Nearly A Quarter Finished

"Success is counted sweetest by those who ne'er succeed." -- Emily Dickinson

Now that the baseball season is already one quarter complete, I thought it might be a good time to assess the question of whose start defies the imagination more, the 26-15 start of the Montreal/San Juan Expos or the 24-15 start of the Kansas City Royals and which of them, if either, is likely to continue to baffle us with their success.

The success of the Expos shouldn't need someone like Anita the phone psychic to foresee. After all, they finished 2nd in the NL East last year, above .500 and closed the season out on a 4 game winning streak. Brad Wilkerson was named the Sporting News NL Rookie of the Year and Vladimir Guerrero was named to the publication's NL All-Star Team. Jose Vidro was an allstar starter. Bartolo Colon won 20 games and Javier Vasquez, while not pitching in his usual spectacular fashion, was one of the most coveted young pitchers in the off season.

But let's be honest, who really thought of the Expos as a playoff team? One minute they were on Bud Selig's endangered species list and the next they're contenders? It seemed fluky, like the incomprehensible success of a talentless dreg like keen eddie. Then they traded away Bartolo Colon in exchange for down-and-outers like the Orlando Hernandez, RHP Rocky Biddle and the outfield stiff, Jeff Liefer. And who really thought the 67 year old manager, Frank Robinson, wouldn't eventually succumb to jet lag and burn out from all those "home" games in Puerto Rico?

And yet, there they are today, still in second place, a feisty 25-15 record to show for their troubles, only 2 1/2 games behind the Braves with the third best record in the National League. How are they doing it? Despite Orlando Cabrera's sudden power surge and the presence of Vlad the Impaler in their lineup, they are in the middle of the pack in just about every single batting category as a team, the perfect .500 club. But their pitching has been outstanding. They are third in the NL in ERA, and they've thrown more shutouts than anyone else and are 8-3 in one run ballgames. Zach Day, who pitched out of the bullpen last season, is 4-1 with a 2.73 ERA as a starter. Led by Joey Eischen (a 1.84 ERA in 21 appearances so far), Scott Stewart (a 2.29 ERA in 21 appearances)and Rocky Biddle, who has remained as unspectacular with the Expos as he was with the White Sox but still somehow has 10 saves and 3 wins, the bullpen has been one of the better ones in the league.

As Marc Griffin tells us, il y a 50 bonnes raisons de venir voir les Expos.

But will they last the season? For one, the Braves look like they're back to their regular ways now and after sweeping them in the season's opening series, the Expos were in turn swept by the Braves in their next series. But the Phillies are decidedly unspectacular, despite the splashy off-season signings while the Mets and the Marlins are laughingstocks at best. Stats padders. Playing in arguably the weakest division in the National League, the Expos have a good shot at keeping pace and while currently they are 3 1/2 games ahead of Houston for the wildcard spot, it seems highly unlikely they will outdistance Houston, St. Louis, or Cincinnati for an entire season.

The true mystery is the Kansas City Royals at 24-15 although some perspective can be gained by pointing out that since their 15-3 start, they are now on a more realistic 9-12 roll. I mean, c'mon. Is Runelvys Hernandez the April pitcher with the 4-0 record and 1.36 ERA or the May pitcher with the 0-3 record and 5.89 ERA? How much can the "positive attitude" of manager Tony Pena mean when they are 5-7 against teams with winning records? They haven't played the Yankees, A's, or Mariners yet. This is a team that is melting already and the weather hasn't even gotten warm yet.

I guess one of the primary reason I hate the Royals is because of their asshat owner, David Glass. Last winter Glass directed GM Allard Baird to cut $10 million from the $47.6 million payroll the Royals had in 2002, even though the Royals were projected to receive $19 million in revenue-sharing funds at the end of this season under baseball's new basic agreement. Of course, the early success of the Royals puts Glass in the uncomfortable position of having to trade good players to cut even more salary, or suck it up, make less profit and pacify Royals fans by adding to the payroll. So the Royals, in defiance of Glass, will have to continue to put up good numbers through the All Star break. In some ways, I'm rooting for them to succeed, just to put Glass in that position. Maybe then he'll sell the team to someone who is actually interested in giving Kansas City the kind of franchise it deserves. But don't count on it. The Royals are fading fast and it won't be long before even the White Sox have jumped ahead of them.

*****

Finding positives in the Mess season is like trying to figure out reasons why you should consider Kathy Bates' bared, aged and sagging breasts in the hot tub scene of About Schmidt the hottest scene of this year's movies.

Yesterday in the fourth inning, Andres Galarraga led off by popping up in front of the plate. For most teams, an average sort of fielding play and poof, one out. For the Mess, it became yet another comedic spectacle of ineptitude. Piazza barely broke for it from behind home plate (just imagine him trying to handle a line drive hit towards first base!), Wigginton arrived as if he were coming from another time zone instead of third base and Leiter stood there admiring it like it was a lunar eclipse. So the ball plops on the ground. Man on first.

As if that wasn't enough bonehead for your money, a few batters later, with runners on first and third, the PITCHER, sends a comebacker to Leiter for an easy inning-ending double play. Instead of whipping the ball to second to start a double play, Leiter stares off Galarraga at third as though the lead-footed 41 year old was suddenly a danger to break for home plate?! A few seconds later, when Leiter finally throws the ball to second, it is of course, far too late for a double play and the Giants went on to score three runs.

Someone try and tell me these kinds of idiotic mental errors, so prevelent in Mess games this season, isn't the fault of the manager. Hula Howe has the Mess so relaxed they've all become somnabulists. If it were possible, the first two things their shamelessly unfit excuse for an owner, dear Mr. Wilpon should do is fire GM Steve Phillips and do whatever it takes to get Omar Minaya back to the Mets to replace him and then let Minaya work out who should manage the team since Howe has this team playing like the Bad News Bears. Minaya, once the senior assistant general manager of the Mets, has proven himself a miracle worker in Montreal and is the only available solution to the disaster that is the Mess roster.

*****

I have to admit, I believed the hype about the Lakers. I believed they could turn it on at will. I believed they would win it all again. That's why their complete collapse in the last quarter and a half against the Spurs was so shocking. I drank the Phil Jackson kool aid. But not having to watch that fat blowhard Jack Nicholson screaming insanely courtside will be a relief. Nicholson has now surpassed Spike Lee as the most annoying personality at NBA games.

Anyone still ready to argue against Tim Duncan's MVP award? A final showcasing the two most valuable players left in the NBA, Duncan and Kidd, could make for the first exciting NBA finals since the Rockets dumped the Knicks in '93-'94, the series that had the OJ chase scene interrupt the middle of Game 6.

*****

I have to admit that I don't know anything about horse racing. I went to the Belmont Stakes a few times and about the only thing I noted was that horse racing fans are great drunks. Given my vast experience in handicapping, how can I go against a horse named "New York Hero" at 20-1 odds? Easy. Funny Cide is a New York-bred gelding. So here we go:

1. Cherokee's Boy
2. Funny Cide
3. Kissin Saint