figure skating, maybe, just maybe for the fit birds but there simply aren't enough of them to merit watching, not unless you're into prepubescent contortionist acts, that is:



*****

And as previously mentioned, yes, baseball is neigh upon us!

Pedro's Big Toe is one of the weightier matters as pitchers and catchers and a few early birds report.

Meanwhile, in Chicago and Boston, Greg Maddux and Curt Schilling are prepping on the comeback trail.

In Tucson, Ariz., the World Series champion Chicago White Sox picked Mark Buehrle to pitch opening day for the fifth straight season.

"It's nice to start opening day and then I can get my ring and enjoy it," Buehrle said. The White Sox's ring ceremony comes two days after the opener.

Buehrle has pitched more than 220 innings and made more than 30 starts for five straight seasons. The White Sox start defense of their championship against the Cleveland Indians on April 2.

How do you name your starting pitcher before seeing what's going on? What if Buehrle throws out his shoulder in his first spring training game of the season? What if they find some superstar who throws 300 mph and strikes out everyone he faces?

The first casualty of the spring was Cincinnati righty Josh Hancock, who was released by the Reds (how bad is it when the Reds release you??!) for being too fat.

Hancock, 27, missed most of last season with a groin injury suffered in spring training. Hancock and the rest of the Reds pitchers and catchers took physicals on Friday.

Manager Jerry Narron said Hancock, whose weight is listed at 207 pounds, reported 17 pounds too heavy.

"I have no clue what Josh Hancock was doing," Narron said. "As far as I know, he might have been running a marathon all winter long. He may have been throwing off the mound. But he was 17 pounds over his requested reporting weight."

Super Size me!

World Baseball Classic



TO date, other than Fidel’s Infidels joining the field, it seems like the biggest stories are held within the names of the no-shows and the speculation of big stars getting injured. This may only be because there is no history of the World Baseball Classic to reflect upon, no memories of great moments, no Game Seven-type excitement to recall.

That’s a pity but a situation which will be rectified by the time the inaugural Classic is concluded.

For guidance have a look at voetball’s World Cup.

Can you imagine some massive international star, say Brazil’s Ronaldo or England’s David Beckham, turning down the opportunity to play for his country in the World Cup? It’s arguably the biggest sporting event in the world, not to mention a stage upon which to play yourself up for massive contracts and transfers. Much like March Madness, football players often parlay impressive performances in the World Cup into huge paydays.

Certainly there will be unknowns who make a big splash and some from Japan, Korea and perhaps China and Cuba, will be have a chance to cash in big but by and large, contractual obligations and the binding nature of baseball’s minor league system make the prospect of a staging ground for baseball millions less for the baseball stars than those in voetball’s World Cup, but there seems little doubt that once the Classic has been played a few times there will be no sitting out. There will be mad desire to participate.

As for stars getting injured, it’s certainly a possibility. However, consider this: do you ever see baseball players faking getting hit by a ball, diving to the ground, rolling and writhing from imaginary fouls like football players often do? In other words, who are more fragile, voetball stars or baseball players? And if voetball players can endure not only a gruelling season like that of the Premiership in England and THEN go on to play in the biggest tournament in the world with relatively few injuries, certainly baseball players still playing themselves into shape and perhaps not even taking the games all that seriously just yet, are not going to go falling like dominoes.

Pitching counts are limited – quite an important method to avoid costly pitcher injuries. 65 in the first round, 80 in round two and 95 in the finals and semi finals.

The wildcard is of course, Cuba. Having been allowed entry into the tournament by virtue of guaranteeing no profits (all go to Hurricane Katrina aid), the roster hasn’t been announced yet and even those who are on the roster might be tempted to jump ship as soon as possible.

Although there is no history of the Classic upon which to base rivalries, certainly China v Chinese Taipei in Pool A will be a high strung match, as well as Puerto Rico-Cuba (Pool C) and Domincan Republic against Venezuela in Pool D.



Holland, no doubt, stuffed in the grouping with Cuba and Puerto Rico will have a hard go at it but with Curacao star Andruw Jones and Randall Simon joining Shea Hillenbrand, it’s not a bad lineup. The rotation looked formidable with Kirk Saarloos (whose surname is at least Dutch) and A’s future ace Danny Haren – (Mark Mulder, invited but declined, it appears,) but regardless, they might be able to give Panama a run for their money to escape the basement of Pool C.

Sports Amnesia’s early pick for the Final Four is Cuba, Dominican Republic, USA and Korea.

*****

Lombari's Last Speech

In case you missed it, Jerry Kramer, Packer legend and World Champion, author and chronicler of the Packer's seasons, has discovered the lost Lombardi tapes and placed them on his website both on offer and available in excerpts. Interesting place to visit, memory lane.

Kwan Pulls Out



Such headlines! There was little I was interested in watching about the Winter Olympics in Torino, but this just about seals the deal that I won't even bother betting on Olympic Hockey matches.

It's difficult enough getting worked up about these overhyped "games" as it is but with Michelle Kwan dropping out, or "pulling" out rather (what a curious way to put it, one speculates...over a groin injury, no less...) what else is left to get excited about, speed skating? Giant slalom? Or will I just content myself with following the coverage of Saddam Hussien's hunger strike.

BEFORE


AND AFTER


AND REALLY AFTER


Going back to this Kwan pulling out with groin injury, the Kawn Um School of Zen is the only remedy left.

But it's a sad day for The Kwan and the last remaining hope of establishing a casual interest in these Olympic events...

STUPOR BOWL WAIT IS TWO WEEKS TOO LONG

Nothing like a two-week blitz of media hysteria and non-stories pervading the airwaves and newsprint like a migratory bird flu.

In the interests of maintaining a vague modicum of sanity it should be proposed that there should never be a period of longer than one week between the Conference Finals and the Super Bowl. Two weeks is simply too long. Too much time to hype, too much time to create news from non-issues, player mouths, player actions, and human interest stories that are in fact, not interesting at all merely exposing the desperate need to fill space with ink in a weak effort to forstall the inevitability of the end of football season.

That's right, folks. THE END OF THE FOOTBALL SEASON.

Adding another week in between is like making your girlfriend have sex "one more time" before you break up. It's meaningless and quite possibly only prolongs the agony of the inevitable.

*****

Given that we at Sports Amnesia have done such a bang-up job in the postseason prognosticating department (4-0, followed by 2-2 and then bottoming out by getting neither the AFC or NFC Championships right) you might want to consider that we have done a massive amount, two weeks in fact, of research on this matter, talking to experts from a vast array of countries and fields, heart specialists, soothsayers, palm readers, and farmers amoung the many.

We believe that it was time to give quality prognosticating for a quality game, this Super Bowl which we will firstly predict to be one of the most exciting Super Bowls ever.

But say goodbye to Football for another season ladies and gents because after Sunday, there's nothing left but Draft Day to look forward to.

*****

FINAL SCORE:

Pittsburgh Steelers 34
Seattle Seahawks 31

The Forgotten Goat: Tony Dungy

Playoff Time has not been kind to Tony Dungy.

Well, the Colts can’t blame the Patriots any more now that a 38-10 regular season record over the last three seasons has resulted in zero Super Bowl appearances. They can’t blame slow turf, inclement weather or the coaching genius of Bill Belichick for that failure. They can’t even blame Peyton Manning who, understandably perhaps if not clandestinely, blamed the utter lack of pass protection from his offensive line.

Yes, the trend is to blame it all on the pitiable Manning legacy. (Dig deep to find another pair of brothers who have failed more miserably than Peyton and Eli in the postseason.) – Blame Archie, blame Eli and blame Peyton but this isn’t really scratching the surface of the Colts failure to capitalise on domefield advantage, perfect indoor weather and a fast track surface.

Yes, Peyton is 3-6 in the playoffs. But XX of those losses came with Tony Dungy coaching his team. No, it isn’t hard to kick a man when he’s down and the man who is down at the moment and upon whom the spotlight should be shown for yet another wretched and disappointing postseason performance is Tony Dungy, the head coach of the Colts and former head coach of the Tampa Bay Bucs.

Let's have a little peek at Mr Dungy's record in the post season:

In 1997, he led the Tampa Bay Bucs to a 10-6 record and a wild card berth. They were able to beat the mediocre Lions but lost in the next round to the eventual NFC Champion Packers, not so bad. Two and out.

1n 1999, after a year out of the postseason, the Bucs won the NFC Central with an 11-5 record, received a first round bye and hosted the Washington Redskins in the second round. The Bucs managed to defeat the Skins by a 14-13 margin but then lost to eventual World Champion St Louis Rams by a pithy 11-6 margin. Two and out.

In 2000, the Bucs managed to squeeze out a wildcard berth with a 10-6 record but lost in the cold of Philly in the first round by a 21-3 margin. One and out.

The next year they didn't make the playoffs and Tony was gone, off to the Indy Colts, who managed a wildcard spot in 2002 with a 10-6 record and were crushed by the Jets 41-0. One and out again.

In 2003, Indianapolis were more formidable, going 12-4 and winning the AFC South earning homefield advantage in the first round against the wild card Denver Broncos which resulted in a 41-10 victory. They even made it past the Chiefs in the next round by a 38-31 margin before being bounced by the Patriots, 24-14 in the AFC Title game, a tune that would ring familiar again.

In 2004, the Colts had an identical 12-4 record, hosting the Broncos again in the first round and winning, this time 49-24. Of course, the Pats bumped them off easily again by a 20-3 margin.

And of course we have this season, starting 13-0, earning homefield through the playoffs and what happens? One and out, poof.

So Manning's playoff record is one of persistent failure indeed but Tony Dungy was failing all on his own with a 2-4 record before Manning ever came along, not to mention that the Bucaneers team he left later went on to win the Super Bowl without him.

Goat, or Goat's concubine?

*****

Other Random Views of the second round of the NFL Playoffs last weekend:

1. It was a weekend of rematches and among the four teams that had won games against their playoff opponents in the regular season, only the Broncos managed to repeat the feat in the postseason. So much for the valuation of previous meetings but hey, by that same token let’s be thankful we won’t have to witness something like a bloody Redskins at Chicago NFC Championship. The NFC has a bad enough reputation without this sort of travesty to further muddy the waters.

2. In Chicago, Carolina coach John Fox badly out-coached his second consecutive opponent, this time, a vaunted NFL Coach of the Year in the form of Lovie Smith one week after Giants star Tiki Barber blatantly and rightfully pointed the finger at his own coaching staff for a humiliating loss. Bears D Coach Ron Rivera a head coaching candidate? Not this week. How do you leave the NFL’s hottest receiver in single coverage when it clearly isn’t working? And why did the Bears, who bragged that they come off the plane rushing suddenly decide to out-Fox themselves by passing instead? With Rex Grossman operating the passing game? Pshaw. If that move didn’t have bonehead written all over it, I don’t what does.

3. Perhaps even more interesting than his performance in his last two postseason games are Steve Smith’s quotes of late:

On perfecting the Art of the Understatement:

“I’m just really utilizing my talents. They throw me the ball, my job is to catch it. If I don’t catch the ball, they will get somebody in here who will.”

And on being defended by his own mother:

“If you lined up my mama over there, I got to catch it over her, too,”

All that, not to mention his pole dance around the goal post last weekend…

4. As if appearing in two AFC title games in his only two seasons wasn’t enough, Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger can now add The Immaculate Tackle to his brief NFL CV. (note that in comparison, Carolina QB Jake Delhomme has “only” appeared in the NFC title game twice in three seasons and has zero miraculous tackles to his credit.) – what a far cry Roethlisberger is from Cowher’s mirthless and dreadful days of Slash.

5. How many times do you see a team lose the NFL MVP early in the game and give away three fumbles, yet still manage to win the game? Against a Joe Gibbs coached team no less? For their first playoff victory since the Reagan Administration?

6. It was mildly shocking that the traditional grind-it-out Steeler reputation gave way to a shockingly pass-happy 21-3 domination early in the game against the Colts. But it paled in comparison to the nearly unfathomable culmination, with the improbable Bettis fumble, the near 93 yard touchdown return of that fumble by a man who had been stabbed by his wife only the night before, Roethlisberger’s Immaculate ankle-grabbing Tackle and finally, Vanderjagt’s unmistakably muffed game-tying FG effort which went wider right than Pat Robertson.

It was the Immaculate Reception, the Music City Miracle and The Drive all wrapped up in one. Big Ben said it best: ”Once in a blue moon, Jerome fumbles. Once in a blue moon, I make a tackle. They just happened to be in the same game.”

And thus, Herm Edwards’ moment as most improbable game-winning touchdown return of a (Larry Csonka, no less!) fumble in the closing seconds of a game remains intact.

7. Bill Cowher has lost all four AFC Championships the Steelers hosted so perhaps this is a good omen to be playing in Denver instead. Ben Roethlisberger is now 25-4 as an NFL starter. At the opposite end of the spectrum, the disappointing and poorly coached Colts finished the season 1-3 after a 13-0 start.

8. How creepy is it for the Broncos that the Patriots lost due more to their own uncharacteristically sloppy play than to any outstanding performance by the Broncos? Sure that bristles readers in Denver but seriously – how big a genius is Bill Belichick if his Pats lost three fumbles and his Mr America QB overthrew receivers all afternoon every playoff game over the last two plus seasons? Let’s face it, if the Patriots had played last Saturday’s game like they’d played the last two seasons, in quiet perfection, then the Broncos would just be a punch line and Shanahan would have to be answering questions about why he can’t win a playoff game without John Elway.

Instead, Champ Bailey turns the game around with a 100 yard interception return that turned a probable Patriot touchdown and 3 point lead into an 11 point lead for the Broncos. That’s a 14 point difference. All the difference in the world.

Even more than New England’s 253 pound tight end Benjamin Watson maniacally sprinting cross field to smash into the unsuspecting Bailey on the 1 yard line causing a fumble. Even if it should have been a touchback.

My new all-time favourite special teams moment: Denver punter Todd Sauerbrun makes a jarring tackle on Ellis Hobbs hard enough to cause a fumble. Granted, Sauerbrun, given his rather large proportions, is not your father’s punter but it sure set the old punter stereotype on its head for a moment, didn’t it?

9. The two teams hosting championship games this weekend are a combined 18-0 at home this season. Yet, the two road teams are a collective 16-4 on the road this season, which is perhaps more amazing. All four remaining head coaches have led teams to the Super Bowl previously, Carolina coach John Fox most recently.

10. The Steelers and Panthers will both be fighting history to take three in a row on the road to the Super Bowl. Isn’t it almost unavoidable that one of those two teams will suddenly lose steam and tumble quickly?



AFC Championship - Pittsburgh at Denver

Among other things, this is the battle between the two winningest coaches in the NFL over the last decade.

It’s hard to ignore the blooming of Ben Roethlisberger as an elite QB. His only playoff loss to date is against the fabled Tom Brady and what will we be saying if he goes on to help the Steelers win the Super Bowl in only his second season?

How unusual is it that there are Two Jakes left in the NFL season and how weird would it be if they were both starting in the Super Bowl this year? I’d venture that it’s never happened in Super Bowl history. Once in a blue moon, as Big Ben might say.

Both teams are coming off emotional and perhaps equally unexpected victories and whilst the Steelers might be more physically exhausted having already played two playoff games on the road, both teams would likely be emotionally fatigued by the wildness and improbability of their respective victories.

What does Jerome Bettis do now with this miracle second chance to finish his career with a Super Bowl title? Does he ask Roethlisberger to score the winning touchdown on a quarterback sneak?

Revisiting the Clinton Portis for Champ Bailey trade, anyone? How you like me now?

Thanks in large part to all those Elway years, the Broncos are 6-1 all-time in AFC Championship games.

Not only that, but the Steelers have no cheerleaders. No cheerleaders. No chicks in hard hats and skimpy outfits inspiring the heroes on to victory. For shame. Hard to root for that.

Then again, it’s hard to root for Mike Shanahan’s blindingly bright upper front teeth which don’t look like they belong in a human mouth, so there you go.

Sad Day For the Lads On Sunday

They always say this game will come down to…something. Turnovers, special team play, mistakes and penalties, clock management, little red flags, little green men, the cumulative team body temperature, stool samples, nice guys finishing last, the number of chickens counted before they’ve hatched, quarterback zodiac signs, you name it.

It’s been noted that scientific study indicates it is better to have less exposure to high altitudes unless your body has more than a week to adjust to it. In other words, the Steelers are waiting until late in the week to go up to Denver.

Well, I’ve got a little secret for you: the game will come down to the final score.

I’m rooting for Pittsburgh primarily because I like Bill Cowher better than Mike Shanahan and I like Ben Roethlisberger better than Jake the Snake. I’d like to see the Steelers pound the Broncos into submission, rattle The Jake into a performance reminiscent of his former Arizona Cardinals self. I’d like to see Jerome Bettis get his last hurrah in the Super Bowl and I’d like to see a Steelers-Panthers Super Bowl.

But logic tells me the Broncos and their stinking Coors Lite brigade will not fail to disgust me by making this potentially exciting game a slow wearing down of Steeler resolve. A few chicks on their sidelines in hard hats and skimpy outfits might have helped.

Final Score:

Broncos 23
Steelers 10


(DELHOMME)

NFC Championship - Carolina at Seattle

I confess, I’ll be rootin silly for the Carolina Panthers in this game. Steve Smith, recently anointed NFL coaching guru John Fox, a third string running back starting in place of the two injured guys who started before him and the nickname all combine to be sufficient incentives for rooting. Not only that, but the Panthers are the only team remaining out of my two preseason Super Bowl picks. The Jets bowed out after their season opening humiliation at the hands of the KC Chiefs.

But Mike Holmgren has proven, over a sometimes painfully long journey of post-Packer seasons, that he is a coaching talent to be reckoned with. This isn’t a spectacular team. Let’s face it, playing in a division tougher than the one they waltzed through the Seahawks wouldn’t have gained their 13 victories and home field advantage throughout the playoffs. And undoubtedly, beating the offensively Deadskins to get to the NFC finals is hardly a miraculous feat. But the Seahawks are here because in large part, of Mike Holmgren, maker of quality NFL Quarterbacks and Hasselbeck might prove yet to be one of them. Last week’s victory over the Redskins was more about Holmgren and home field and a weak opponent. It certainly wasn’t NFL MVP Shaun Alexander on the sidelines with a concussion.

Carolina is 8-2 on the road this year and 4-0 on the road under Fox in the postseason.

More importantly, “Cat” teams, as in Panthers, Jaguars, Lions and Bengals, are a combined 10-1 this season against “Bird” teams, as in Seahawks, Eagles, Cardinals, Falcons and Ravens. For that matter, why the hell are 9 NFL football teams named after cats and birds?! How fucking scary is a bird anyway, unless we’re watching a Hitchcock movie? Everyone knows how much cats like eating birds. If the Panthers were playing, say, the some team with a nickname like the Snarling, Rabid Giant Dogs, I’d say well, they haven’t got a chance. But lock them both up in a cage and 99 times out of 100, the Panther is going to eat the Seahawk.

And speaking of the importance of nicknames in deciding the outcomes of championship games, how do we classify a team like the Steelers? Are they considered a “Factory” team, like the Packers, for example? What about the omens buried in the Broncos nickname? Fuggetaboutit. We all saw how the Colts did last weekend. Horses are definitely out this season.

No, this game has weightier issues to ponder, like opposing quarterbacks with such meaty surnames as Hasselbeck and Delhomme.

Implausible Scenarios:

If Steve Smith’s receiving stats were to grow exponentially from his performances in the first two playoff games, he’d finish Sunday’s game with like, 28 receptions and 490 yards receiving and the Panthers probably win this game 59-3.

Smith’s td reception against the Bears on the second play of the game was even faster than Shawn Alexander’s TKO against the Redskins. Does this mean that if Shawn Alexander bursts for an 80 yard touchdown on the game’s first play from scrimmage then Steve Smith will break his leg running out onto the field during pregame introductions? Yes it does and that of course, would mean the Seahawks would win this one 31-10.

Nope.

Fox is the new coaching genius in waiting now that Belichick is yesterday’s sandwich dropped into a kerbside rubbish bin and everybody knows that new coaching geniuses don’t lose to fat, walrus-like head coaches like Mike Holmgren.

Final Score:

Carolina 27 Seattle 13.

Ultimately, Seattle is closer to being Nike Town than Title Town.

Playoffs, Commercial Breaks and Expert Nattering



For the entirety of the NFL season the venerated and glassy eyed staff at Sports Amnesia have received their doses of NFL action in small dream-like quantities, fading in and out of consciousness between the hours of 1 and 4 in the morning every Sunday and Monday night.

This past weekend, although the Jacksonville @ New England match didn’t kick off until after 1 am locally, the other three playoff spots were decided in the relatively clear-headed hours of the late day and early, late mid evening and the first comment we have to make is that being awake for the NFL isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Not yet anyway.

For starters, other than the Redskins-Bucs game, there weren’t more than a handful of compelling moments in the 240 minutes of playoff football and 575 minutes of playoff commercial hysteria (that’s the Sports Amnesia Unofficial Estimate.) After a slow starvation of bad MNF scheduling all season however, the hype machines of the American football networks, in particular, the ESPN feed, gave one the impression they were watching either the beginning or the end of civilisation which of course, we weren’t at all, just another demonstration of media getting in the way of reality.

The predictable pasting of the Jags by the Pats, the surprisingly apathetic and almost feminine fashion in which the Giants succumbed to the Panthers, the fall of Cincinnati’s Magic Boy before the brie and cranberry puffs and three mustard sausage appetisers had even been finished, and the offensive slowdown of the Skins-Bucs game, bore none of the apocalyptic hallmarks of the NFL postseason - snooze-fests one and all, especially disappointing for such a greatly anticipated weekend, especially disheartening given the hyperbolic drum beating of the American network lead-ins but most of all, an utter waste of time patched together through a disappointing myriad of seemingly incessant commercial breaks which reminds the staff here what a pleasure it is to watch 45 minutes of uninterrupted sport Saturday and Sunday afternoons in England when Europe’s commercial free, non-stop football matches are played.

Let’s count off a few of the insults, shall we?

1. The net yardage gained by the Redskins in the slobber knocker against the number one ranked defence of Tampa Bay, was the lowest by a team ever to win a playoff game. Sure, the broken forearm of Renaldo Wynn was graphic and exciting but with the exception of a Goat of The Year drop of a certain touchdown pass by Edell Shepherd in the 4th quarter end zone which would have tied the game for the Bucs and barring another fool-hearted and inexperienced interception by Chris Simms, probably would have earned them the win ultimately, this game was a battle of watching the game at hand whilst somehow drowning out the natterings of an ESPN broadcast team whose offensiveness bordered on criminal, particularly Joe Theisman, who has never been anyone’s favourite, and was undeniably wrong in his predictions and observations so often, you could almost set your watch by it. It’s frightening that this was arguably the best game of Wild Card Weekend.

2. I never thought the Bengals-Steelers game was going to be very exciting but when Carson Palmer went down with a destroyed knee in the Bengals’ first series, they might as well have waved the white flag and let everyone go home early. It would have saved us about 400 commercial breaks, sitting through painful episodes of John Kitna attempting to pick up the slack in Palmer’s absence and of course, watching the inevitable breakdown of the Bengals before their arch rivals.

3. Two playoff teams appeared to quit one half too early, the Giants and the Bengals – the Giants were so out-coached they don’t appear to have belonged in the post season at all. It tells you something about parity scheduling and the lack of talent in the rest of the league that the Giants not only made the playoffs but won their division to boot. And the Bengals at least had a good excuse having lost their franchise quarterback straight away but still, having fought hard in the first half not to let down, halftime appears to have brought the reality home that they weren’t going to advance, regardless of the home field advantage which proved useful in the end, only to the New England Patriots.

4. The overall lack of excitement other than prior to kickoff, in any of these matches. You hope that since it’s the postseason, every team is laying it out there, do or die, now or never, blablabla. Instead, the matches seemed to underscore importance of good head coaches and stiff defences.

5. How many times in NFL history have two brothers lost two wildcard games for two different teams on the same weekend like Ronde and Tiki Barber?

But with the field narrowed, a brief farewell to the Giants, Bucs, Jags and Bengals and the return of the true powerhouses of the season to the playoff fold, Sports Amnesia is painfully aware that in spite of a 4-0 mark for the Wildcard Weekend, this week’s matches might prove altogether too difficult to pinpoint.

For starters, every single game this weekend features a rematch. The Bears have already pasted the Panthers at home, the Skins nipped the Seahawks albeit at home, the Broncos trounced the Patriots in Denver and the Colts slashed and burned the Steelers in the Dome.

Last season all four divisional playoff games were rematches and each team which has lost the regular season also lost the playoff rematch. If that were to be the case this season, the AFC Championship would see Denver at Indy and the NFC Championship: Washington at Chicago. Hopefully, trends, like records, are made to be broken.

So you might imagine that this weekend’s matches are more a fait accompli than potentially memorable fixtures but with the weaker sisters left standing at the bus stop, these are all teams remaining who have enormously successful head coaches and will all be well prepared for the do or die moments ahead.

Carolina @ Chicago - John Fox and the Panthers, as I noted last week were in the Super Bowl only two seasons ago and if anything, appear stronger than they did that season. For the second week in a row their defence will be facing what amounts to an inexperienced QB (Rex Grossman, believe it or not, has only 7 career starts, fewer even than rookie QB Kyle Orton, whom he replaced, allegedly because he has more experience,) and an inexperienced team who will be just getting their post season feet wet.

Unlike the Jints before them, the Bears defence is not ailing in any way and in fact, are perhaps the most formidable defence this side of the Panthers. In their first meeting in Chicago the Bears sacked Carolina QB Delhomme 8 times. Clearly the addition of Foster to run wild and keep the Bears defence honest will be an advantage to the Panthers this time around and the fact that they were beaten so badly last time around will be a motivating factor for the Panthers.

This should be a low-scoring, smash-mouth sort of match up that might not look exciting on the telly but will be full of hard-hitting straight forward honest to god American football at its most brutal.

Panthers 10 Bears 7.

Pittsburgh @ Indianapolis - We can sum this one up neatly. No way does Bill Cowher, after going oh-for-his career on the road in the playoffs, suddenly reel off two playoff road victories in a row. Yes, the Steelers are hot. Yes, the Steelers defence is impressive. Yes, the Colts haven’t played a meaningful game since November and might be rusty. Yes, the Steelers aren’t likely to surrender an 80 yard touchdown pass on the game’s first play nor is Cowher likely to attempt another ill-conceived second half opening onside kick to surrender another easy touchdown to the league’s most powerful offence.

But Pittsburgh bears no resemblance to a team of destiny. Somehow, it’s difficult to imagine that the Colts won’t be jacked up playing at home, their first game since the death of their coach’s son, eager to prove themselves capable of living up to their season-long hype.

Colts 24 Steelers 9

New England @ Denver - This is bound to be the game of the weekend. With each passing week the Patriots begin to look more and more like the dominating team that won the last two Super Bowls. We all know Belichick has won his last 10 playoff games in a row, that Tom Brady has never lost and that the Broncos are 0-3 in the playoffs since John Elway retired.

(Interesting aside: Belichick and the other former Giant assistant coach in the playoffs, John Fox, are a combined 15-2 in the post season)

On the other hand, the Broncos lost only 3 games all season and two of those losses were by a total of 5 points so with a little luck, this team could have had as formidable a record as the Everybody Loves The Colts franchise.

The Broncos did a number on the Patriots earlier this season but we all know this is a different Patriots team altogether. And not only is this a different team but it hardly seems likely that after all this climbing and crawling back by the Patriots, the football gods are suddenly going to spoil this AFC Championship match for the ages by letting the Broncos or the Steelers squirt through in upsets.

Patriots 30, Broncos 26.

Washington @ Seattle - Did you know that the Seahawks QB Matt Hasselbeck was 9, and Shawn Alexander was 7 years old when the Seahawks last won a playoff game, December 22nd 1984?

Joe Gibbs is a hard man to defeat in the playoffs as his 18-5 career record in the post season attests to. In fact, when you look at the alleged coaching geniuses like Vince Lombardi, Bill Walsh, Jimmy Johnson Bill Belichick and Chuck Knoll, you’ll see that they all had Hall of Fame or future Hall of Fame QBs in Bart Starr, Joe Montana, Troy Aikman, Tom Brady and Terry Bradshaw respectively to lead these dynasties. Gibbs won three Super Bowls with three different QBs none of them even remotely Hall of Fame calibre. It makes you respect the Redskins chances, even if they aren’t favoured. Call it the Joe Gibbs Factor. Of course, there’s only so much one man, even a saviour, can do. The Redskin offence will not likely be as anaemic as it was against the Bucs last week, simply because the Seahawks defence is nothing to tremble in fear from. The Bucs were the number one ranked defence and it showed. The Seahawks will surrender points, even to a nearly crippled and overly fatigued Redskin offence.

The Skins are banged up, have been hurtling down this same do-or-die homestretch for almost two months now and at some point, whilst the motivation will be there, the ability to achieve the goal will not be. The Seahawks are my least favourite team still alive in the playoffs but they will advance at home, where they haven’t lost all season.

Seahawks 23, Skins 17 – and let’s home we’re wrong about this one.

Longhorns Spear Leaky Trojans and a New National Champion Is Born



The Trojans’ vaunted offensive juggernaut had a chance to clinch a third consecutive National Championship when it was 4th and 2 in Texas territory with a little over two minutes remaining and a five point lead.

Granted they were lining up against an equally vaunted defensive Longhorns side but with two All American linemen, three probable Top Ten NFL draft picks and two Heisman Trophy winners on their side, you’d have thought Pete Carroll was correct to go for it rather than try and punt the Horns deep in their own territory and force Vince Young to make an Elwayesque comeback. But apparently, he wasn’t.

After all, you don’t want your defence to lose the game when you’ve got the Greatest Offence In The History of the Universe on your side.

For the all yards and TDs and accolades for his superhuman clutch performance of Heisman Trophy revenge, Vince Young would not have gotten on the field for a final shot if the defence hadn’t gotten the ball back for him by stopping the Trojans on that 4th and 2 moment.

It’s college football at it’s zenith.

******

So at the time of writing, Jets coach Herm Edwards is a hair away from jumping to the Kansas City Chiefs.

You can point out Herm’s record as the Jets head coach as not being really good and not being really harmful. You can say his offence was dull, his postseason clock management harmful. You can say that losing Pennington was a blow the Jets could recover from easily next season, even with Edwards. After all, even Parcells’ Jets career went off the rails when Testaverde went down.

I think when he’s gone, sorry to see him go but the Jets have to start planning for the immediate future – offensive or defensive minded coach? Seems simple enough given the contrast in talent from one side to the other. Think Al Groh can be lured away from the University of Virginia? How about inducing Mike Ditka out of retirement? Paging Mr John Madden.

The Jets management have a pretty shite history when it comes to coaches flying to the coop before the end of their contracts. Parcells, Bellichick, Groh and now Edwards. What other team has that many voluntary departures from their head coaches?

There aren’t really any proven successful commodities available out there at the moment. The names I read are coaches with experience but no massive successes and assistance with no experience. The college coaches plan is a joke – so few are successful it isn’t worth speculating. Remember when the Cardinals brought Bud Wilkerson out of like a 50 year long deep freeze from college football and reinvented him as a 95 year old NFL coach? Or how about Steve Spurrier proving with the Redskins that college football is his ceiling?

Steve Mariucci? Didn’t he lead the ruin of the 49ers? How much magic did he have in Detroit? The one name I haven’t heard too often but might be intriguing is Greg Williams, defensive head coach of the Redskins. Granted, he led the Bills through several years of obscurity so just because he’s a hot defensive coach right now doesn’t mean he can cut it as the gaffer.

Ah, if only we could bring Charlie Weiss over from Notre Dame.

But we can’t. Not bloody likely now that he’s the campus guru.

There isn’t much to get excited about. Jim Haslett? Wow, bang up job leading disaster relief but the Jets aren’t quite that bad off yet.

It’s too bad Herm Edwards is leaving. There really isn’t much better out there at the moment.

*****

The Results for the NFL Playoffs are in a few days early at Sports Amnesia. Our soothsayers have been hard at work conjuring visions of the following few weekends and here were the results:

NFC:


Carolina @ NY Giants – Two seasons ago the Panthers surprised everyone not only by making it to the Super Bowl, but making a game of it against the Patriots. Manning II will one day prove his postseason mettle but this is only his second season and for now, there are more misses than hits. Tiki Barber is not going to be able to carry an entire team against a defence as formidable as that of Carolina’s. About the only thing in the Giants favour is playing at home but unless there’s a blizzard, don’t count on that making enough difference. Final score, Panthers 24, Giants 21.


Washington @ Tampa Bay - The primary factor to consider in this is that it wasn’t all that long ago the Bucs stole a game from the Redskins under somewhat controversial circumstances. The Redskins are going to be looking for payback on that one and are wholly unconvinced that they aren’t the better team. This is a Joe Gibbs coached team, let us not forget and it looks like, after a lot of starts and studders, his Jesus magic is taking hold of the team once more. Final score, Redskins 20 Tampa Bay 14.

AFC:


Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati - Is it just me or does this look like a mismatch? This is an inexperienced Bengals side making their first foray into the postseason in years and their first opponent will be a bitter, physical and experienced Steelers team. The only thing the Bengals have going in their favour is Steelers coach Bill Cowher’s abysmal record coaching in the playoffs on the road. Still, I’m not sure playing in Cincinnati properly counts as on the road. Not when the Bengals run defence is simply not ready for the postseason. Final score, Steelers 28 Cincinnati 13.


Jacksonville @ New England - It would be the upset of the season if the Patriots don’t crush the Jags, simply put. Last season I made a meal out of picking against the Pats from the last few weeks of the season right on through to the Super Bowl. Silly me. So I’m trying reverse psychology this season – picking the Pats to win. The Pats may go down on the road against the Broncos or the Colts someday in the next month but it seems almost unfathomable that they will have clawed their way back to respectability only to lose at home in the first round against an offensively inadequate side like the Jags. Final score, Patriots 23 Jags 11

And let us not forget, when making massive wagers at your corner bookie’s, that it was Sports Amnesia who predicted in the back pages of obscurity, the score of the Rose Bowl as being Texas 36 USC 31.

So Long, San Diego



One of the worst ironies of the NFL season is going to be the San Diego Chargers beating arguably the two best teams in the NFL on the road yet still not making the playoffs. Not one for those screeching, preaching calls for reformation of the NFL postseason, I see more irony in the fact that although the Chargers were able to beat the Pats and Colts but lost AT HOME to the Dolphins. What it shows is that you can’t afford to have let downs in the NFL on any given Sunday. (or Saturday, or Thursday or Monday, as the case may be.) – now the Chargers have to rely on at least the Steelers losing to either against Cleveland or at Detroit.

The Colts perfect-season-ending loss to the Chargers at home proves that this isn’t 1972 after all and the postseason isn’t going to be a walk in the park. It’s going to be a fist fight in any alley.

The Pats still might have some magic left against the deer-in-the-headlights Colts and are on a roll. The Bengals wouldn’t pose much opposition, nor do the Steelers, at least not until they’ve confirmed a postseason slot. That leaves the Broncos who are likely to be upset in their first match considering the play of Jake of Late. Jacksonville are also there to be steamrolled, another sacrificial lamb like the Bengals. But the Pats, oh the Pats and the magical Tom Brady, the Einstein of Football, Belichick. The Pats are their schoolyard bully.

I hate to say this but the death in the family for Colts head coach Tony Dungy makes the Colts a virtual lock for the Super Bowl championship now. Inspiration is what drives team that hair’s whisper above their opponents.

This season is a good one to bring up the auld IntraConference playoff scheme whereby the regular season is shortened back to 14 games and the top ranked AFC team plays at home against the lowest-ranked NFC team out of the four division winners in each Conference. This would necessitate killing the wildcard scheme altogether – why should finishing lower than first in any division merit a postseason spot? Plus we wouldn’t need astrophysicists to explain the different tie-breaking scenarios.

There hasn’t been a Giants-Redskins game this important since the Gibbs-Parcells, LT v Jay Schroeder mismatch in the NFC Title Game in an artic and windy Giants Stadium almost a generation ago.

And let’s face it, the pasting the Giants gave the Redskins earlier this season was with the spirit of Mr Mara on their side as an inspirational momentum. It’s going to be a little different this time around but there’s still no guarantee that the Skins won’t self-destruct as they have already this season on the heels of a big victory.

I hope Joe Gibbs makes it to the playoffs this season and the only way that’s going to happen is if they beat the Giants 17-13 today. This may well be the highlight of the Danny Boy Franchise to date.



QB Rex, Mister Grossman returning the Bears adds an offensive element that makes the Bears a little more dangerous for the postseason. Kyle Orton, the poor man’s Ben Roethlisberger of 2005/06, wasn’t fooling anybody. Orton was like a struggling Cub pitcher on a wind-blown afternoon in Wrigley Field. Still, they’ve got to beat the Vikings in Minnesota to have any reasonable hope for a successful post season. Grossman’s xmas present this year is the starting job in Green Bay, Christmas Day. Not bad.

Reggie Bush. Reggie Bush. Am I the only one who finds it odd that the Heisman Trophy winner, the best college back in the country, has the same surname as the President of the United States, the former President of the United States and the Governor of Florida?

Or, worse still, an NFL team with a “Saints” nickname, gets nearly wiped off the map by Mother Nature, Act of God, Hand of Maradona? I mean, it might seem appropriate for a team called The Jets to have fallen apart after planes flew into the WTC, even if their “home” games were played in New Jersey former swamplands.

*****

College Bowl games appear meaningless by nature. Sure, you’ve got the massive Rose Bowl this season, a potential 1972 Nebraska-Oklahoma sort of showdown without the in-bred rivalry, but you’ve also got well over a dozen bowl games that have nothing to do with anything, like Fort Worth Bowl featuring Houston (6-5) v. Kansas (6-5). The Dreaded Motor City Bowl death match of Akron (7-5) at Memphis (6-5), to name but a few of the guilty parties.

*****

For a baseball update, Archie Bunker's Army fawns in a pre-dawn Christmas Eve, over the offseason moves of Omar the Magician.

*****

Here in England, we’ve seen the heroes of the historic cricket victory of the summer get pasted in Pakistan, the national rugby side fall into a seemingly irreparable tail spin, winning the right to host the Olympics in London only to suffer a terrorist attack shortly thereafter, and the national football team provide us with enough hope to harbour delusions of a World Cup title this July in Germany.

Manchester United, the New York Yankees of the English Premier League, have finally eclipsed those same Yankees for highest average number of franchise melodramas per week, All-Time. Between injuries, the always-controversial Rio Ferdinand, Roy Keane’s infamous public aneurism over the play of teammates and the coaching ability of subcommandante Carlos, routed out of the Champions League in a humiliating display best characterised by the King Of The Useless Stepovers, who gave the bird to his countrymen on exiting, rather than the more English two-fingers, which is cooler anyway.

I don’t know of any manager since say, Billy Martin, to have been as off the rails as Jose Mourinho for Chelsea. Every professional sport needs a Jose Mourinho-type as one of its managers/coaches. Dapper yet controversial. Highly successful. He’s everything rolled into one.

Still, Newcastle’s my team and now that they’re on the tiniest and most fragile rolls only weeks after Souness was nearly in the hangman’s noose, it’s still safe to say there’s nothing quite as interesting as a Souness facial expression. He looks like he could kick the chair out from underneath himself at any moment. Those post-match interviews are demonstrations of exquisite pain in a man whose inner suffering is worn like a day glow armband on his sleeve.

The Boxing Day match against Liverpool at Anfield, Michael Owen’s homecoming, will be the highlight of the Newcastle season to date if Owen has his way. That’s no easy thing to do against a Liverpool defence that is virtually impenetrable but Owen is arguably England’s best goal scoring machine and if anyone could find a way to do it, it’d be an emotionally high Michael Owen playing at Anfield for the first time since he left.

*****

Happy Christmas, readers.

Snow And The NFL Playoff Runs



I can't get enough of these images, snow starved as I am in England.

Believe it or not, even that disasterous Seahawks/Eagles debaucherie kept me watching simply for the flakes.

Gawd how I miss them:



And yea, it probably wasn't just Chicago and Pittsburgh but if two teams are synonymous with smash-mouth football and snow and cold, Da Bears and Da Steelers would be near the top.

Nevermind that the Steelers let the Bears marvelous winning streak tumble and fall. After all, Joe Orton is the Roethlisberger of 2006, low-talent, win-streak-totin rookie QB wondering where it all went right.

All yesterday proved, along with the fatality of the Carolina Panthers to the Tampa Bucs at home, is that there is one team, one favourite, one meeting scheduled with destiny and that would be the 13-0 Colts who now must try and avoid not only losing any of the last three games but any of the games in the post-season thereafter lest they cruise through an undefeated regular season only to choke on it hosting the Pats or the Broncos or something equally absurd.


Any chance Manning and the Colts will fall prey to the what-have-you-done-for-me-lately swoon?

Guessing here they run the gauntlet. Too late for any other outcome.

And let's face it - there really isn't any quality competition out there anymore. Certainly not from the NFC - Giants, Panthers and Bears, oh my? Of course, with such a fantastic record, the dreaded Seahawks might just make it all the way but here's hoping they don't. Seattle is too dreary, too much of a non-football culture with a fat,boring coach and a lousy NFL QB, albeit one of the better running backs in the league.



What we are left with is what is likely to be a rather anti-climactic outcome by season's end, a brilliant and historical run by the Colts but about as exciting as the Dolphins methodical culmination to their own 1972 run was to watch.

*****DRAW*****



Certainly England are happy.

However, the United States, Italy, Czech Republic, Argentina, Holland, Cote D'Ivoire and Ghana are not.

Spain and France were practically handed a spot in the quarterfinals. Here's to hoping they don't make it out of their own groups!

More insightful analysis to come, haha.