This crazy article about which teams should be demoted and which team should renickname themselves after Pluto got me thinking about nicknames in general.

NL East:

Metropolitans: sensible for a big city but the snob in me always thinks Metropolitan means more like Manhattan than Queens.
Marlins: Ok, Florida and deep sea fishing, very Hemmingway. Good.
Phillies Do they mean Philadelphia natives in the diminutive form or the horses? And why not The Blunts? That would be a cool nickname.)
Braves: Southerners, notorious racists, naming their team after what, native indians? In a non-PC way? Why not just be honest and call them The Confederates? Besides, think of what a great rivalry with the...
Nationals.

NL Central:

Cubs What's the sense in a big city naming it's team after a baby bear - no wonder they never win anything important. Set the bar very low, manage expectations.
Cardinals Ok, bird motif is pretty benevolent but the Cardinals aren't even the state bird of MO are they? Shouldn't they be the Brewers as well? The Formentors?
Astros Houston, mission control, etc. Oh yeah, that and playing in the Astrodome once.
Pirates This makes no sense, clearly. It makes more sense to rename the Oakland Raiders the Pirates but there ent much in Pittsburgh but steel and that name was already taken so the options are narrow. And Pirates? There isn't even a bloody sea anywhere near Pittsburgh!
Brewers: Milwaukee, a-ok name provided there's a special caveat indicating the beer is crap anyway.

Dodgers: This makes no sense but they can blame Brooklyn for that one.
Padres: What an odd nickname. That it's in Spanish, considering the proximity of Mexico, not a bad idea but if the Padres is ok, then why not go for the whole enchilada and name themselve The Popes?
Diamondbacks: Arizona and snakes. Better than Cacti, I suppose.
Giants: Ok, another stupid important from New York. Why not the Barry Bonds Steroid Heads instead? Something more current and edgy.