Euro 2004 - First Week Edition

One week since the kickoff of the shocking 2-1 opening tournament victory of Greece over Portugal, Sports Amnesia has some tips, observations and further predictions.

Euro 2004's Worst Side

The nominees are the Russians and the Bulgarians, both of whom have failed to score in either match they've played. The Russians have been outscored by Portugal and Spain by a 3-0 margin and the Bulgarians have been outscored by the Danes and the Swedes by a 7-0 margin. For those who think that having the Russian players' wives flaunt nekkid photos of themselves wasn't inspirational simply because the Russian team has looked limp, lackluster and lamentable in their two scoreless outings, just think about what those scores against the Spanish and Portugese would have been without some delicious Russian flesh to fill their dreams in the Komsomolskaya Pravda every day. After all, if the Bulgarians can lose to an the Swedes 5-0, what might have stopped the Russians from losing 10-0 to an inspired Portugese side were it not for those wanton wives? Well, if you listen to Bulgairan national coach Plamen Markov it's all in the defence. "We should have been more defensive in the first game," he said, referring to the 5-0 drubbing by Sweden. Hmmmm. What a novel concept. Perhaps this enlightnment is why they only lost 2-0 to the Danes. Rediscovered their defence.

Whilst Latvia was long considered the shoe-in for this award, (and who wouldn't have made them favourites after having won just two of their matches in 2004, beating Slovenia and Kazakhstan, drawing with Azerbaijan and Iceland, whilst losing to Belarus, Hungary and the Czech Republic?), the fact that they opened the scoring against the Czechs the other day despite losing, already puts them one up on the Russians and Bulgarians.

And today might even see them add to their list of accomplishments. The Latvians have faced the Germans only twice, in the nascent Nazi years of 1935 and 1937, and lost both matches by a 6-1 aggregate. This was the beginning of the end. Not long thereafter, the effects of the infamous Molotov-Ribbentrop agreement of 1939 had steadily forced Latvia under Soviet influence until August 5, 1940, when the Soviet Union finally annexed Latvia. It hasn't been a pretty last century for the Latvians to date but even a draw against the Germans would invoke a modicum of deserved nationalist fervor.

Upset Specialists

Perhaps the biggest upset of Euro 2004 has been how few upsets there have been. Sure, the opening match saw Greece knock off host Portugal 2-1 and then saw them draw against Spain and currently see them leading their group. But these aren't really upsets. First of all, Portugal and Spain are notorious underachievers who choke in the clutch and second of all, the Greeks were no pushovers to begin with, despite their lack of positive PR. After all, they qualified ahead of Spain to get here and after losing their first two matches of the qualifiers, went on a tear, winning their last 6 matches by an 8-0 margin, including a 1-0 victory over Spain in Spain, not to mention drawing against Portugal in November in a friendly. Hardly a record of underdogs.

They aren't without their colourful characters either. Otto Rehhagel, the Greek coach, has whinged about the colour of the nets, despite the Greek success: "It is a catastrophe," he said. "They are black. This could only have been the work of some bureaucrat, not a football man. They are mournful, ugly nets. Fans want to see the ball going into white nets."

Indeed, strike another blow for the work of bureaucrats and mournful, ugly nets. Maybe if they'd been white nets, the Greeks wouldn't have found them so often so far.

Francesco Totti

The Italian's lackluster performance to date which see them needing a big victory over Bulgaria to advance, is nothing compared to the humiliation they've suffered at the hands of their star striker caught spitting in the face of Denmark's Christian Poulsen in their opening match draw. Totti is quite a sportsman. In the 2002 World Cup, he was sent off for diving in the closing stages of the match against South Korea which triggered the Azzurri's humiliating exit from the World Cup. Lucky for the Italians, Totti, despite his notoreity, is not a player they can't do without.

The Teens Have It

At the other end of the spectrum, England have fallen hard for their 18 year old new golden boy and national hero, Wayne Rooney, following two strong performances against the French and the Swiss, which included two goals, one of which made him the youngest player ever to score in the European Championships. This isn't a total shocker, as many had forseen this tournament as being Rooney's moment of glory. One particularly clairvoyant punter actually bet £25,000 that Rooney would finish as England's top scorer at Euro 2004.

Now England's manager, Erickson has jumped on the bandwagon, calling Rooney the best teenager he's ever worked with, including Roberto Baggio and Rui Costa.

And don't think this doesn't make the lads at Everton ecstatic. They'll be sorry to see him go but they won't be sorry to pocket at least £45 million when he does.

Lost in all the hoopla has been the impressive debut of Germany's 19 year old Bastian Schweinsteiger, who came on as a substitute in the 68th minute of Tuesday's match against Holland and made several penetrating runs on the right, creating space for himself by being in constant motion and dribbling with dazzle. First of all, you've got to like his name, which means roughly someone who raises pigs in German. This seems apropos, considering the team he plays for. Like Rooney, he's been a bit wild, lost in the excesses of fame and youth. Unlike Rooney, he didn't start, nor did he score, but he has established himself as one of Germany's top young players and future stars. Perhaps these two will go neck-in-neck in the 2006 World Cup some day.

The success of Portugal's Cristiano Ronaldo, despite his idiotic love affair with step-overs at Manchester United, was hardly a surprise. After coming on to score a consolation goal in Portugal's 2-1 loss to Greece, he made a perfect outside-of-the-foot cross that Rui Costa stabbed home for the insurance goal against Russia and has strongly established himself as Rooney's top opponent for Teen of the Tournament. Chances are he will join the starting 11 when Portugal take on Spain in the most important match left in Group A. Portugal hasn’t beaten Spain for 23 years. They played nine months ago in Portugal, and Spain won 3-0. Ronaldo could triggering mass euphoria across Portugal if he leads them into the quarterfinals.

Oddest Stadium of the Lot

Watching the Danes and Bulgarians yesterday, one couldn't help but be stunned by how odd Braga Municipal Stadium looks. The stadium was built in a former stone quarry, and has only two high lateral stands whose roofs are held up by steel cables across the breadth of the pitch. Behind one goal is a rocky hill, into which the 30,000 capacity stadium was built, and on the other is an open plain with a stunning view of a valley. In other words, a missed chance could go sailing over the goal and into the yawp of the valley waiting below.

Today's Matches

On paper, Latvia-Germany hardly looks like a heart-stopper. But Latvia beat Turkey to get here and also beat Sweden recently, so they aren't the mice they appear to be. After Germany's cowardly lone-striker underdog display against Holland Head Chimp Rudi Voller says he is feeling brave enough to use a second striker against Latvia. Even with their single striker option, the German defence looked like Swiss cheese against the underachieving Dutch and one might consider that Maris Verpakovskis, the Latvian speedster who scored against the Czechs, could be a factor again. Rooting with heart instead of head, Sports Amnesia goes with a 1-1 draw.

Czechs against Holland promises to be a very exciting match although Holland's apathetic midfield play when the Dutch idiot Advocaat started Boudewijn Zenden in midfield instead of Wesley Sneijder, would presume the Czechs to have a rather easy time against them. The Czechs have already humiliated the Dutch once in their qualifying round and the are still the sweethearts of this group. Due to Advocaat's stubborn stupidity, mark this down as Czechs 2 Holland 1.

This means the Czechs clinch their group with 6 points, followed by Germany with 2 points, and Latvia and Holland with 1 following today's matches. That sets up the hope that the Dutch beat Latvia and the Czechs humiliate Germany to see the Czechs and Dutch through to the quarterfinals.