Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Probably Forgotten, But Not Gone
"In heaven all the interesting people are missing." --Friedrich Nietzsche

Yes, yes. Sandwiched between holidays were the few vital seconds Sports Amnesia had to cobble together a coherent column but sadly, despite your pleas for more words, the lad(s) at Sports Amnesia have been unable to jot together more than a few thoughts on the events of the last month or so. We apologise for the inconvenience this may be causing to your regular reading habits and promise a more comprehensive examination of all things sport-like in the very near future.

If that isn't good enough, you can tell we've been busy catching up at the Fire Art Howe Already! site of late. Nothing like a good crusade, but frankly, Art Howe seems to be doing a good enough job all by his lonesome of getting himself fired and if there is any shred of sanity left in the Mets Idiot Collective, soon we will have the joy of speculating whose turn it will be to replace Art Howe in the annals of loserdom. By the way Mr Wilpon, great move that, firing Bobby Valentine, wasn't it? Jackass.

And yes, anyone who has listened to Art Howe winge on about oh the horrors of all the injuries the Mets have suffered (as though someone like the Cubs, with more injuries and a more talented manager can attest to), it is indeed true, the Mets have a minor cast of perpetually injured players that Sports Amnesia would love to see sent packing this winter. Mike (I'm Nothing But A DH In A Catcher's Body) Piazza, the man who has brought unprecedented mediocrity to not just one, but two positions this season. Hamstring phenom, Jose Reyes who continues to tantalise us with his unfulfilled potential and his amazing ability to hurt himself. Mike Cameron and Cliff Floyd.

Those were the original four cast members but then, the Mets Idiot Collective went out and acquired some more Band Aids - Pirates pitcher Kris Benson whose history dictates that pitching more than 15 games a season will cause season-ending injuries - and who is up for a fat free agent contract which I'm sure some idiot like Wilpon or GM Jim (Wanna See My Lobotomy Scars?) Duquette will now re-sign for some absurd amount of money just so there's another contract to eat a year or so down the road. And in addition to Benson, the Mets then went out and got Tampa Bay pitcher, Victor Zambrano, who by all accounts was ALREADY injured before the Mets even traded for him! (Which must register somewhere high on the Idiot Scale, even for Mets management).

Suffice it to say that all we need is a career-ending injury to new phenom 3B David Wright and Art Howe re-signed to like, a ten year extension to seal the casket on the Mets for another generation. Well done, lads.


Gentlemen, Start Your Mr Octobers

So now that the Mets are long gone out of the picture, there isn't much left to root for but the inevitable Yankees flame-out followed by the mass hysteria of Yankees and Red Sox fans when neither of their teams makes it to the World Series. Oh, boohoo.

Sports Amnesia, with a rather dodgy history of baseball premonition, (in case you were wondering or somehow managed to forget, we had the unenviable task of selecting a Montreal Expos-Chicago White Sox World Series, just to be the first kids on the block to pick 'em), has decided that the early returns are in and the World Series, with the hindsight of the 130 some odd games played to date, will be played between the Anaheim Angels and the St Louis Cardinals.

This, we hope, will prove to be the ultimate jinx, setting both teams out early on. You see, with the Mets gone, with a hatred glued to the Yankees and Red Sox because of their annoyingly overreactionary fans, with disgust for the Anaheim Angels, never having forgiven them for winning the World Series whilst still being owned by the repulsive Disney Corporation, with nothing but derision for the Cardinals and their stupid over-manager, Tony LaRussa, a perpetual hatred of the Atlanta Braves for all those years humiliating the Mets, we've only got a handful of teams out there to root for in this postseason to even make it worth listening to or even bearable.

What I'd LIKE to see is for the Red Sox to overtake the Yankees for first place in the AL East (only 4 1/2 down with 6 head-to-head games to go against them), then for the A's to win the AL West and the Texas Rangers to gain the Wildcard thereby knocking out the Yankees and sending Steinbrenner into such hysterics he has an aneurysm and drops dead. Then I'd like to see the Twins play the Red Sox in the ALCS just to wind up the Red Sox fans even more so that when they think they've got the ALCS in hand, the Twins win anyway, demoralising the Red Sox fans yet again, sending their hysterical hordes drowning into the Charles River, permanently silencing them. Because really, what have these prats got to whinge about anyway? Imagine being a Mets fan!

And just to rub it into the Red Sox even more, let's see the Cubs make it to the World Series against the Twins and Win It All just so Boston is the last of the great, hysterically jinxed losers.

Now that would be a postseason to remember.

And whilst we've got our prognostication hat on, mark it down, in one of the few comments I may make about NCAA football this year other than to bemoan the idiocy of the current system used for naming the national champions, Oklahoma will win the National Championship and Jason White will become the first repeat Heisman Trophy winner ever since Archie Griffin of Ohio State.


Odds and Ends:

When I last looked at the stats a few days ago, poor Wiggy Wigginton, he of former Met fame and one of the sad sacks traded to Pittsburgh in the damnable Kris Benson trade, is hitting .178 for the Pirates ever since. Maybe there's hope yet that a likeable, gutsy and all-around nice guy player with a little bit of hardshell talent like Wigginton might return someday to the arms of the Mets, and if so, probably on the waiver wire.

As for Kazmir, the supermensch pitcher of diminutive frame whom the Mets traded for an injured Tampa Bay pitcher and who later shut out the Mariners but was later slammed by the A's:

The jury is still out of course. It's just a pity that at the beginning of this season, Alfonso Soriano could have been had from the Rangers for Kazmir and Hammy Reyes and both of them were, (hold on to your bellies for this one sportsfans) UNTOUCHABLE --

Now, a few months later, Kazmir has been touched and is pitching in Tampa while Reyes is whingeing away somewhere wrapping his shredded hammies and broken bones and pulled muscles in some sort of exclusive permanent rehab in neverneverland.

Nice one.

Lastly, I know it's befuddling that Art Howe is still "managing" the Mets but no one really thought the Mets ever had a chance anyway so being one of the worst teams in baseball isn't all that surprising for us. What IS surprising perhaps, and imagine yourself a poor Phillies phan, is that Larry Bowa is still managing the Philadelphia Phillies despite their catastrophic meltdown and inexpliqable failure to merit even a pennant race or a wild card chase out of their millions of dollars of new faces. Larry Bowa is a magician. How he has escaped firing to date is simply magical.

Just so those who have craved REAL football for the last few weeks into this English Premiership season have a bone to chew on, it's well known by now, that like the Yankees in MLB, the Manchester United Reds always get their man. This time, it is Euro 2004 phenom, Wayne Rooney snatched from the arms of the lesseroffs and kidnapped for a life of fame and championships.

And on a sadder note, Newcastle United, my formerly favourite team, whom I have abandoned since the signing of my least favourite Dutch player of All-Time, the most lacksidaisical and apathetic international player I've ever witnessed, Patrick Kluivert -- have sacked their manager Bobby Robson after a poor start.

No word yet on who will replace him but happy trails to the 71 year old Newcastle lifer, Mr Robson, whose tirelessly boorish narrating during his television commentating during the Euro 2004 led me to think he'd already reached and surpassed sinility.

Well sportsfans, time constraints and a heavy schedule do not permit further ranting today so have a look through the links on this page for a look at infinately more coherent reviews of the sports world around us.