Batting Fourth and Playing First Base, The Human Growth Hormone
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me." -- Woody Allen in Annie Hall

Well, the cat's out of the bag. The Giambi brothers copped a plea and finally admitted taking steroids.

The question is not what does this mean for the Giambi brothers, nor the Yankees' luxury tax with Jason's $120 million contract (and maybe even Sheffield's) potentially off the books. Nor is it a question of what it ultimately means for Barry Bonds, Gary Sheffield, Sammy Sosa or any other slugger or player proven to have taken steroids. What is worse still, Giambi's admission calls into question the very intergrity of baseball, a potential scandal running as deep into the fabric of the sport as any since the Black Sox Scandal of 1919.

Just as damaging as wondering at a World Series game whether an error was indeed an error and not an intentional gaffe, or that the infallable closer who suddenly surrenders jumbo homers in the bottom of the 9th of Game Seven has done so because he simply blew it, not because he had money riding on the outcome, this mushroom cloud of steroid use by some of the game's biggest names provokes fans to openly question which accomplishments by which players were achieved by cheating and which were authentic. Believe me, no sport and especially not a sport like baseball whose stats and history play such a prominent role in the spirit of the game, wants its fans questioning the validity of the accomplishments of its players.

So as this category five hurricane of controversy begins to gather strength and speed off the shores of baseball, the question is, what is baseball going to do to mitigate the damage?

Is the roll call of cheaters and confession and of BALCO founder Victor Conte going to be enough to indict the named names? What, if anything, can be trusted about Conte or what he says?

The problems facing baseball is more than just what to do about the problem in the future. That will be sorted in time, one painful piece of legislation after another. The real problem is first of all, how to establish, beyond question, which players have used steroids in the past, how much they used, how much that use benefited those playes and how to prove any of it.

Let's take Barry Bonds for example. If Conte and Giambi and others come rushing forth to confess and implicate Bonds but Bonds continues to assert that he's never used steroids, what, other than speculation and damage to his legacy can be established? There is no solid means of proving that Bonds used steroids if he has but refuses to admit it, much in the same way there is no way of disproving that he did if he didn't actually use them and no one believes him anyway.

And even if Bonds confessed to using steroids and even details how long and how much, how then can it be determined precisely what degree he was assisted by steroids? Would he have hit 45, 50 or 12 instead of 73 homers in 2001? Would he have 550 or 417 career homers instead of 704? Would he have, like Mark McGwire, already retired out of frustration over injury and pain?

And who would Bonds have hurt more by steroid use, himself or baseball? So far, the only big name synonymous with steroid use is Jason Giambi and as a result, his every accomplishment is being hauled out before the court of public opinion and called into question. This doesn't even consider whatever permanent physical damage he's done to himself already.

Let's face it, the accusations are out there and short of confessions, baseball will never be able to prove that its stars did or didn't take steroids to enhance their game and nor will baseball ever be able to prove to what degree such enhancements effected baseball itself. This scandal doesn't destroy baseball nor does it ruin it's integrity, but for the moment, baseball has been kicked in the balls and lies writhing in pain on the ground.

First things first: The Giambis will have to be the first sacrificial lambs for the wolves of the indignant righteousness of the media and the fans. Would lifetime bans for the pair suffice? Of course, such a punishment would not exactly induce any other players to come forward so perhaps a general baseball amnesty (setting aside for the moment whatever legal recourse there will be for prosecutors), would be more appropriate. Come forward now and confess your steroid use, allow the fans of baseball themselves to judge whether they think your cheating merits discrediting the accomplishments of your entire careers and begin a lifetime ban for anyone using steroids in baseball thereafter.

As a fan, I don't feel "cheated" by the cheating of other players using steroids. If Bonds' entire body is made up of one giant human growth hormone, in fact, I'd be a little relieved, as it would begin to explain why he has been so much better than everyone else in baseball. I don't want my money back for tickets I bought that helped pay the salaries of steroid sluggers I went to see play in baseball stadiums around America. I don't want records erased or asterisks affixed to any homerun records - fans can figure out for themselves what is and isn't merited in the paen of great homerun hitters. I don't want endless debates about championships that should be taken away, moments that would have never happened, the stigmatisation of every homerun that travels more than 500 feet in the future.

I want every possible remedy undertaken to ascertain who took steroids and who didn't so those who have been clean can be recognised as such and those who weren't can be villified as such. And this, as we all know, should be accomplished as quickly as possible, the heart of the matter cut out and offered up to the gods of baseball and then for the love of baseball, let's put it behind us and get back to the things about baseball that we love the most.

The one benefactor in all this swirl of this controversy is the strikeout. The strikeout has always been the arch-nemesis of the slugger. And now, steroids and homeruns virtually synonymous, it is time for the power pitchers who for the time being anyway, appear to be free of steroid accusations one and all, to reclaim their place at the top of the pantheon of baseball and be recognised as the demon slayers that they have become.

So, if you're a fan of deliciously ironic twists, on the day this controversy swirls around baseball calling into question every homerun hit over the last decade, Babe Ruth's spector looms above like a reminder of the good ole days when even fat men with spindly legs could hit homeruns like no one in history. Naturally it was yesterday that The Babe's Bat Was Sold for $1,260,000 at Auction. How apropos.

*****

Lastly, as studiously pointed out by Astro Mike, my assertion in yesterday's column that Dan Brouthers and his .342 lifetime batting average weren't in the Hall of Fame was just plain wroooooong. Here is his HOF plaque to prove it.

Mike also offered that Pete Browning, my other example of high average hitters who didn't make it to the HOF "was one of the worst fielders in baseball history. He erred almost one out of every ten balls that came his way...For years, the HOF has had a longstanding historical prejudice and exclusion of the major stars from the fabled American Association, which was virtually a hitter's paradise. So that's the reason why he was never on a Hall ballot...The flaw in Pete's case for the Hall of Fame is just like that for some other baseball immortals of the late 1800's. They played a significant portion of their careers in a league other than the National League."

Thanks again for pointing that out, Mike, well spotted. And apologies to all those members of the Brouthers family who read my columns religiously.