The Elbow That The Long Term Contract Forgot

"The left elbow has always awaited that final, fat contract before squawking its last protest and blowing out entirely. I'd even imagined that while signing the contract with the Astros, it will later be revealed, the final flourish in his signature was the telling blow and that horrific ligament damage had been sustained in the left elbow even as the ink was drying." - Sports Amnesia, 11th December 2003 on the Pettitte signing.

Well that certainly didn't take long,did it then? Boy Blunder, Andy Pettite, has already landed on the DL in a move Sports Amnesia has been predicting since before Christmas when he first signed his massive disability of a contract, the three-year, $31.5-million monster. An MRI exam on Thursday revealed inflammation in the left elbow and a strain in his flexor tendon, according to the Astros. The strain occurred on a checked swing Tuesday, when Pettitte gave up six runs on 11 hits and two walks over 5 1/3 innings while losing to the Giants 7-5 in his Astros debut. Sounds like he was doing himself a favour getting "hurt" swinging a baseball bat.

What Sports Amnesia now awaits with bated breath is to see Roger Clemens limping to the trainer's table, pieces of his rotator, elbow and knees falling off his aging body with each step forward he takes.

It's nothing personal against the Astros as an organisation. For them, it was a vision of a media coup that corrupted them. For me, it is a certain uneasiness I feel seeing two athletes, in an hysterical free agent market of selfishness and movement, joining together in a faery tale of love and harmony, holding hands as Roger Clemens marches off resolutely into the sunset.

And speaking of Roger, to the disappointment of millions, instead of getting beaned in the head for his first at-bat, he slapped a hit and run single and didn't even "strain" his elbow doing it. But there's hope yet. On Tuesday against the Cardinals, he is due to face Jeff Suppan and the St Louis Cardinals. Suppan hit 8 batters last season pitching for the Red Sox and the Pirates, but hasn't hit anyone yet in 2004 in his four innings of miraculously inept pitching and 13.50 ERA. Could Roger be his man? Will Suppan's low-90s fastball strike up a little chin music for Roger's Busch Stadium debut or will Suppan, perhaps angry and frustrated over his measly million dollar contract, have already been blown out of the box by the time Clemens comes up as the 9th batter to take his licks?

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Mets Mufflings

Is it true? Dare I believe that the slugger, the catcher with the first baseman's arm, our own mighty Mike Piazza, has FINALLY lain down the gauntlet and dared play a game at first base?

Why indeed it is. And owed perhaps, to the daffy and controvertible manager Art Howe's mystifying ploy to play Piazza as few innings as possible at first base during Spring Training when he might have benefited from a little practice, three hop Piazza looked somewhat clownish in his debut and even managed to hurt himself in the process.

After getting run into on a play at first by the diminutive and rather powerless Peter Bergeron, Piazza rolled around for a few minutes, probably wondering if his chase for the home run record for a catcher was still intact. Piazza stayed in the game, though he still appeared to be shaken up later in the inning. Even after the game, he was rubbing the elbow and said he was day-to-day with a sprained neck and a sore right elbow.

The additional good news was the perenially injured Cliff Floyd is....(drum roll please)....hurt again! That's right, neck in neck with supahstah Jose Reyes in the "Most Fragile Met" contest, Floyd pulled up gimpy yesterday with strained quadriceps muscle that will see him join Reyes on the DL. What that means, combined with Piazza's bungling at first, is that the lineup for the home opener at Shea today might be minus Piazza and may even feature an outfield that includes Shane Spencer and Jeff Duncan, who is expected to be at Shea on Monday. Now that, ladies and gentleman, is worth the price of admission.

Now that the Mets have finally rid themselves of Roger Cedeno, who you will be pleased to note, has taken Met-itis with him to St Louis and is himself on the DL, and now that Armandogeddon has lodged his fourth consecutive meaningless save for the Marlins, Sports Amnesia has decided to concentrate on two primary scapegoats to kick around all season.

Way back in November I was itching for a trade to make the Mets Piazza-less. In my winded hallucination full of hope and weird angles, I ventured a trade of Piazza to the White Sox for fastball and slurve fireball reliever Damaso Marte, nothing else but speedy centerfielder Aaron Rowand and tossed in for star quality, the inpregnable Yofu Tetsu who was 9-8 with a 3.50 ERA last year and got rained out of his first start yesterday against the Diamond Jacks of Jackson, MS in what was sure to be a sparkling debut.

This demonstrates my qualifications as Met front office guru. But simply because I don't fall in love with my own players, crawling on all fours and drooling with lust and envy like the unembarassable Met owner Wilpon, I won't even get considered for the job. Yes, with that column, I fired the opening salvo in demonstrating a particularly fetid and Met-like skill at FUBAR transaction making. Instead of Piazza's hilarious first base act, Met fans would instead be treated to seeing the centerfield of the future, Rowland, starting off his season with a .176 batting average and 0 RBIs in 17 at bats so far this season. And certainly Marte would have aided the bullpen. He's seen action in two games so far this season, pitching a total of one full inning whilst surrendering a mind-snuffing four hits and three earned runs giving him a 27.00 ERA thus far. Bright beginnings. Met beginnings.

More importantly, my number one scapegoat for the season still does not have his own Fire Art Howe website yet and if the lads over in Queens are just to confused about deciphering the disabled list, perhaps I'm just going to have to get off my arse and do it myself! So stay tuned, Hula Howe fans. By the time you read another dose of Sports Amnesia, there will be a Fire Art Howe Already website near you.

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Speaking of managers on the chopping block, how about Larry Bowa? Why, The Sporting News have already taken a wide swipe at him by tabbing Charlie Manuel as the NL manager of the year this season - of course, Charlie Manuel is not a manager yet this season but the obvious implication was that Bowa will be fired early and Manuel will take over to pull a Jack McKeon and lead the Phillies to the promised land. Good one.

Not being a Phillies fan, it doesn't matter to me if they ever fire Larry Bowa. He's easy to make fun of and his players hate him. Not a bad beginning but I'd like to see how much worse of a start the actual Philly fan would tolerate before the demand for his scalp grows louder. The Phillies, every wanker's pick for first in the NL East this season, just suffered their fourth straight loss of the infant season and were nearly no hit in the process.

Not that Bowa is all alone on the plank. Loser Kevin Millwood, supposedly the wunderkind of the rotation, dropped his second game without a victory. Millwood has neatly summed up the Phillies thus far:

"We're a very good team, but either we hit well and don't pitch or we pitch well and don't hit. That's not a good combination."

Despite the collective .225 batting average and being firmly nestled in last place in the NL East already four games behind the Marlins, Bowa said he plans to stick with his regulars when the Phillies open their new Citizens Bank Park today. "We've got good hitters," he said. "They just haven't hit." Hmmmm. He just might be on to something there.

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Biggest home openers today are Barry Bonds chasing Willie Mays in San Francisco, Greg Maddux and his Wrigley homecoming, and the Kaz Man, if he can avoid injury on the flight back from Puerto Rico, will get his Shea debut. Incidentally, as the holiest of all baseball shrines, Shea Stadium will be celebrating its 40th consecutive season as America's most hideous sports stadium.

*****

I know it's early but which is more surprising, the collective 3-15 record of the Phillies, Seattle Mariners and Toronto Blue Jays, or the fact that the Detroit Tigers won their first four games of the season?

I've got to double check it isn't the Ebola virus, but I might even be suffering from a dose of Tiger Fever already.

"You can feel the excitement in the air," said Richard Hunter, 35, of Westland. "People have Pudge-fever. Tiger-fever. Baseball is back in Detroit."

Hang on! What's this? Tigers in first place, the Pistons are zooming along at a .663 clip and have won seven games in a row, the Red Wings currently lead the Western Conference quarterfinals against Nashville 2 games to 1 and by cracky, even the goddamned Lions, holding the 6th pick overall in this year's draft have...well, signed notorious third string QB Rick Mirer to be their third string QB. Coach Mariucci is even on record saying the Lions can rebound from their league low of 10 victories the last three seasons to be contenders this season in the NFC North.

Dare I say it? Has Detroit become the Sports Mecca of America??!!

Why, they've certainly surpassed Cleveland, haven't they then? Tigers, better than Indians. Check. Pistons, better than Cavs. Check. Red Wings, better than....hmmmm, no team at all? Check. Lions, better than Browns? Well, potentially, check, realistically, stay tuned.