The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials. --Chinese Proverb

I can't decide which is more absurd: that whining Yankee fans would accuse Roger Clemens of nothing short of treason and being a turncoat two-timer after he backed off his decision to retire and decided to sign with the Houston Astros instead, or the ridiculous attempt by Clemens to smooth ruffled Yankee fan feathers by confessing that "I still consider myself a Yankee."

I still consider myself a Yankee?

Awww, isn't that sweet? Now how about a mouthful of chin music to go with it, Roger?

After years of brushback pitches, beanings and intimidation, it was pleasing to learn that Roger Clemens is coming back to get his just desserts by joining the National League where he will have to take his own stand at the plate and present his own skull for beanball-shattering every fifth or sixth night. "I don't think (Astros owner) Drayton McLane got me here to hit .350 or .340, so I'm not too concerned," Clemens said. "Bunting and being able to handle the bat a little bit might help me stay in the game longer. But as far as pitching inside, you're going to hit batters, and I don't have a concern about that."

Odd, but if you check out the stats at NetShrine on something coined the brushback average, you'll find that Pedro the Lion, by the end of the 2001 season anyway, ranked ahead of all other pitchers in brushbacks whilst Roger Clemens was only ranked 38th All-Time, behind Randy Johnson and new Yankee mercenary Kevin Brown. The problem I see with this brushback average is that it doesn't weigh incidents where the pitcher in question not only brushes back, but nearly smashes in the skull of a batter.

What they do note is HBPs and even here, Roger doesn't necessarily shine. True enough, he was tied for 10th for all-time hit batsmen but if you have a look, you'll see that Dutch hero and former Twin Burt Blyleven (ranked 6th All-Time,) hit more batters in his career than Clemens. Blyleven, of course, better known as the Dutchman the Hall of Fame Voters Hate and is a guy who finished in the Top 10 in ERA in 10 different seasons; in the top 10 for innings pitched 11 times. In a 22 year career, he was in the league?s K/9 top 10 14 times; 15 times he was one of the top 10 strikeout artists in the league. In fact, he?s 5th on the all-time strikeout list. He was in his league?s top 10 in ERA+ 11 times. But I suppose this is another rant, for another day.

Perhaps more interesting is that Al Leiter, one of the Mets' infamous pair of antediluvian starters, is tied for 88th All-Time which makes one wonder what might happen when Roger comes back to New York, which is most likely: that he will already be on the DL? That he will be beaned in his first at-bat? That he will pitch six innings of six-hit shutout ball and strike out Mike "Don't call me to first base" Piazza twice while the Mets lose another?

Speaking of the Mets losing another, I have to admit, the winter turned out a little better than I'd imagined. Fat Mo announced he's out for the entirety of the 2004 season because he can't find the amount of material and thread it will take to tailor a sumo wrestler-sized tent with a Mets logo on it to wear during Spring Training. They lost out on signing Vladimir Guerrero and the opportunity to see yet another titanic-splashy free agent signing go to waste. (And let's be clear on the fact that no matter what happens in Anaheim, had Guerrero signed with the Mets he would have been injured by mid-March and would hit a career low .260 with 10 homers and 39 RBIs in a grand total of 67 games whilst spending the majority of his season on the DL or near the DL with Mets fans booing him at every plate appearance by July.)

On the other hand, I didn't expect the Mets to be able to sign Kaz Matsui and Mike Cameron. The Kazman seemed tailor-made to be a teaser who would end up signing somewhere else after everyone at Shea got their hopes up. Unlike Guerrero, I think Kaz will be an unmitigated success for the Mets and will be worth every penny he's paid. Besides, it's about time they started up a sushi concession stand at Shea, isn't it?

Let's count out Jeremy Griffiths as one of the contenders for the Mets' fifth starting spot this season. He went 1-2 with a 6.94 ERA for Gigantes Del Cibao in the Dominican Republic winter league. You've got to begin to wonder about your career track when you post a 6.94 ERA in the Dominican winter league.

On the other hand, if those stats are any indication of reality, where the hell are the Mets going to fit Victor Diaz, yet another second baseman? Diaz, acquired from the Dodgers for Jeremy Burnitz, hit .354 once he joined the AA Binghampton Mets and is tearing up the Dominican League playoffs this winter, hitting .484 with a homer and 8 RBIs in 8 games so far. To put that in perspective, fromer Yankee castoff D'Angelo Jimenez led the league in batting this season with a .360 average and Esteban Yan went 5-0 with a 2.22 ERA.

During the playoffs, by the way, Diaz teammates Raul Mondesi is hitting .125 for those same Aguilas del Cibao and Miquel Tejada and Luis Polonia are hitting .410 and .318 respectively. Meanwhile people like Jose Offerman are busy hitting .375 with a pair of homers and 10 RBIs in 10 postseason games. What does it all mean? It means that if MLB ever follows through with its threat to expand internationally, the team I'm going to root hardest to make it in will be the Culiacan Tomato Growers, not the Gigantes.

*****

Approximately a month to go before pitchers and catchers report and Greg Maddux still doesn't have a home. Currently a free agent being hunted by his former team, the Chicago Cubs, Maddux's homelessness might be attributed to a sub-par season in 2003. Of course, most pitchers would be happy with Maddux's closing numbers last fall and he finished well, going 9-3 with a 3.03 ERA after the All-Star break. He'd be a nice break in between Prior and Wood and Maddux was also 2-0 against Houston and St. Louis, allowing one earned run in 14 innings against the Cubs' top two division rivals. It would certainly prove a spike to offset the Astros signing of Petitte (and of course, the intellectually-disabled Texan, Roger Clemens.)

As you may recall, the last time Maddux was a free agent after the 1992 season the New York Yankees made the highest offer at $37.5 million, acceding to Maddux's demand of an extra $5 million for the "psychological hardship" of living in New York. But Maddux wound up signing a five-year, $28 million deal with the Braves, rejecting the Cubs offer of $27.5 million for five years, plus another $1.5 million in incentives. This time around he's only being offered between $14-15 million for two years.

Considering the market this off season, it's doubtful that Maddux will be getting psychological hardship pay to go anywhere and chances are, the only reason he's not signed with the Cubs yet is because Super Whore Agent, Satan Boras is hoping to spark some sort of absurd bidding war between the Mets and the Cubs or the Yankees and the Cubs or to get the Hanshin Tigers to top their re-signing of The Fat Toad by adding Maddux to the staff. Irabu reportedly got 700 million yen for two years after going 13-8 with a 3.85 average. Imagine what Whoras could get for Maddux in Japan if a stiff like Irabu gets 700 million yen (which is what, like $1,400 worth of geishas and Kobe beef cutlets?)

Championships

So they think this team is an offensive juggernaut. The Colts have scored 79 points and amassed 913 yards in high octane victories over Denver and Kansas City. The genetically-altered QB Peyton Manning has been as close to perfect as any playoff quarterback in recent memory, with eight touchdown passes and no interceptions. However, Manning has his flaws besides the residue of a bad bout with acne and that is his 2-7 career record against the Patriots, 0-4 at Foxboro, and 1-4 since Belichick became New England's coach in 2000.

Meanwhile, on the defensive side, the Patriots have allowed only 82 points in nine home games.

So yes, the classic defense versus offense and in the NFL, we know who always wins that battle.

The Patriot defense has surrendered only three touchdowns at Gillette Stadium, and one of them was a garbage-time score against Jacksonville more than a month ago, so look for Indy kicker Vanderjagt, he of the 41 straight field goals, to have a busy day trying to boot them in from 50 yards out all afternoon.

For all intents and purposes, this is the Super Bowl. Patriots 17 - Colts 16

In the late matchup, doomed to disappoint after such a scintillating start in New England, losing is a baaad habit and the Eagles are good at it. At least in NFC Championship games where in the last two seasons they've lost to the Rams in St Louis by a 29-24 margin and then were shocked by Tampa Bay, 27-10 in the final game at Veterans Stadium. Is three the charm or the third strike?

Last week, before I knew McNabb was going to toss a miracle, I was boldly predicting a crap team like Carolina, if they had to play in Philly, to lose by a 38-0 margin. Of course, teams have a way of skipping into the postseason, defeating team after team no one thinks they can beat and well, let's think about it, the Rams, the Pats, the Bucs...is this the Year of the Panthers?

It's too hard to say, really. On one hand, you want to root for the Iggles to play the Patriots in a worthy Super Bowl on the other hand, the juggernauts of fate often hand out the wrong prizes to the wrong teams at the wrong parties, so there's always that stilted chance that the defensive wizardry of Mr. Fox will prevail in a game broadcast by Fox.

The 1970 Cadaco Foto-Electronic Football indicated the final score to be:

The McNabbs 13 - Carolina 21.


A Cautionary Tale

Before Knicks fans swallow their own tongues with excitement about the unshackling of the much-hated Don Chaney, the addition of Lenny Wilkens and a 108-88 rout of Seattle Friday night at Madison Square Garden, it should be noted that even the lowly Washington Wizards defeated those same SuperSonics a night later, leading one to believe that Wilkens' inaugural victory was little more than incompetence defeating debility. The Sonics, after all, have now lost four in a row and that Wilkens has followed that with a victory over the decidedly insufficient 12-28 Chicago Bulls proves only that the Knicks have mastered beating up on the likes of the CBA-calibre. Let's save wild claims of an MSG renaissance for after they play in Houston next week or face San Antonio the week after.

Besides, how can we start the party before 7-2 240 pound Cezary Trybanski, the giant we got from Phoenix plays his second game as a Knick? Trybanski was just placed on the Injured List with left patella tendinitis. Life is tough at the top.