Who Is On First?

"You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it." Art Buchwald

The Mess just get messier. I return from a two week sabbatical from the artless bunglings of the Mess mismanagement just in time to see another firestorm erupt.

To fully appreciate the degree of incompetence employed by the Mess in this latest fiasco one should first recognize that the addled braintrust was actually trying to get something right for the first time. While fans have been calling for the move of Piazza's dead-arm catcher's act to first base for more than a season and a half, the Mess mismanagement has historically only trepidly broached the issue with Piazza, each time rebuffed by Piazza himself, who until now, had selfishly placed his own desire to be seen as the best hitting catcher of all time above the needs of his teammates not to have a defensive liability behind the plate.

Piazza has noted all along that he didn't care what anyone thought, he didn't care that his offensive numbers have been falling fast due to the wear and tear of his position. He didn't care that his inability to throw out runners trying to steal was causing chaos for his pitchers every time a runner got on base. He didn't care that his obstinate pride to remain a catcher and only a catcher was shortening his career.

Now he doesn't have a choice and the Mess mismanagement has once again proven its inability to even get the simple things right, miscommunicating the long-awaited move of their franchise player by telling everyone but Piazza about it in advance.

There was no real way to make the transition smooth. It should have been insisted upon during the off season that Piazza prep for some first baseman's duties this season. After all, Fat Mo, even if he had been able to hit his weight, was always just another wobbling injury waiting to happen and Piazza could have transitioned into this move gradually and gracefully, a few games here, a few games there until he was comfortable. But it wasn't insisted upon. Piazza insisted he was a catcher and only a catcher.

Instead, there was Hula Howe, the man who has pledged that team business would stay in the clubhouse, blabbing to the media that Piazza was soon going to be taking grounders at first before Piazza had been consulted. There was the perpetually inept General Mismanager Steve Phillips insisting Piazza was "very receptive" to making the switch that Piazza hadn't even been approached about.

I've got to surrender because I don't know what else to say right now." Piazza noted after the controversy took root during yesterday's batting practice.

On the other hand, getting tossed into the fire like he did is perhaps Piazza's own fault for his obstinant refusal to volunteer to at least try to learn to play first. Such selfishness speaks loudly about why Piazza is no clubhouse leader, despite his lofty offensive numbers. Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise that having been painted into the corner, he must finally do what is right.

But it doesn't excuse the idiotic manner the Mess handled it and now, with the cat out of the bag and no time for transition, it won't be long before everyone begins the unrealistic expectations that Piazza start making the move to first immediately. Cliff Floyd estimated it took him 4 1/2 months to learn how to play first base. "I needed an entire season of the Arizona Fall League...at least 100 ground balls every day." Making such a transition in the middle of the season will probably spell alot of comedic ineptness for slow-footed Piazza this year, if he can make the transition at all. It probably also cements the belief that this season is already a wash and the best thing that Mess fans have to look forward to is whatever prospects they might be able to land for Roberto Alomar and Armando Benitez by mid season and, perhaps most importantly, the joy we will all feel when Steve Phillips is finally released like a long awaited end to a spell of bad constipation.

*****

I don't guess there is anything to be said in defense of Bob Ryan for his remarks about wanting to "smack" Jason Kidd's wife. But from what I've seen of Joumana Kidd and looking at the physical shape Bob Ryan is in, my guess is Joumana could probably kick Bob Ryan's ass anyway so the threat is an idle one at best. Was it mere irony that Ryan chose such words for a woman who had already been punched by her husband on one occasion? Bob Ryan makes his living using words and one would think that by now, would have learned to use them more judiciously but beyond that, these hysterical calls for him to lose his job over an idiotic and insensitive, yet essentially innocuous remark, are misguided. In a world of easily excitable political correctionists, I'm amazed that Ryan was able to keep his job but any punishment stronger than the one meted out would have been yet another overzealously enforced dose of official morality that we can all do without.

*****

I'm still trying to figure out what Abe Pollin was thinking when he sent Michael Jordan packing without explanation. It was a move on such a par with poor judgement you'd think he was the owner of the New York Mess. Then again, Pollin has done nothing right with his franchise since the heady days of Wes Unseld and Elvin Hayes in 1978 when they won the World Championship. Every once in a while, they open a spigot of hope, like the trade for Chris Webber or the signing of Michael Jordan, only to screw it up so badly that the franchise ends up worse off than when it started. So now they've alienated the man whose name is synonymous with the sport, they've in essence, given up on the team that was being built and the coach who had been hired to build it, the acting General Manager has unofficially retired and the franchise is once again in the far-too-familiar position of rebuilding. But Abe Pollin has proven he's the man in charge. Good work, Abe. If you live to be a hundred you still won't see that "one more championship" you profess to want so much.