Sunday Morning Worship Of Unsubstantiated Opinions

"An honest tale speeds best, being plainly told." -- William Shakespeare from "King Richard III"

Bush Conspiracy: In wake of the Dontrelle Willis success story, is there a plausible excuse why the Blue Jays, ranked 21st in the Major Leagues in pitching, aren't giving David Bush a shot? Bush has gone 12-4 this season with a 2.50 ERA between Class A Dunedin and the AA New Haven Ravens, who play in historic Yale Field. Since moving up to AA, Bush is 5-1 with a 2.05 ERA and has thrown 20 shutout innings over his last three starts. Willis was 23-5 with a 2.42 ERA in 48 appearances at the A and AA levels.

More on the Marlins Bandwagon: Over the last 30 days, the Marlins staff has a collective 3.51 ERA which would rank them second in the Major Leagues behind the Los Angeles Dodgers. But pitching at home really sets it out loud and clear. In 51 starts at home between them, the starting five of Pavano, Redman, Penny, Willis and Beckett, have turned in 319 innings pitched, with a 2.99 and a collective 24-13 record, 246 strikeouts and 84 walks. In the last 153 2/3 innings the starters have pitched, the defense has caused only 3 unearned runs. In fact, the Marlins are 5th in baseball in fielding. And guess who has 122 stolen bases on the season? They outsteal the league by leaps and bounds. After the Marlins, the Expos had the most steals, managing to hustle up only 70. Pitching. Defense. Speed. Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to Your 2003 Florida Marlins.

Payroll Shmayroll Theory: The Commissioner's Office, a very shadowy, secretive place with no website that I could dig up anywhere, issued through the auspices of the Major League Baseball website, the latest payroll figures for each team as of July 22, 2003. Pay Careful Attention. Of the Top Five Highest Payrolls, only two, the Yankees and the Red Sox, are playoff probables, which is the SAME number of playoff probables you get digging through the Five Lowest Payrolls which consists in part, of the Royals and the A's.

TOP 5 PAYROLLS
1. Yankees: 180.3
2. Mets 116.2
3. Dodgers 109.2
4. Rangers 106.2
5. Red Sox 104.8

BOTTOM 5 PAYROLLS
1. Devil Rays 31.6
2. Expos 45.8
3. Brewers 47.2
4. Royals 48.4
5. A's 56.5

What do you get for your money? The Top Five Highest payrolls have combined for 275 victories while The Bottom Five payrolls have managed 263 wins. The Top Five spent 616.7 million dollars, outspending The Bottom Five by 387.2 million dollars. In other words, those extra 12 victories cost on average, 32.2 million dollars apiece. How's that for thrifty?

Happy Anniversary Pop Quiz: Pick one of the following:
Over the last year, with a 65-99 record, the Mets have been to baseball like

A. Heathcliff Slocum was to Jason Varitek and Derek Lowe
B. David Wells is to discretion
C. Surplus is to stability
D. Stuart Scott is to the English Language.

Wound Too Tight: Tony LaRussa had to put ice on his hand and shoulder after venting a little too hard during the Mets 5 run rally in the 9th on Saturday. I guess Tony is too old and fragile to just snap a bat like a twig over his thigh a la Bo Jackson.

Perks to Getting Up At 5 AM To Watch Jets First Exhibition: Find out that the Jets have no cheerleaders so were assigned an "all star cast of Japanese cheerleaders" which, through the illusion of modern rhetoric and the assistance of the stadium announcer, suddenly became the "Cheerleaders of the NY Jets". If you want to know the "real" difference, compare the results of a Google search using the terms "Cheerleaders of the NY Jets" and "Japanese Cheerleaders" and you'll find out all you need to know.

I know it's very early in the NFL season but there's already a Dumbest Excuse candidate:

"We were a little confused as to the time because it's about 6 in the morning to us," explained defensive lineman John Abraham as to why the Jets defense looked so asleep in their 30-14 loss to Tampa Bay in Japan. Of course, this doesn't explain why Tampa Bay, a team coming from the same timezone, only gave up 14 points instead of 30. This excuse will work the next time the Jets play Tazikistan in an exhibition game in Japan but for now, it's best to to admit you had too much saki and steaks massaged with beer.

The guy I would have wanted to be my tour guide for Tokyo with the Jets would have been linebacker Mo Lewis who, after he got out of the game and was asked what he thought the best part of being in Tokyo was, replied "Playing in Tokyo I guess. I don't know." Hmmm. And they say Paul Theroux is a great travel writer. He's got nothing on old Mo.