Everyone Is Doing It: So Shall I
Since tis the season, etc., predictions, baseball in the air (well, not here, on the Channel coast) but in other places, surely, here are the Official 2004 Sports Amnesia Baseball Predictions and the Governing Logic behind them:
AL East: Boston, NYY, Toronto, Tampa Bay, Baltimore:
Yes, the Red Sox-Yankee hatred is incubating nicely. But I agree with the lads at East Coast Agony. This shouldn't be of concern to the casual Tiger or the wallowing Royal. This rivalry is about two primary East Coast cities. As usual, in situations where the outcome is uncertain or too close to gauge, I rely upon the arbitrary logic to see me through. I can't just pick the Sox because I hate the Yankees. Well, I could, but what wouldn't be entirely accurate any more. Over the last season, I've developed a pleasant disgust for Red Sox fans as well. Too many of them appear to be right wing zealots mouthing Irish Catholic Conservative vitriol in addition to their anti-Yankee bonbons. Pedro spends more time whining than pitching and fails every time in the clutch against the Yankees. Manny Ramirez is a punk. The only thing I like about the Red Sox is Curt Schilling. The Sox lost the battle for A-Rod, but all hitting aside, the Yankees rotation and the Yankees bullpen and the Yankees age will prove to be their Achilles Heels. I'd take Toronto for second but for the fact that they haven't got a Steinbrenner and a trillion dollar cable tv rights contract that will allow them to buy up the remaining All Stars left standing once the Yankees are done pissing and spitting, is a severe disadvantage. Plus Toronto sucks as a city and frankly, only one Canadian team a year deserves the post season. Sox get the nod even though they didn't get the Rod.
AL Central: Chicago WhiteSox, Kansas City, Minnesota, Cleveland, Detroit
You can listen all you want to the tales of Minnesota's farm system, the one that churns out clutch postseason players like Celine Dion churns out stomach-turning songs, but their losses were too heavy this offseason to just grin and bear and yank another young lad up to the stage by the earlobe. Besides, haven't you heard? The White Sox are warning of a mystery man and have already traded for Timo Perez. Fat Frank Thomas, underachieving Paul Konerko and dissatisfied Magglio Ordonez make up quite a team of malcontents. But look, KC can't surprise anyone this season and I-Rod is dumb enough to leave a World Champion for the dustbin. There's no one left. White Sox by default.
AL West: Oakland A's, Anaheim Angels, Seattle Mariners, Texas
Let's get this straight. Seattle will never win anything because they chokechokechoke. Every year. You can look it up. Secondly, the Angels with their hiphop hispanic makeover and the Latino Quarter in the ownership bin are not going anywhere but into the aisles of disappointment. No team spends trillions on free agency and wins. Apparently, the new ownership missed that fact. Oakland has the pitching and we all know how much Sports Amnesia loves the pitching. Oh, and you can be sure that Texas isn't going anywhere until Buck Showalter is fired because no team that Buck Showalter manages ever wins a championship until after he leaves the building.
WC: NY Yankees
Law of averages. You can't spend a trillion dollars and not win something.
NL East: Montreal, Atlanta, NY Mets, Philadelphia, Florida
Montreal are my 2004 Team From Nowhere. Last year it was Florida, the year before, it was Anaheim. This year it will be the Expos. Why? Because the NL East is the weakest division in MLB and is totally up for grabs. Momentum will build up and who knows, if we're all lucky, there will be another Selig-manufactured debacle of catostrophic importance, like the World Series being played in Hiram Boca Stadium, or whatever the fuck that minor league stadium in Puerto Rico where a team from Canada plays most of their home games is called. If a French Canadian team playing in a Spanish-speaking islet isn't the recipe for success in MLB's idiotic hierarchy these days, than I don't know what is. Phuck Philly. They aren't going anywhere with a rabid rodent like Larry Bowa at the helm. Millwood will suck this year. The bullpen will suck and no one will be around to back up Jim Thome. Atlanta? A distant memory. Florida? They've got Armandogeddon closing, enough said. My Mets? A whiplash accident waiting to happen. The Expos are my Shadow Team of 2004.
NL Central: Chicago, Houston, St Louis, Cincinnati, Milwaukee, Pittsburgh
Yeah, this is real hard. A team with one of the best managers in baseball, best pitching staff and a long legacy of losing against a team from Texas which has tried to buy its way into competition by hiring half the Yankees starting rotation. Roger Clemens sucks and I look forward to seeing him gathering dust on the DL alongside his shipmate and possible between the lines lover, Andy Pettitte. The only team with an outside shot of topping the Cubs are the Reds and that's only if Junior hits 75 homeruns because I'm so tired of hearing how Junior is back juxtaposed with all the Junior for Who trade speculation. Any division with Milwaukee and Pittsburgh deserves their obscurity.
NL West: Arizona, San Fran, SD, LA
Wow, a tossup, isn't it, between a bunch of teams that suck. Sounds disturbingly similar to the NL East without Bonds and without Randy Johnson. That is what this season comes down to: Who has a better season, Randy Johnson, or Barry Bonds. The Dodgers have no hitting and their pitching is rapidly waning. SD is well, SD. No amount of splashy free agent retread signings are going to change that. Without steroids, Bonds is going to get hurt more often meaning the Giants will have to win without him, which they can't. Advantage, Arizona.
WC: Atlanta: The logic behind this is that now that they have no one, they might actually overachieve instead of underachieve when the games actually mean something.
ALCS: White Sox over Oakland: I've just got a feeling about the White Sox. Nausea. But, frankly, the Red Sox can't stop second guessing themselves and the Yankees aren't going anywhere without a shopping cart. I give the nod to the White Sox because the Yankees will still be jet-lagged by Japan. Pobre Oakland. All those arms and no titles. Beaneball, Scummyball, fuck em all.
NLCS: Montreal over Chicago Cubs: How about a redux of last year's last minute collapse? Even though it is the year of the Cubs, the truth of the matter is, the Expos will be playing without a curse hovering over them.
AL MVP: Eric Chavez, Oakland
NL MVP: Randy Johnson, Arizona
AL Cy Young: Curt Schilling, Boston
NL Cy Young: Randy Johnson, Chicago Cubs
WORLD SERIES:
Montreal Expos over Chicago White Sox: Just another Seligful moment in a brief hysterectomy of time.
*****
Adu to Make Debut next Saturday, perhaps opening American eyes to football.
Saturday, March 27, 2004
I'm Tired and I Need Some Sushi
Hula Howe removed Kaz Matsui after four innings and will give his shortstop a day off Saturday. "He's worked so hard that he's physically tired," Howe said. Matsui will not travel with the team to Orlando.
Matsui, who played 1,143 straight games in Japan, said he is "very grateful" for the day off. He went 0-for-2 Friday and is 10-for-53 (.189) in spring training. "A little fatigue has built up," he said. "I'm a little tired, yes."
Jesus Christ on a pogo stick! He's tired after a few weeks of Spring Training?!? Half of which was spent on the DL??? What's he going to be like in June, retired? Bad Omen Number 200.
At least someone still appreciates Bobby V. The folks in Japan have even built a shrine for him.
Most Optimistic of Opening Day Lineups:
Cameron CF .366-3-8 with 3 SBs
Matsui SS .196-1-5 with 1 SB
Reyes 2B .320-0-3 with 1 SB
Piazza C .364-4-16
Floyd LF .333-1-6
Wiggy 3B .306-2-6 with 3 SBs
Phillips 1B .260-3-6
R Gonzo RF .292-5-8
Pitcher:
Glavine 0-2 1.50
Leiter 1-0 5.00
Trachsel 1-0 2.00
Seo 0-1 6.75
Yates 3-0 0.64
Pen
O Moreno 15 inn 0.60 2 bb 12 k
Wheeler 11.2 0.77 1 bb 12 k
Weathers 11 2.45 3 bb 12 k
Bottalico 9.1 0.96 1 bb 4 k
Franco 9.1 1.93 2 bb 14 k
Stanton 8.0 7.88 3 bb 4 k
CLOSER/LOSER
Looper 8.0 7.88 0 bb 6 k
*****
Analysis: Injuries are the biggest factor on a team with two players with bone spurs, one perennially hamstrung superstar, a "tired" Japanese import and an aging catcher coming off a major injury. This does not address the upper 30's starting rotation which will break down repeatedly, the lack of real depth beyond them and a possibly horrific closer.
*****
NL East Predictions:
Montreal
Atlanta
Philly
Florida
Mets
Hula Howe removed Kaz Matsui after four innings and will give his shortstop a day off Saturday. "He's worked so hard that he's physically tired," Howe said. Matsui will not travel with the team to Orlando.
Matsui, who played 1,143 straight games in Japan, said he is "very grateful" for the day off. He went 0-for-2 Friday and is 10-for-53 (.189) in spring training. "A little fatigue has built up," he said. "I'm a little tired, yes."
Jesus Christ on a pogo stick! He's tired after a few weeks of Spring Training?!? Half of which was spent on the DL??? What's he going to be like in June, retired? Bad Omen Number 200.
At least someone still appreciates Bobby V. The folks in Japan have even built a shrine for him.
Most Optimistic of Opening Day Lineups:
Cameron CF .366-3-8 with 3 SBs
Matsui SS .196-1-5 with 1 SB
Reyes 2B .320-0-3 with 1 SB
Piazza C .364-4-16
Floyd LF .333-1-6
Wiggy 3B .306-2-6 with 3 SBs
Phillips 1B .260-3-6
R Gonzo RF .292-5-8
Pitcher:
Glavine 0-2 1.50
Leiter 1-0 5.00
Trachsel 1-0 2.00
Seo 0-1 6.75
Yates 3-0 0.64
Pen
O Moreno 15 inn 0.60 2 bb 12 k
Wheeler 11.2 0.77 1 bb 12 k
Weathers 11 2.45 3 bb 12 k
Bottalico 9.1 0.96 1 bb 4 k
Franco 9.1 1.93 2 bb 14 k
Stanton 8.0 7.88 3 bb 4 k
CLOSER/LOSER
Looper 8.0 7.88 0 bb 6 k
*****
Analysis: Injuries are the biggest factor on a team with two players with bone spurs, one perennially hamstrung superstar, a "tired" Japanese import and an aging catcher coming off a major injury. This does not address the upper 30's starting rotation which will break down repeatedly, the lack of real depth beyond them and a possibly horrific closer.
*****
NL East Predictions:
Montreal
Atlanta
Philly
Florida
Mets
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Whipping Boys
For those of you who think the RF slot in Shea is cemented, you might be curious to note that Sports Amnesia's 2004 whipping boy, Roger Cedeno Is Up For Grabs.
"He's played left, center and right fields, and all of them equally horrendously," the ad reads. ". . . He used to be quite fast, but as he's gotten older and somewhat fatter on his contract, even that last vestige of value has left him. He cannot run the bases, he cannot play defense, he cannot hit for average."
And yes, on the second day in a row that Wonderkind Reyes was able to take batting practice without hurting himself or his delicately girlish gams, hundred year old hurler, Al Leiter discovered a cranky shoulder.
I see a consistent theme developing for the season and it spells out M-E-T-S I-N L-A-S-T P-L-A-C-E.
The one redeeming factor of yet another disppointing Mets season of losses and excuses is that it will hopefully result in the dismissal of Hula Howe. I've done some research on the matter and there does not appear to be a Fire Art Howe website yet. Sounds like a need crying out. Sports Amnesia will work on this and give a solution tomorrow.
Speaking of whipping boys, Sports Amnesia's Whipping Boy of 2003, Armandogeddon, for no apparent reason, was booed by his own fans when he entered for the ninth inning Thursday. "He got the same reception as last year," Mets general manager Jim Duquette said. "Too bad for him." Boo Hoo Benitez, who entered with the score tied at 1, got Danny Garcia on a pop-up to preserve the tie (the game was stopped after 11 innings with the score still tied at 1). It was the first time Benitez faced his former club since he was traded to the Yankees last season. "It's in the past, man," Benitez said. "I've got a new team, a new life. I'll be fine." . . . . Unless the Marlins have to play in any meaningful games this season they aren't already winning by twenty runs, that is.
*****
We are getting perilously close to the start of the season. The Yankees have already left for the confounding cultural differences of Japan. Even though he heartily endorsed the trip, King George is not following his minions to Japan. Of course, that could be for his fear of a terrorist attack on the Yankees. Police escorts will usher the Yankees everywhere. Black Hawk helicopters will wing the team to Camp Zoma, for a meet-and-greet with American soldiers.
Meanwhile, can anyone resist the poetic (in)justice of A-Rod Getting Hurt Against the Red Sox?
*****
Wouldn't this make for a great Game Seven of the 2004 World Series?
Cubs 2, A's 1 with Sammy Sosa getting three hits and driving in the go-ahead run and Kerry Wood allowing a run in 6 1-3 innings? In the real world, the Cubs confirmed that P Mark Prior will start the season on the DL. He is expected to be able to return during the team's first homestand, which is from April 12-19.
*****
A few days ago I mocked the Padres' chances this season because they noted that this season's likely number one draft pick was better than anyone they currently had in their rotation. Long Beach State's Jered Weaver, the man they were on about, was at it again last night, striking out 16 in six innings.
*****
Food for Thought: The Mets aren't willing to give up a pitcher who may or may not be good in a few years for what could be the Superstar of their lineup, Alfonso Soriano. Yesterday, Soriano homered to beat the Royals and has already had a 12 game hitting streak in Spring Training. He is currently hitting .347 with 4 stolen bases and a homer in 15 games.
*****
Bookmarks Revealed: Yeah, it might be a little late in the game but there once was a nice petition for Mets owner Freddy BoomBoom Wilpon to sign Vlad courtesy of East Coast Agony.
For those of you who think the RF slot in Shea is cemented, you might be curious to note that Sports Amnesia's 2004 whipping boy, Roger Cedeno Is Up For Grabs.
"He's played left, center and right fields, and all of them equally horrendously," the ad reads. ". . . He used to be quite fast, but as he's gotten older and somewhat fatter on his contract, even that last vestige of value has left him. He cannot run the bases, he cannot play defense, he cannot hit for average."
And yes, on the second day in a row that Wonderkind Reyes was able to take batting practice without hurting himself or his delicately girlish gams, hundred year old hurler, Al Leiter discovered a cranky shoulder.
I see a consistent theme developing for the season and it spells out M-E-T-S I-N L-A-S-T P-L-A-C-E.
The one redeeming factor of yet another disppointing Mets season of losses and excuses is that it will hopefully result in the dismissal of Hula Howe. I've done some research on the matter and there does not appear to be a Fire Art Howe website yet. Sounds like a need crying out. Sports Amnesia will work on this and give a solution tomorrow.
Speaking of whipping boys, Sports Amnesia's Whipping Boy of 2003, Armandogeddon, for no apparent reason, was booed by his own fans when he entered for the ninth inning Thursday. "He got the same reception as last year," Mets general manager Jim Duquette said. "Too bad for him." Boo Hoo Benitez, who entered with the score tied at 1, got Danny Garcia on a pop-up to preserve the tie (the game was stopped after 11 innings with the score still tied at 1). It was the first time Benitez faced his former club since he was traded to the Yankees last season. "It's in the past, man," Benitez said. "I've got a new team, a new life. I'll be fine." . . . . Unless the Marlins have to play in any meaningful games this season they aren't already winning by twenty runs, that is.
*****
We are getting perilously close to the start of the season. The Yankees have already left for the confounding cultural differences of Japan. Even though he heartily endorsed the trip, King George is not following his minions to Japan. Of course, that could be for his fear of a terrorist attack on the Yankees. Police escorts will usher the Yankees everywhere. Black Hawk helicopters will wing the team to Camp Zoma, for a meet-and-greet with American soldiers.
Meanwhile, can anyone resist the poetic (in)justice of A-Rod Getting Hurt Against the Red Sox?
*****
Wouldn't this make for a great Game Seven of the 2004 World Series?
Cubs 2, A's 1 with Sammy Sosa getting three hits and driving in the go-ahead run and Kerry Wood allowing a run in 6 1-3 innings? In the real world, the Cubs confirmed that P Mark Prior will start the season on the DL. He is expected to be able to return during the team's first homestand, which is from April 12-19.
*****
A few days ago I mocked the Padres' chances this season because they noted that this season's likely number one draft pick was better than anyone they currently had in their rotation. Long Beach State's Jered Weaver, the man they were on about, was at it again last night, striking out 16 in six innings.
*****
Food for Thought: The Mets aren't willing to give up a pitcher who may or may not be good in a few years for what could be the Superstar of their lineup, Alfonso Soriano. Yesterday, Soriano homered to beat the Royals and has already had a 12 game hitting streak in Spring Training. He is currently hitting .347 with 4 stolen bases and a homer in 15 games.
*****
Bookmarks Revealed: Yeah, it might be a little late in the game but there once was a nice petition for Mets owner Freddy BoomBoom Wilpon to sign Vlad courtesy of East Coast Agony.
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Where the Fuck Are You Now, Bruce Chen, Bruce Chen?
I know it's probably not important but I couldn't help but a small brain stutter when I read that he Blue Jays sent P Bruce Chen to the minors and wonder when and how he ever got Toronto-way to begin with. Then I started wondering how many teams he's been on lately, where has he wandered?
Panama City Bruce Chen has been with Atlanta, Philly, the Mets, Philly, Cincinnati, Montreal, Mets again, Boston, Houston, and now Toronto and now the minor leagues -- all in a mere five years of playing!!!
Settle down, Bruce. For crissakes. Your parents are looking for you.
*****
Next time I think I've found a cool baseball name, I'm going to remember that the Padres just sent down Tagg Bozied and I'm going to wait for him to make it back up to San Diego so he can be my favourite player after Florida's Hee Seop Choi, who we all hope has recovered from the nasty head injury he suffered at the hands of Kerry Wood against the Yankees last season after a particularly nasty and exciting collision.
*****
Bookmarks revealed: The Brushback, tops in absurdist sports news.
*****
Mets Update: The Mets' spring training complex was deserted yesterday except for a handful of minor-leaguers, a few front- office members and No. 1 starter Tom Glavine. An off day is not an off day if it happens to be your turn in the rotation, and Glavine suited up for an impromptu simulated game on the facility's only artificial turf field. He pitched six innings without incident and then could enjoy the rest of the afternoon, comfortable in the knowledge that he remains on track for Opening Day.
Lovely. How many runs will he surrender this opening day? A dozen? Half dozen?
Oh yeah, and whilst we're on about the crap rotation of the Mets, wunderkind Grant Roberts was rocked like a baby's cradle against the bloody Expos, my odds-on favourite to win the NL East this season.
And hey, if you like your Spring to be eternally hopeful, you can read about how the Human Hammy, Jose Reyes just might be back in time to injure himself again for Opening Day. Oh joy.
"But once he passes that exam, Reyes should be able to get back into the lineup, where he hopes to play his first game with shortstop Kazuo Matsui, unless the string of bad luck continues and Matsui reinjures his right middle finger."
Right. Unless Unless Unless.
Unless UnMets.
Aren't they supposed to wait until April before Futility Rears Its Ugly Head?
I know it's probably not important but I couldn't help but a small brain stutter when I read that he Blue Jays sent P Bruce Chen to the minors and wonder when and how he ever got Toronto-way to begin with. Then I started wondering how many teams he's been on lately, where has he wandered?
Panama City Bruce Chen has been with Atlanta, Philly, the Mets, Philly, Cincinnati, Montreal, Mets again, Boston, Houston, and now Toronto and now the minor leagues -- all in a mere five years of playing!!!
Settle down, Bruce. For crissakes. Your parents are looking for you.
*****
Next time I think I've found a cool baseball name, I'm going to remember that the Padres just sent down Tagg Bozied and I'm going to wait for him to make it back up to San Diego so he can be my favourite player after Florida's Hee Seop Choi, who we all hope has recovered from the nasty head injury he suffered at the hands of Kerry Wood against the Yankees last season after a particularly nasty and exciting collision.
*****
Bookmarks revealed: The Brushback, tops in absurdist sports news.
*****
Mets Update: The Mets' spring training complex was deserted yesterday except for a handful of minor-leaguers, a few front- office members and No. 1 starter Tom Glavine. An off day is not an off day if it happens to be your turn in the rotation, and Glavine suited up for an impromptu simulated game on the facility's only artificial turf field. He pitched six innings without incident and then could enjoy the rest of the afternoon, comfortable in the knowledge that he remains on track for Opening Day.
Lovely. How many runs will he surrender this opening day? A dozen? Half dozen?
Oh yeah, and whilst we're on about the crap rotation of the Mets, wunderkind Grant Roberts was rocked like a baby's cradle against the bloody Expos, my odds-on favourite to win the NL East this season.
And hey, if you like your Spring to be eternally hopeful, you can read about how the Human Hammy, Jose Reyes just might be back in time to injure himself again for Opening Day. Oh joy.
"But once he passes that exam, Reyes should be able to get back into the lineup, where he hopes to play his first game with shortstop Kazuo Matsui, unless the string of bad luck continues and Matsui reinjures his right middle finger."
Right. Unless Unless Unless.
Unless UnMets.
Aren't they supposed to wait until April before Futility Rears Its Ugly Head?
Monday, March 22, 2004
Training My Spring
Couldn't resist a little Peter Gammons reviewing the AL West since I've not read anything else and have fallen behind all of Spring Training save for knowing the Red Sox and Yankees both have injury troubles that could tip them over the edge before the season even starts. So Gammons says, AL West could be the site of the Wildcard. Intriguing except you know the Mariners are never going to amount to anything when they can't stop choking down the stretch and frankly, there's something ridiculous about the Angels making it again.
I'd go with the A's because of pitching. I wouldn't go with the Angels for even the Wildcard. Frankly, I'd like to see the Wildcard come out of the AL Central. White Sox and Royals? White Sox and Cubs World Series.
Right.
Here's how you know the Padres won't make it anywhere this year:
If the draft were held tomorrow, Jared Weaver would be the Padres' pick at No. 1. "He's as good as what we have," says one San Diego official. -- if he's as good as what they have and he's never pitched in the Major Leagues before, well, you do the math. PADRES ELIMINATED ALREADY.
Also notable: Gammons points out: "Just for some perspective on the meaning of won-loss records in spring training, the Marlins were 14-16 last spring, and the last five world champions were a combined 77-84 in the springs they won. Of course over the last five years the Yankees have two world championships, four pennants and five divisional titles, and have a combined spring training record of 71-86."
But AHA! How many teams with winning records in Spring Training went on to win the world series? Well, I had a quick search and found that there was a column on ESPN last March about this:
To get a sense of how well spring training records predict regular season success, we'll look at all spring training records back to 1996 (stopping there before we got to the severely abbreviated spring training of 1995). Let's look first at the very best spring teams.
Does a great spring mean a great regular season? Here are the 15 top spring records since 1996, along with records in the subsequent regular season:
Spring Training Reg Season
Team Year W L Pct W L Pct
Florida 1997 26 5 .839 92 70 .568
Boston 1998 20 8 .714 92 70 .568
Kansas City 1999 22 9 .710 64 97 .398
Los Angeles 1999 21 9 .700 77 85 .475
Baltimore 2002 20 9 .690 67 95 .414
Oakland 2001 22 10 .688 102 60 .630
Arizona 1999 22 10 .688 100 62 .617
Houston 2002 19 9 .679 84 78 .519
Texas 1998 21 10 .677 88 74 .543
California 1996 21 10 .677 70 91 .435
Baltimore 1998 18 9 .667 79 83 .488
Detroit 1996 20 10 .667 53 109 .327
Arizona 2002 23 12 .657 98 64 .605
St. Louis 1997 21 11 .656 73 89 .451
San Diego 1998 19 10 .655 98 64 .605
TOTALS 315 141 .691 1237 1191 .509
There isn't much reason to believe in spring training records here. Seven of these 15 March Monsters finished below .500 in the regular season. There are some outstanding teams on this list, but there are some truly awful teams too. In particular, notice the great spring put together by the 1996 Detroit Tigers. After they left Florida, they turned out to be the very worst major league team since the '60s.
*****
A look back at the Spring Training Yankees in 1951
Thanks Babe details Ruthian Spring Trainings:
"He was known as a tireless sexual athlete. One night, according to an often-told story that may not be true, but probably should be, Ruth brought a woman into the hotel suite he shared with the outfielder Bob Meusel. Meusel, half-asleep in his own room, tried to ignore the great commotion coming from Babe's room. Finally it stopped. Then Meusel smelled cigar smoke. Minutes later, the yells and cries returned, followed minutes later by more cigar smoke. Between noise and cigar smoke, Meusel slept badly that night.
In the morning, Meusel asked his roommate how many times he had been romantic.
"Count the cigars," Ruth said.
Seven butts lay in the ash tray."
*****
Bookmarks Revealed: a great new baseball site: The Hardball Times
*****
Hey, what about ESPN's Ten Players Most Likely To Be Moved piece?
The Rangers reportedly would trade Alfonso Soriano to the Mets for Scott Kazmir, but New York is reluctant to part with its prized pitching prospect. No secret there. But at least they're down from asking for Reyes. Frankly, Soriano is a proven commodity. Kazmir, to date, isn't. I'm not so enamoured with prospects, these can't miss numbers, especially when they're pitchers. I remember when the Mets traded (careful, this is a PDF link) Octavio Dotel, etc for what in essence amounted to Mike Hampton -- and at the time everyone was whining and worrying because Dotel had so much potential. He was going to be a starter, an ace, better than Hampton's wet dreams. Sure, he's a good pitcher but let's say the Mets had been able to resign Hampton -- it'd have been a better deal overall. Dotel has been with the Astros since 2000 as a nice set-up guy and now he's an unproven closer, FOUR YEARS LATER.
For my money, I'd trade Kazmir, take the chance and add Soriano. Not that it matters anyway with Reyes always out hurt, two thirds of the outfield nursing bone spurs in their lower extremities which could sideline for the season at any minute and Piazza remaining a liability at the plate.
I'd package Piazza off to the AL whilst he still has some potential. Mariners? Red Sox? Yankees? He'd make a lovely DH for the right team and maybe the Mets could get another arm to fill in their LOSER ROTATION for this up and coming season.
*****
And finally, more good news: Newcastle boss Sir Bobby Robson has revealed he may remain at St James' Park after his current contract finishes at the end of next season.
Couldn't resist a little Peter Gammons reviewing the AL West since I've not read anything else and have fallen behind all of Spring Training save for knowing the Red Sox and Yankees both have injury troubles that could tip them over the edge before the season even starts. So Gammons says, AL West could be the site of the Wildcard. Intriguing except you know the Mariners are never going to amount to anything when they can't stop choking down the stretch and frankly, there's something ridiculous about the Angels making it again.
I'd go with the A's because of pitching. I wouldn't go with the Angels for even the Wildcard. Frankly, I'd like to see the Wildcard come out of the AL Central. White Sox and Royals? White Sox and Cubs World Series.
Right.
Here's how you know the Padres won't make it anywhere this year:
If the draft were held tomorrow, Jared Weaver would be the Padres' pick at No. 1. "He's as good as what we have," says one San Diego official. -- if he's as good as what they have and he's never pitched in the Major Leagues before, well, you do the math. PADRES ELIMINATED ALREADY.
Also notable: Gammons points out: "Just for some perspective on the meaning of won-loss records in spring training, the Marlins were 14-16 last spring, and the last five world champions were a combined 77-84 in the springs they won. Of course over the last five years the Yankees have two world championships, four pennants and five divisional titles, and have a combined spring training record of 71-86."
But AHA! How many teams with winning records in Spring Training went on to win the world series? Well, I had a quick search and found that there was a column on ESPN last March about this:
To get a sense of how well spring training records predict regular season success, we'll look at all spring training records back to 1996 (stopping there before we got to the severely abbreviated spring training of 1995). Let's look first at the very best spring teams.
Does a great spring mean a great regular season? Here are the 15 top spring records since 1996, along with records in the subsequent regular season:
Spring Training Reg Season
Team Year W L Pct W L Pct
Florida 1997 26 5 .839 92 70 .568
Boston 1998 20 8 .714 92 70 .568
Kansas City 1999 22 9 .710 64 97 .398
Los Angeles 1999 21 9 .700 77 85 .475
Baltimore 2002 20 9 .690 67 95 .414
Oakland 2001 22 10 .688 102 60 .630
Arizona 1999 22 10 .688 100 62 .617
Houston 2002 19 9 .679 84 78 .519
Texas 1998 21 10 .677 88 74 .543
California 1996 21 10 .677 70 91 .435
Baltimore 1998 18 9 .667 79 83 .488
Detroit 1996 20 10 .667 53 109 .327
Arizona 2002 23 12 .657 98 64 .605
St. Louis 1997 21 11 .656 73 89 .451
San Diego 1998 19 10 .655 98 64 .605
TOTALS 315 141 .691 1237 1191 .509
There isn't much reason to believe in spring training records here. Seven of these 15 March Monsters finished below .500 in the regular season. There are some outstanding teams on this list, but there are some truly awful teams too. In particular, notice the great spring put together by the 1996 Detroit Tigers. After they left Florida, they turned out to be the very worst major league team since the '60s.
*****
A look back at the Spring Training Yankees in 1951
Thanks Babe details Ruthian Spring Trainings:
"He was known as a tireless sexual athlete. One night, according to an often-told story that may not be true, but probably should be, Ruth brought a woman into the hotel suite he shared with the outfielder Bob Meusel. Meusel, half-asleep in his own room, tried to ignore the great commotion coming from Babe's room. Finally it stopped. Then Meusel smelled cigar smoke. Minutes later, the yells and cries returned, followed minutes later by more cigar smoke. Between noise and cigar smoke, Meusel slept badly that night.
In the morning, Meusel asked his roommate how many times he had been romantic.
"Count the cigars," Ruth said.
Seven butts lay in the ash tray."
*****
Bookmarks Revealed: a great new baseball site: The Hardball Times
*****
Hey, what about ESPN's Ten Players Most Likely To Be Moved piece?
The Rangers reportedly would trade Alfonso Soriano to the Mets for Scott Kazmir, but New York is reluctant to part with its prized pitching prospect. No secret there. But at least they're down from asking for Reyes. Frankly, Soriano is a proven commodity. Kazmir, to date, isn't. I'm not so enamoured with prospects, these can't miss numbers, especially when they're pitchers. I remember when the Mets traded (careful, this is a PDF link) Octavio Dotel, etc for what in essence amounted to Mike Hampton -- and at the time everyone was whining and worrying because Dotel had so much potential. He was going to be a starter, an ace, better than Hampton's wet dreams. Sure, he's a good pitcher but let's say the Mets had been able to resign Hampton -- it'd have been a better deal overall. Dotel has been with the Astros since 2000 as a nice set-up guy and now he's an unproven closer, FOUR YEARS LATER.
For my money, I'd trade Kazmir, take the chance and add Soriano. Not that it matters anyway with Reyes always out hurt, two thirds of the outfield nursing bone spurs in their lower extremities which could sideline for the season at any minute and Piazza remaining a liability at the plate.
I'd package Piazza off to the AL whilst he still has some potential. Mariners? Red Sox? Yankees? He'd make a lovely DH for the right team and maybe the Mets could get another arm to fill in their LOSER ROTATION for this up and coming season.
*****
And finally, more good news: Newcastle boss Sir Bobby Robson has revealed he may remain at St James' Park after his current contract finishes at the end of next season.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
What A Shocker! Reyes Has A Bitchy Hammy!
In what should come as a suprise to no one who has followed his brief career to date, superstar in the making (if he ever strings together a complete month of play without injury) Jose Reyes has hurt his hamstring yet again.
This makes about the fifth time in a year that Reyes has been injured and each of those injuries have been either leg or foot related. Get some new wheels, dude!
On the other hand, the typically slothful and slow to the take idiots running the Mets are only now muttering about specialising Reyes' training to cater to his fragile little legs and feet. Like a bird, he is, this Reyes.
Yet another sign of the season to come -- Cameron and Floyd already whinging about bone spurs, Piazza clueless at first and enemic behind the plate, no pitching staff to speak of, and well, Art Howe remains as manager. "I don't want to lose sleep on this just yet" Howe says. Good for Howe. Don't lose sleep. It's only your fucking job at stake!
*****
In case you were wondering, my final four picks for the NCAA tourney, of three separate sheets:
My first bracket has: Michigan St, Wisconsin, Duke and Syracuse, with Duke winning it all.
Bracket two has: Kentucky, Pitt, Duke and UConn with Kentucky winning it all.
My Absurdist Bracket three has: Gonzaga, St Joes, Mississippi St and UConn with Miss St. winning it all.
In what should come as a suprise to no one who has followed his brief career to date, superstar in the making (if he ever strings together a complete month of play without injury) Jose Reyes has hurt his hamstring yet again.
This makes about the fifth time in a year that Reyes has been injured and each of those injuries have been either leg or foot related. Get some new wheels, dude!
On the other hand, the typically slothful and slow to the take idiots running the Mets are only now muttering about specialising Reyes' training to cater to his fragile little legs and feet. Like a bird, he is, this Reyes.
Yet another sign of the season to come -- Cameron and Floyd already whinging about bone spurs, Piazza clueless at first and enemic behind the plate, no pitching staff to speak of, and well, Art Howe remains as manager. "I don't want to lose sleep on this just yet" Howe says. Good for Howe. Don't lose sleep. It's only your fucking job at stake!
*****
In case you were wondering, my final four picks for the NCAA tourney, of three separate sheets:
My first bracket has: Michigan St, Wisconsin, Duke and Syracuse, with Duke winning it all.
Bracket two has: Kentucky, Pitt, Duke and UConn with Kentucky winning it all.
My Absurdist Bracket three has: Gonzaga, St Joes, Mississippi St and UConn with Miss St. winning it all.
Sunday, March 14, 2004
Met Mutterings
"If he was anybody else, like Port St. Lucie people, they just talk out the mouth and they go."
Eric Vidal, 20, pizza deliverer, disrespected and pummeled by Met players.
If you search the Keep Port St. Lucie Beautiful Guiding Principles outline you will be disappointed to find how little talking out the mouth and going is mentioned. However, if you were to momentarily believe the stories of parking lot urination and pissaboy delivery beatings, you might, as Port St. Lucie detective in charge of the investigation, Mike Beath, did, find the pissaboy's story "vague and somewhat improbable." Don King ridiculous, I might have added. But good enough to find himself awarded the Sports Amnesia's Idiot of the Week.
"If he was anybody else, like Port St. Lucie people, they just talk out the mouth and they go."
Eric Vidal, 20, pizza deliverer, disrespected and pummeled by Met players.
If you search the Keep Port St. Lucie Beautiful Guiding Principles outline you will be disappointed to find how little talking out the mouth and going is mentioned. However, if you were to momentarily believe the stories of parking lot urination and pissaboy delivery beatings, you might, as Port St. Lucie detective in charge of the investigation, Mike Beath, did, find the pissaboy's story "vague and somewhat improbable." Don King ridiculous, I might have added. But good enough to find himself awarded the Sports Amnesia's Idiot of the Week.
Sunday, March 07, 2004
Johnny Damon and the Doors
Sorry, couldn't help but take notice of Gammons' article containing the photo of Johnny Damon and his new Christ look and compare it with Val Kilmer's version of Jim Morrison or perhaps further still, Jim Morrison taking acting lessons from Oliver Stone.
Doesn't bode well for the Sox.
Sorry, couldn't help but take notice of Gammons' article containing the photo of Johnny Damon and his new Christ look and compare it with Val Kilmer's version of Jim Morrison or perhaps further still, Jim Morrison taking acting lessons from Oliver Stone.
Doesn't bode well for the Sox.
Sunday, February 29, 2004
What's Wrong With the Water in the National League?
"I know up on top you are seeing great sights, but down on the bottom we, too, should have rights!" -- YERTLE THE TURTLE
Just as you know something is amiss in a village or a region of the world when you witness a sudden tide of refugees carrying rope-bound suitcases on their heads, cooking pots and mattresses, crying babies and burlap bags full of shahtoosh as they lead goats on a rope down dirt roads where the air is swollen with fleas and flies and dust, so too do you know that something must be rotten in the state of the National League to have caused an exodus so comprehensive one wonders what superstars will be left to turn out the lights.
"I know up on top you are seeing great sights, but down on the bottom we, too, should have rights!" -- YERTLE THE TURTLE
Just as you know something is amiss in a village or a region of the world when you witness a sudden tide of refugees carrying rope-bound suitcases on their heads, cooking pots and mattresses, crying babies and burlap bags full of shahtoosh as they lead goats on a rope down dirt roads where the air is swollen with fleas and flies and dust, so too do you know that something must be rotten in the state of the National League to have caused an exodus so comprehensive one wonders what superstars will be left to turn out the lights.
Sunday, February 22, 2004
In a note that should hearten the Red Sox Nation and prove yet again, pissing millions into the wind on a big name squad, Arsenal seal Ranieri's fate as Chelsea give up the fight
"Continuity, good leadership and the presence of so much experience permits easier assimilation of newcomers such as Kolo Toure and Gilberto and this season's implants, Clichy and Jens Lehmann. By comparison, six of Chelsea's starting line-up against Arsenal joined this season. Some have not developed a deep bond with the club. They have not shared in past pleasures and pains, the fire that forges individuals into a unit. Arsenal's pulse-racing season is rooted in the heartache of falling in last season's championship chase."
The bloke at Mariner Musings has unleashed another haiku:
Haiku #4: Ichiro!
Anticipating
Bat spinning like a windmill
Electricity
And in case you missed it, let's add All-baseballdotcom to the roll.
And in case you missed it, let's add Yanksfan vs Soxfan to the roll.
In yet another sign that this year is not the Year of the Mets, supporters and reporters are now officially reduced to spinning the ole but we've got great prospects! warble.
Tja. It's the 1986-2006 plan. Way to go.
*****
Other Sports
*****
I can't help but be fascinated with the progressively younger crops of NBA ?berteen dreams. Now it's the 14 year old O. J. Mayo garnering the almost prenatal adulation and attention. He's even been billed as the next LeBron -- the next LeBron? What's the shelf life of a pro hoops phenom these days, 20 minutes?
*****
Found this article on a To-know list in the Sporting News from last April which devotes itself to the inner psychological QB:
"It's well-documented how the man called the "brain doctor" advised the Chargers against selecting Ryan Leaf based merely upon what he'd observed of Leaf's brain wiring.
Jonathan Niednagel, head of the Brain Types Institute in Nottinghill, Mo., operates with an eight-letter alphabet. When he looks at a person, he sees four letters--or one of 16 combinations called brain types, which are determined by four basic pairs of psychological attributes.
Brain-type categories
(E)xtroverted vs. (I)ntroverted: Draws energy from others or from within.
(S)ensing vs. i(N)tuitive: Believes in only touch, taste, smell, sight and hearing or also in a sixth, guiding sense.
(T)hinking vs. (F)eeling: Bases decisions on either logic or emotion.
(J)udging vs. (P)erceiving: Is work-oriented or Is work-oriented or fun-oriented in approach to life."
Before the 2003 season, eight NFL quarterbacks had 40,000 yards or more in career passing. From those eight, only Dan Fouts and Warren Moon were not ESTP brain types meaning, Extroverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving blokes. You know the type...ESTP brain-types, such as John Elway, Dan Marino, Joe Montana and Peyton Manning. They have in common the ability to run the two-minute drill better than quarterbacks with different brains. That's because ESTP brain-types are known as "opportunists" who "seek fun and excitement" and "enjoy the moment," according to braintypes.com.
I wonder how many of the lads in my local are ESTPs. Probably not many potential Quarterbacks wandering Stratford-Upon-Avon.
"Continuity, good leadership and the presence of so much experience permits easier assimilation of newcomers such as Kolo Toure and Gilberto and this season's implants, Clichy and Jens Lehmann. By comparison, six of Chelsea's starting line-up against Arsenal joined this season. Some have not developed a deep bond with the club. They have not shared in past pleasures and pains, the fire that forges individuals into a unit. Arsenal's pulse-racing season is rooted in the heartache of falling in last season's championship chase."
The bloke at Mariner Musings has unleashed another haiku:
Haiku #4: Ichiro!
Anticipating
Bat spinning like a windmill
Electricity
And in case you missed it, let's add All-baseballdotcom to the roll.
And in case you missed it, let's add Yanksfan vs Soxfan to the roll.
In yet another sign that this year is not the Year of the Mets, supporters and reporters are now officially reduced to spinning the ole but we've got great prospects! warble.
Tja. It's the 1986-2006 plan. Way to go.
*****
Other Sports
*****
I can't help but be fascinated with the progressively younger crops of NBA ?berteen dreams. Now it's the 14 year old O. J. Mayo garnering the almost prenatal adulation and attention. He's even been billed as the next LeBron -- the next LeBron? What's the shelf life of a pro hoops phenom these days, 20 minutes?
*****
Found this article on a To-know list in the Sporting News from last April which devotes itself to the inner psychological QB:
"It's well-documented how the man called the "brain doctor" advised the Chargers against selecting Ryan Leaf based merely upon what he'd observed of Leaf's brain wiring.
Jonathan Niednagel, head of the Brain Types Institute in Nottinghill, Mo., operates with an eight-letter alphabet. When he looks at a person, he sees four letters--or one of 16 combinations called brain types, which are determined by four basic pairs of psychological attributes.
Brain-type categories
(E)xtroverted vs. (I)ntroverted: Draws energy from others or from within.
(S)ensing vs. i(N)tuitive: Believes in only touch, taste, smell, sight and hearing or also in a sixth, guiding sense.
(T)hinking vs. (F)eeling: Bases decisions on either logic or emotion.
(J)udging vs. (P)erceiving: Is work-oriented or Is work-oriented or fun-oriented in approach to life."
Before the 2003 season, eight NFL quarterbacks had 40,000 yards or more in career passing. From those eight, only Dan Fouts and Warren Moon were not ESTP brain types meaning, Extroverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving blokes. You know the type...ESTP brain-types, such as John Elway, Dan Marino, Joe Montana and Peyton Manning. They have in common the ability to run the two-minute drill better than quarterbacks with different brains. That's because ESTP brain-types are known as "opportunists" who "seek fun and excitement" and "enjoy the moment," according to braintypes.com.
I wonder how many of the lads in my local are ESTPs. Probably not many potential Quarterbacks wandering Stratford-Upon-Avon.
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
A-God
"I could prove God statistically." -- George Gallup
In the fever of statistics, the sweaty palms of junkies trying to prove their points, it should be considered that the Yankees coup of A-Rod is much bigger than mere statistics themselves. The arrival of A-Rod is an arrival in NYC that hasn't been seen since perhaps since the fixed draft that saw the Knicks collect Patrick Ewing out of Georgetown. It isn't the sterile calculations of combinations performed by people who love to take the heart from sports and slap a freshly printed dollar bill across it. It is about the passion discovered in sudden sports surprises that seize a city like an asthma attack and prove once again that is the beauty of speculation that allows us to feel happy as sportsfans, even when our team loses.
Monday, February 16, 2004
Fear Governs Red Sox Nation
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks". - Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act III, Scene II.
The Red Sox Nation, fresh off their surrogate success and the sublime earthquakes of ecstacy victory in Patriot Land, having suffered a sharp blow to the solar plexus, now try to regroup with fantasy tales of why the Yankees getting A-Rod after they themselves failed to do so, isn't the kick to the nuts their mascochistic psyches haven't been waiting for all off season ever since Pettitte and Clemens shook off their pinstripes for their homeland of Texas.
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks". - Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act III, Scene II.
The Red Sox Nation, fresh off their surrogate success and the sublime earthquakes of ecstacy victory in Patriot Land, having suffered a sharp blow to the solar plexus, now try to regroup with fantasy tales of why the Yankees getting A-Rod after they themselves failed to do so, isn't the kick to the nuts their mascochistic psyches haven't been waiting for all off season ever since Pettitte and Clemens shook off their pinstripes for their homeland of Texas.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Oh please may I hear another story about how dour and uncolourful Bill Belichick is? Oh please may I hear that story again about John Fox that tells of what a transformation he's overseen at Carolina?
Oh please can read about how there aren't any superstars on Carolina or how this time New England has to be the favourite instead of the underdog?
Oh please can I read another article about why the BCS is a disaster and please can that article have all the cliches of how to fix it?
Oh please can someone else tell me why Pete Rose is the antichrist and doesn't to deserve to be in the Hall of Fame?
Oh please will someone else wax poetic on the CFL?
Oh please can you tell me why having Cameron and Reyes and Kaz in the middle of the defense will make a difference when you still have three hop Piazza pantomiming throwing out runners at second base?
Oh please tell me why Bud Selig can't be the Archduke Ferdinand of Major League Baseball?
Oh please will someone demonstrate to me how John Gruden can be the Holy Grail one season and not even in the postseason the next?
Oh please can you give the NY Knicks what they want? Willis Reed limping, saving the day, over and over again?
Oh please can you tell me the Yankees fans won't revel in that moment of realisation when the most overrated pitcher on the planet called Pettitte pitches for Houston and gets bombed over and over until his back fails or his shoulder hurts and then Roger Clemens comes running and pulls a groin or hurts himself like some other 45 year old man might in similar circumstances?
Oh please can you erase the WNBA?
Oh please can you give Mike Schmidt his due?
Oh please can you make me watch another thirty seconds of ESPN because I might have missed the subtle hip hop nuances and meanings?
Oh please can I watch another 12 consecutive hours of Super Bowl pregame hype = please times a trillion?
Oh please can my life revolve around billion dollar commercials that only famous people or computer graphics can act in?
Oh please can I see the Patriots falling behind early? Oh please can I see Carolina because I see all the other teams every year, like, I dunno Tampa, Baltimore, St Louis, all those teams that had shite quarterbacks and no one said stood a chance?
Oh please can I hear another hurrah for Tom Brady?
Oh please can I see another interception?
Oh please can I be in Las Vegas?
Oh please can I be a seven point underdog too if I study hard and go to school?
Oh please.
Carolina 20 NE 16
Oh please can read about how there aren't any superstars on Carolina or how this time New England has to be the favourite instead of the underdog?
Oh please can I read another article about why the BCS is a disaster and please can that article have all the cliches of how to fix it?
Oh please can someone else tell me why Pete Rose is the antichrist and doesn't to deserve to be in the Hall of Fame?
Oh please will someone else wax poetic on the CFL?
Oh please can you tell me why having Cameron and Reyes and Kaz in the middle of the defense will make a difference when you still have three hop Piazza pantomiming throwing out runners at second base?
Oh please tell me why Bud Selig can't be the Archduke Ferdinand of Major League Baseball?
Oh please will someone demonstrate to me how John Gruden can be the Holy Grail one season and not even in the postseason the next?
Oh please can you give the NY Knicks what they want? Willis Reed limping, saving the day, over and over again?
Oh please can you tell me the Yankees fans won't revel in that moment of realisation when the most overrated pitcher on the planet called Pettitte pitches for Houston and gets bombed over and over until his back fails or his shoulder hurts and then Roger Clemens comes running and pulls a groin or hurts himself like some other 45 year old man might in similar circumstances?
Oh please can you erase the WNBA?
Oh please can you give Mike Schmidt his due?
Oh please can you make me watch another thirty seconds of ESPN because I might have missed the subtle hip hop nuances and meanings?
Oh please can I watch another 12 consecutive hours of Super Bowl pregame hype = please times a trillion?
Oh please can my life revolve around billion dollar commercials that only famous people or computer graphics can act in?
Oh please can I see the Patriots falling behind early? Oh please can I see Carolina because I see all the other teams every year, like, I dunno Tampa, Baltimore, St Louis, all those teams that had shite quarterbacks and no one said stood a chance?
Oh please can I hear another hurrah for Tom Brady?
Oh please can I see another interception?
Oh please can I be in Las Vegas?
Oh please can I be a seven point underdog too if I study hard and go to school?
Oh please.
Carolina 20 NE 16
Saturday, January 24, 2004
Let's Bring David against Goliath to Baseball
"Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability."--George Bernard Shaw
The FA Cup brought a bit of romance to football yesterday. It was a glaring contrast in size, pay and talent when the mighty millionaires of Chelsea, who ranked 104 places above the semiprofessional Scarborough, traveled this weekend to that Northeast seaside resort town to hold an important fourth round FA Cup match. The kind of stunning mismatch that invites giant-killing and mythological heroics that live forever in the minds of fans everywhere.
"Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability."--George Bernard Shaw
The FA Cup brought a bit of romance to football yesterday. It was a glaring contrast in size, pay and talent when the mighty millionaires of Chelsea, who ranked 104 places above the semiprofessional Scarborough, traveled this weekend to that Northeast seaside resort town to hold an important fourth round FA Cup match. The kind of stunning mismatch that invites giant-killing and mythological heroics that live forever in the minds of fans everywhere.
Sunday, January 18, 2004
The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials. --Chinese Proverb
I can't decide which is more absurd: that whining Yankee fans would accuse Roger Clemens of nothing short of treason and being a turncoat two-timer after he backed off his decision to retire and decided to sign with the Houston Astros instead, or the ridiculous attempt by Clemens to smooth ruffled Yankee fan feathers by confessing that "I still consider myself a Yankee."
I can't decide which is more absurd: that whining Yankee fans would accuse Roger Clemens of nothing short of treason and being a turncoat two-timer after he backed off his decision to retire and decided to sign with the Houston Astros instead, or the ridiculous attempt by Clemens to smooth ruffled Yankee fan feathers by confessing that "I still consider myself a Yankee."
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Thursday, January 08, 2004
ESPN, Where Art Thou?
"You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life." -- Bill Murray as Phil in Groundhog Day.
We don't get much NFL coverage here in England. We get the Sunday night ESPN game on live feed with a one thirty in the morning kickoff (so all you East Coasters whining about the games starting too late to cater to West Coast spectators, try focusing on a hyperventilating Joe Theisman at 3 in the morning sometime.) We get the Monday Night Game on Tuesday nights (most weeks) and if you've got Sky TV Digital, well, you might even get a live NFL Playoff game at a reasonable hour on a early weekend evening.
The best thing I can say about the coverage is that it is a live feed so you get real American professional announcers doing the game for an audience of people who already understand the game. Sometimes on Sky, you get the Sky network geniuses thinking how neat it would be to use their own announcers who always feel compelled to explain every nuance of the game to an audience they assume know nothing about it. If you think listening to John Madden's fatted veal grey lips spittle the same tired lines over and over again like the BAM! sound bubbles of a tv episode of Batman, is annoying, trying having a blitz explained to you by a ex-New York Giant Englishman for the twelfth time in a half hour. An added bonus, when watching the match on England's Channel Five, when ESPN/ABC takes one of their trillion commercial breaks, instead of pickup tits truck commercials and bad swill beer tits commercials and ominous ads about how your company will fail like a Twitney Spears Marriage without some sort of 28th century inside investment technology to lead you into the next generation of doom and killing, you get the tight analysis of Mike Carlson during commercial breaks instead.
Imagine that for just a moment! A sporting event without commercials! It almost feels like paradise except for the fact that by halftime it's already almost time to put the morning pot of coffee on and get the shower started.
Nevertheless, it isn't hard to notice how quickly the NFL coaching vacancies were filled, baddabing, baddabang and the smoke has cleared and look what we've got:
A retread dictator, the kind of hardass that will beat respectability into the Giants, a guy who took an infant franchise to the Conference Championship Game twice but never made it to the Super Bowl, a guy who makes the NFC East that much tougher. On the other hand, my first thought at the news of the Giants signing Tom Coughlin was: what the hell must Jeremy Shockey be thinking? Get me out of here as fast as possible? It should be intriguing to see, once the games of faux diplomacy and lip service have been exhausted and Shockey is back to being Shocking, just how it's going to sit with General Coughlin, a guy who doesn't like long hair, wants the players in suits and will run the team like they were playing at West Point instead of the East Rutherford. Yeah, I'm sure Shockey wants to win, blablabla, just as bad as the General but there's more than one way to skin a cat and while football is a game big on war metaphors, it isn't often that someone as unrelentingly uptight as Coughlin wins the Super Bowl. Gruden? Nah. Belichick? Grumpy, yes, but better known as defensive genius more than a little dictator. The Niagra Falls of Coaching, Dick Vermeil? No chance. Mike Shanahan? Nope. You've gotta go all the way back to 1991, also with the NY Giants, when Parcells was the dictator and coach and won a title. Problem further is that Coughlin isn't the motivational genius Parcells is. The Giants got themselves a good coach but don't count on him outcoaching Parcells against Dallas, Andy Reid against the Eagles or even Joe Gibbs against the Redskins.
Joe Gibbs is by far the most intriguing hire. It's such big news even the cloyingly annoying Tony Kornheiser had a good line in the Washington Post for a change: "So Joe Gibbs is coming back to coach the Redskins, huh? Coach "Joe"? For real? Bringing the Boss Hog, Joe Bugel, with him? Who else? Grimm? Henning? Torgy? Pec? Sort of like The Blues Brothers. "We're putting the band back together -- we're on a mission from God."
My first morbid thought upon hearing this news was that what ifGibbs doesn't succeed? Where does Boy Blunder Danny Snyder go from there? Throw up his hands and sell the team? There are no football coaches left in the world for the Redskins to hire if Joe Gibbs doesn't do it. It's that simple. Can he readapt to an NFL of free agency? Can he return after 11 years out of the loop? Sure he can. In DC, Joe Gibbs can walk on water. He is the Jesus Christ of NFL Coaching inside the Beltway. If he doesn't do it, no one will. But he will. He's got a Midas Touch and the only thing to fear in the end is after all the winning has waned and The Mighty Joe is ready to hang it up again, let's hope there's someone a little more prepared and a little more capable than Rich Pettibone waiting in the wings next time. In the meantime, can you find anything wrong in another pair of Gibbs-Parcells matchups every season? Can you imagine how hysterical that Redskins-Cowboys rivalry is going to get now?
Dennis Green, much like Marvin Lewis did in Cincinnati, brings automatic respectability to an otherwise lifeless and laughable franchise with an historically apathetic ownership. Frankly, you've got to wonder if Green is a glutton for punishment when just as easily, he could've had the Raiders job instead. Have the Raiders really floundered to the level of the Arizona Cardinals in a matter of a year or is Green afraid of disappearing from the NFL coaching circuit if he doesn't win, much like the Raiders' last fired black head coach, Art Shell? The Cardinals have reached double digit losses nine times since 1989 which, believe it or not, is exactly the same amount of times the Bengals reached double digit losses since 1989. But before Mr Green gets any delusions of grandeur, he might consider the fact that the Bengals were up against the likes of the Steelers, Browns and Ravens, whereas Arizona have to play in a division consisting of a considerably more formidable St Louis, Seattle and San Francisco. And let's face it, while no one might have imagined an end of the year scenario that had Marvin Lewis in tears thanking owner and the perpetually-hated Mike Brown, try and imagine the teletubbyish Dennis Green shedding tears of thanks for a cantankerous old Grinch like Bill Bidwell...As Adele told Carrie when asked in the movie Kalifornia if her Brad Pitt boyfriend, Early Grace ever hit her: "Only when I deserve it". As John Madden would say, in Batman sound effect bubbles KAPOOW! ZONK! Good luck in the lovely dry heat of the Republic of Arizona, Mr Green.
*****
You can't get ESPN Sports Center here, not through Sky TV, not even if you jam a coathanger into your tv antenae. And for the homages I read about how wonderful it is, the truth of the matter is, by the time I was leaving New York, Sports Center had gotten a little too clever for itself, a little too enamoured with its own sense of self-important news readers. I can tell you for a fact there isn't a man, woman, child, animal, mineral or vegetable in all of the United Kingdom as annoying as listening to Stewart Scott Ebonicize the American Sports Experience every morning. It was a terrible way to start the day. Evil enough to keep a spittoon bedside-handy on the off-hand chance you'd be force fed another "as cool as the other side of the pillow" line just as the vestiges of the previous night's partying was creeping it's way up your throat like a malignant bile waiting to explode at the next "BOOYEAH!". Ah yes. Stewart Scott is not a disease to be taken lightly.
We don't get much in the way of the NBA here either though for some reason, but we do get the Fox Sports NHL feed once or twice a week at around three in the morning. What we do get in bigger than life tabloid style coverage is FOOTBALL. Every page is soaked with the latest comings and goings, the finest details of every match played from the Premiere League down to the local levels. The funny thing is, you can't watch any matches on television unless you either subscribe to Sky TV or you head over to your local pub to watch it on theirs. In and of itself, this isn't such a bad thing until you find that there are "four or five" matches a week that are on Sky that you want to see and your mates in the pub slowly begin to become more familiar to you than your own wife. Not to mention watching the digits of your beer intake quadruple, your vision bloating into the onset of a permanent alchoholic haze and forgetting which match your watching by every halftime. Think about it though. Imagine if you couldn't watch a single NFL game on anything but ESPN. Imagine if every collegiate and professional game of the week could only be seen on cable. It's a mind-boggling sort of monopoly Sky TV has running here. Then again, Sky TV is paying billions to fund the Premiership. Money without which, the English League might well be like the Dutch Eriedivisie, an empty dreamland ghost of a league, twisting in the wind on its own youth squads, watching it's superstars develop in someone else's billionaire league in another country many many miles away.
*****
And perhaps the most amazing thing of all: making the news in the sports pages these days in England, perhaps underscoring the lack of interesting diversity, missing the NCAA Hoops, the NBA showboats, the NFL Playoffs, etc., you find yourself slowly gazing into the articles about people like John Boy Walton taking the World Darts Title and wondering what is wrong with the world. "He was busting 180s everywhere - he was buzzing.", the article quotes a fan of Walton. Real schoolyard, street-smart, hip-hop darts at its finest alrighty.
Now, I like darts just as much as the next pint-swilling lad in a pub but if I'm going to make fun of things like golf and bowling being called "sports" in America, then frankly, I've got to have a problem with darts being in the sports pages of the British tabloids and not running the lead in the local pub newsletter, as well.
"You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life." -- Bill Murray as Phil in Groundhog Day.
We don't get much NFL coverage here in England. We get the Sunday night ESPN game on live feed with a one thirty in the morning kickoff (so all you East Coasters whining about the games starting too late to cater to West Coast spectators, try focusing on a hyperventilating Joe Theisman at 3 in the morning sometime.) We get the Monday Night Game on Tuesday nights (most weeks) and if you've got Sky TV Digital, well, you might even get a live NFL Playoff game at a reasonable hour on a early weekend evening.
The best thing I can say about the coverage is that it is a live feed so you get real American professional announcers doing the game for an audience of people who already understand the game. Sometimes on Sky, you get the Sky network geniuses thinking how neat it would be to use their own announcers who always feel compelled to explain every nuance of the game to an audience they assume know nothing about it. If you think listening to John Madden's fatted veal grey lips spittle the same tired lines over and over again like the BAM! sound bubbles of a tv episode of Batman, is annoying, trying having a blitz explained to you by a ex-New York Giant Englishman for the twelfth time in a half hour. An added bonus, when watching the match on England's Channel Five, when ESPN/ABC takes one of their trillion commercial breaks, instead of pickup tits truck commercials and bad swill beer tits commercials and ominous ads about how your company will fail like a Twitney Spears Marriage without some sort of 28th century inside investment technology to lead you into the next generation of doom and killing, you get the tight analysis of Mike Carlson during commercial breaks instead.
Imagine that for just a moment! A sporting event without commercials! It almost feels like paradise except for the fact that by halftime it's already almost time to put the morning pot of coffee on and get the shower started.
Nevertheless, it isn't hard to notice how quickly the NFL coaching vacancies were filled, baddabing, baddabang and the smoke has cleared and look what we've got:
A retread dictator, the kind of hardass that will beat respectability into the Giants, a guy who took an infant franchise to the Conference Championship Game twice but never made it to the Super Bowl, a guy who makes the NFC East that much tougher. On the other hand, my first thought at the news of the Giants signing Tom Coughlin was: what the hell must Jeremy Shockey be thinking? Get me out of here as fast as possible? It should be intriguing to see, once the games of faux diplomacy and lip service have been exhausted and Shockey is back to being Shocking, just how it's going to sit with General Coughlin, a guy who doesn't like long hair, wants the players in suits and will run the team like they were playing at West Point instead of the East Rutherford. Yeah, I'm sure Shockey wants to win, blablabla, just as bad as the General but there's more than one way to skin a cat and while football is a game big on war metaphors, it isn't often that someone as unrelentingly uptight as Coughlin wins the Super Bowl. Gruden? Nah. Belichick? Grumpy, yes, but better known as defensive genius more than a little dictator. The Niagra Falls of Coaching, Dick Vermeil? No chance. Mike Shanahan? Nope. You've gotta go all the way back to 1991, also with the NY Giants, when Parcells was the dictator and coach and won a title. Problem further is that Coughlin isn't the motivational genius Parcells is. The Giants got themselves a good coach but don't count on him outcoaching Parcells against Dallas, Andy Reid against the Eagles or even Joe Gibbs against the Redskins.
Joe Gibbs is by far the most intriguing hire. It's such big news even the cloyingly annoying Tony Kornheiser had a good line in the Washington Post for a change: "So Joe Gibbs is coming back to coach the Redskins, huh? Coach "Joe"? For real? Bringing the Boss Hog, Joe Bugel, with him? Who else? Grimm? Henning? Torgy? Pec? Sort of like The Blues Brothers. "We're putting the band back together -- we're on a mission from God."
My first morbid thought upon hearing this news was that what ifGibbs doesn't succeed? Where does Boy Blunder Danny Snyder go from there? Throw up his hands and sell the team? There are no football coaches left in the world for the Redskins to hire if Joe Gibbs doesn't do it. It's that simple. Can he readapt to an NFL of free agency? Can he return after 11 years out of the loop? Sure he can. In DC, Joe Gibbs can walk on water. He is the Jesus Christ of NFL Coaching inside the Beltway. If he doesn't do it, no one will. But he will. He's got a Midas Touch and the only thing to fear in the end is after all the winning has waned and The Mighty Joe is ready to hang it up again, let's hope there's someone a little more prepared and a little more capable than Rich Pettibone waiting in the wings next time. In the meantime, can you find anything wrong in another pair of Gibbs-Parcells matchups every season? Can you imagine how hysterical that Redskins-Cowboys rivalry is going to get now?
Dennis Green, much like Marvin Lewis did in Cincinnati, brings automatic respectability to an otherwise lifeless and laughable franchise with an historically apathetic ownership. Frankly, you've got to wonder if Green is a glutton for punishment when just as easily, he could've had the Raiders job instead. Have the Raiders really floundered to the level of the Arizona Cardinals in a matter of a year or is Green afraid of disappearing from the NFL coaching circuit if he doesn't win, much like the Raiders' last fired black head coach, Art Shell? The Cardinals have reached double digit losses nine times since 1989 which, believe it or not, is exactly the same amount of times the Bengals reached double digit losses since 1989. But before Mr Green gets any delusions of grandeur, he might consider the fact that the Bengals were up against the likes of the Steelers, Browns and Ravens, whereas Arizona have to play in a division consisting of a considerably more formidable St Louis, Seattle and San Francisco. And let's face it, while no one might have imagined an end of the year scenario that had Marvin Lewis in tears thanking owner and the perpetually-hated Mike Brown, try and imagine the teletubbyish Dennis Green shedding tears of thanks for a cantankerous old Grinch like Bill Bidwell...As Adele told Carrie when asked in the movie Kalifornia if her Brad Pitt boyfriend, Early Grace ever hit her: "Only when I deserve it". As John Madden would say, in Batman sound effect bubbles KAPOOW! ZONK! Good luck in the lovely dry heat of the Republic of Arizona, Mr Green.
*****
You can't get ESPN Sports Center here, not through Sky TV, not even if you jam a coathanger into your tv antenae. And for the homages I read about how wonderful it is, the truth of the matter is, by the time I was leaving New York, Sports Center had gotten a little too clever for itself, a little too enamoured with its own sense of self-important news readers. I can tell you for a fact there isn't a man, woman, child, animal, mineral or vegetable in all of the United Kingdom as annoying as listening to Stewart Scott Ebonicize the American Sports Experience every morning. It was a terrible way to start the day. Evil enough to keep a spittoon bedside-handy on the off-hand chance you'd be force fed another "as cool as the other side of the pillow" line just as the vestiges of the previous night's partying was creeping it's way up your throat like a malignant bile waiting to explode at the next "BOOYEAH!". Ah yes. Stewart Scott is not a disease to be taken lightly.
We don't get much in the way of the NBA here either though for some reason, but we do get the Fox Sports NHL feed once or twice a week at around three in the morning. What we do get in bigger than life tabloid style coverage is FOOTBALL. Every page is soaked with the latest comings and goings, the finest details of every match played from the Premiere League down to the local levels. The funny thing is, you can't watch any matches on television unless you either subscribe to Sky TV or you head over to your local pub to watch it on theirs. In and of itself, this isn't such a bad thing until you find that there are "four or five" matches a week that are on Sky that you want to see and your mates in the pub slowly begin to become more familiar to you than your own wife. Not to mention watching the digits of your beer intake quadruple, your vision bloating into the onset of a permanent alchoholic haze and forgetting which match your watching by every halftime. Think about it though. Imagine if you couldn't watch a single NFL game on anything but ESPN. Imagine if every collegiate and professional game of the week could only be seen on cable. It's a mind-boggling sort of monopoly Sky TV has running here. Then again, Sky TV is paying billions to fund the Premiership. Money without which, the English League might well be like the Dutch Eriedivisie, an empty dreamland ghost of a league, twisting in the wind on its own youth squads, watching it's superstars develop in someone else's billionaire league in another country many many miles away.
*****
And perhaps the most amazing thing of all: making the news in the sports pages these days in England, perhaps underscoring the lack of interesting diversity, missing the NCAA Hoops, the NBA showboats, the NFL Playoffs, etc., you find yourself slowly gazing into the articles about people like John Boy Walton taking the World Darts Title and wondering what is wrong with the world. "He was busting 180s everywhere - he was buzzing.", the article quotes a fan of Walton. Real schoolyard, street-smart, hip-hop darts at its finest alrighty.
Now, I like darts just as much as the next pint-swilling lad in a pub but if I'm going to make fun of things like golf and bowling being called "sports" in America, then frankly, I've got to have a problem with darts being in the sports pages of the British tabloids and not running the lead in the local pub newsletter, as well.
Sunday, January 04, 2004
The Mets finally have a new closer in Braden Looperafter dumping sad sack Armandogeddon the Mets have, in essence, traded Benitez for the three minor leaguers they got from the Yankees, plus a new closer in Looper. In his final two outings of the regular season, and throughout the playoffs, Looper regained his effectiveness as a setup man. He had two excellent performances against the Mets to close out the regular season, then went 2-0 with a save in the playoffs.
Looper's 1-2/3 shutout innings in Game 4 of the World Series against the Yankees particularly piqued the Mets' interest. In the outing, he escaped a bases-loaded, one-out jam in the 11th.
Perhaps the biggest laugh is that the Marlins think they've solved their closer problems by signing Armandogeddon, but the truth is, the problems have only just begun.
"That was probably the last piece of this team that was really in need, and we took care of it," Marlins general manager Larry Beinfest said Sunday, a day after the hard-throwing right-hander accepted a $3.5 million, one-year deal with the World Series champions.
It was only last July that the Marlins were heavily rumoured to trade right-handers Nate Bump, Justin Wayne and Blaine Neal and Double-A left-hander Ryan Snare among the primary bait to grab Benitez from the Mets. As we know, Armandogeddon Sweepstakes were "won" by the Yankees, who lived to regret it and the Marlins, who never had to suffer Armandovision in the post season, later went on to defeat the Yankees in the World Series.
In forsaking the Marlins and helping them win the World Series, the Mets got, above all, Jason Anderson
On the other hand, given the general apathy of Marlin fans when the Marlins aren't World Champions, ole Armando might do just fine in a Florida climate of indifference before 8,000 fans every night.
Looper's 1-2/3 shutout innings in Game 4 of the World Series against the Yankees particularly piqued the Mets' interest. In the outing, he escaped a bases-loaded, one-out jam in the 11th.
Perhaps the biggest laugh is that the Marlins think they've solved their closer problems by signing Armandogeddon, but the truth is, the problems have only just begun.
"That was probably the last piece of this team that was really in need, and we took care of it," Marlins general manager Larry Beinfest said Sunday, a day after the hard-throwing right-hander accepted a $3.5 million, one-year deal with the World Series champions.
It was only last July that the Marlins were heavily rumoured to trade right-handers Nate Bump, Justin Wayne and Blaine Neal and Double-A left-hander Ryan Snare among the primary bait to grab Benitez from the Mets. As we know, Armandogeddon Sweepstakes were "won" by the Yankees, who lived to regret it and the Marlins, who never had to suffer Armandovision in the post season, later went on to defeat the Yankees in the World Series.
In forsaking the Marlins and helping them win the World Series, the Mets got, above all, Jason Anderson
On the other hand, given the general apathy of Marlin fans when the Marlins aren't World Champions, ole Armando might do just fine in a Florida climate of indifference before 8,000 fans every night.
Saturday, December 20, 2003
Who Are These Dopes And Why Are They Ruining Baseball?
"The players association's intransigence and the arbitrary nature of its action are responsible for the deal's demise today. Reports that negotiations are continuing and shall continue are inaccurate." -- Lucky Luccino, on the end of Renaissance of the Red Sox, stillborn, half-term aborted.
It's another sign of the out-of-touch with the corporate world encroaching, imposing its stamp upon the sanctity and holy purity of the world of sports when it takes a degree in Quantitative Macroeconomics and Contracts Law to understand the anatomy of a baseball trade gone sour. Does anyone else get a headache trying to sort that A-Rod, for whom the contract was written, was willing to diminish the value of his contract, through deferrals, by $28 million; union lawyer Gene Orza would allow only $12 million?
"The players association's intransigence and the arbitrary nature of its action are responsible for the deal's demise today. Reports that negotiations are continuing and shall continue are inaccurate." -- Lucky Luccino, on the end of Renaissance of the Red Sox, stillborn, half-term aborted.
It's another sign of the out-of-touch with the corporate world encroaching, imposing its stamp upon the sanctity and holy purity of the world of sports when it takes a degree in Quantitative Macroeconomics and Contracts Law to understand the anatomy of a baseball trade gone sour. Does anyone else get a headache trying to sort that A-Rod, for whom the contract was written, was willing to diminish the value of his contract, through deferrals, by $28 million; union lawyer Gene Orza would allow only $12 million?
