Oh please may I hear another story about how dour and uncolourful Bill Belichick is? Oh please may I hear that story again about John Fox that tells of what a transformation he's overseen at Carolina?

Oh please can read about how there aren't any superstars on Carolina or how this time New England has to be the favourite instead of the underdog?

Oh please can I read another article about why the BCS is a disaster and please can that article have all the cliches of how to fix it?

Oh please can someone else tell me why Pete Rose is the antichrist and doesn't to deserve to be in the Hall of Fame?

Oh please will someone else wax poetic on the CFL?

Oh please can you tell me why having Cameron and Reyes and Kaz in the middle of the defense will make a difference when you still have three hop Piazza pantomiming throwing out runners at second base?

Oh please tell me why Bud Selig can't be the Archduke Ferdinand of Major League Baseball?

Oh please will someone demonstrate to me how John Gruden can be the Holy Grail one season and not even in the postseason the next?

Oh please can you give the NY Knicks what they want? Willis Reed limping, saving the day, over and over again?

Oh please can you tell me the Yankees fans won't revel in that moment of realisation when the most overrated pitcher on the planet called Pettitte pitches for Houston and gets bombed over and over until his back fails or his shoulder hurts and then Roger Clemens comes running and pulls a groin or hurts himself like some other 45 year old man might in similar circumstances?

Oh please can you erase the WNBA?

Oh please can you give Mike Schmidt his due?

Oh please can you make me watch another thirty seconds of ESPN because I might have missed the subtle hip hop nuances and meanings?

Oh please can I watch another 12 consecutive hours of Super Bowl pregame hype = please times a trillion?

Oh please can my life revolve around billion dollar commercials that only famous people or computer graphics can act in?

Oh please can I see the Patriots falling behind early? Oh please can I see Carolina because I see all the other teams every year, like, I dunno Tampa, Baltimore, St Louis, all those teams that had shite quarterbacks and no one said stood a chance?

Oh please can I hear another hurrah for Tom Brady?

Oh please can I see another interception?

Oh please can I be in Las Vegas?

Oh please can I be a seven point underdog too if I study hard and go to school?

Oh please.

Carolina 20 NE 16