Attack of The Killer Drunks

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. -- Confucius

Although it pales in comparison to the Attack of the 50 Foot Chicken, the attack on umpire Laz Diaz by Eric Dybas of Bolingbrook two nights ago was the apogee of the increasing problem of not only keeping fans off of the baseball field, but of preventing them from attacking players, coaches and umpires when they get there.

Last year, after the pummeling of Royals coach Tom Gamboa at the increasingly hostile Comiskey Park by a father and son team, there was the usual grousing about ballpark security. Following the incident, Major league baseball said it would look into whether it needs to make changes in security at ballparks.

"We're going to review all of our procedures in and around the dugouts and bullpens,'' said Kevin Hallinan, executive director of security for the commissioner's office, following the Gamboa attack. "We need to go back to the drawing board because of what appears to be happening in the late stages of games, with fans moving to those areas.''

Seven months later, Hallinan still has a job and the latest attack not only happens in the same stadium but just yards from where the attack on Gamboa took place. How's that for job efficiency? Apparently, Hallinan, his review of procedures and his magical little drawing board were not as effective as they wanted you to believe.

''The assistant to major league security was at the game tonight,'' Gamboa recounted after the most recent attack. "He told me before the game that they had beefed up the security, but the fans will always outnumber the security force, so there is only so much they can do.''

Only so much they can do?

Under the threat of the Royals boycotting Wednesday's game out of security concerns, the White Sox increased security at their ballpark by adding two people to watch each foul line, having ushers check ticket stubs more frequently, and making more public-address announcements to remind fans of the penalties for going onto the field.

Meanwhile, the White Sox Sox have made no major, visible changes because of the two incidents. Both cases apparently involved alcohol--Royals outfielder Rontrez Johnson said the fan who tried to tackle Diaz "reeked" of beer--yet the Sox did not alter their policy on alcohol sales. According to director of public relations Scott Reifert, vendors in the stands sell beer through the top of the eighth inning--two innings later than the Cubs' policy for night games--and sales are stopped at concession stands after the eighth inning, with the club reserving the right to suspend sales earlier. He said sales had been stopped in the seventh inning Tuesday night.

I hate to say it, but maybe for starters, they shouldn't sell beer at White Sox games. There seems to be a pretty simple equation at Comiskey Park: more beer sales equal more drunks equal more drunken fans running out on to the field. Sandy Alderson, Major League Baseball's executive vice president for baseball operations said MLB does not dictate alcohol policies to individual clubs, as long as they meet a minimum requirement. He indicated the White Sox are "reviewing" their policy. What is to review? Two attacks within what amounts to two months, if you consider the fact that there weren't any games in Comiskey for five months and the drunks could brawl in the privacy of their own neighborhoods. It doesn't take a degree in quantum physics to get the idea that White Sox fans and beer in Comiskey don't mix. Prior to the attack, three men whom police said were in their 20s jumped onto the field in separate incidents on that night alone, two of them bare-chested and waving their shirts above their head while running from a dozen security guards. Not even after these three violations did the White Sox make an announcement urging fans to stay in their seats, cut off beer sales or otherwise enhance what is clearly a sad sack security organization.

So, other than banning beer, what should be done? Certainly the idea of some kind of barrier between the fans and the field isn't going to work, at least not aesthetically. How much stronger can you make the penalties for running on to the field? Misdemeanor tresspassing is just misdemeanor trespassing. A felony count of aggravated battery in a public place of amusement is still a felony count of aggravated battery in a public place of amusement. You can't make the sentencing harsher just because it happens on a baseball field in particular. What good is repeating the same inaudible PA announcement over and over again to remind people of penalties of running on to the field? Twice a game is obviously not enough. What should they do, chant it like a mantra in between innings? Make everyone repeat the warnings in unison during the seventh inning stretch instead of singing God Bless America? Adding a few fat security guards who couldn't chase down roadkill certainly isn't going to make much of a difference.

At Shea and Yankee Stadium, during the late innings of games they anticipate having crowd control problems with, they have a ring of cops and horses patrolling the perimeters of the field. Perhaps even cheaper would be to keep fans from getting into any section of the park from the concourse without a ticket. Have additional guards, facing the crowd, at the bottom of every lower deck. No ticket, no entry. Chances are pretty slim that one of these nuts who charge the field is going to have box seat tickets.

The main thing is, do something demonstrable. Don't pay lip service to tighter security or whine about "deplorable" fan behavior like that miscarriage of a baseball commissioner, Bud Selig. Make changes to the degree that fans won't have the option of deciding whether or not they want to chance the consequences of running on to the field. Don't give them the beer that fuels their stupidity and bravado. Have effective security throughout the stadium, not just on the field level.

And while we're at it, let's keep everyone from running out on to the field. It certainly can't help the idiotic rationale of a drunk at a baseball game to see players running in from the bullpen or out of their dugouts to join in on a bench clearing brawl. As the English poet Samuel Johnson once wrote, almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble. On the same night of the attack, there was Frank Thomas, after getting plunked by Kansas City starter Miguel Asencio, pointing his baseball bat at Asencio and waving it around like a weapon before being restrained by several players. One event isn't directly related to the other but then again, allowing players to storm the field and players to wave their baseball bats menacingly like weapons isn't going to help remind fans of their own need for self-restraint.

For whatever is ultimately done to prevent a repeat of a fan running on to the field in attack, there's only one thing that matters and that is that the response works. Without holes, without excuses. There's no reason for the next experience to have to be the bitterest. Wasn't one Monica Seles enough?