NFL

Week One's Impressions:

What is the significance of the majority of road teams winning last week? Is this a new trend or a stuttering blip on reality to be redeemed in the coming months? Recent trends indicate that trends like home teams suddenly losing at home and road teams suddenly playing on the road are in fact, nothing but trends, momentary illusions discovered when scientists dig too deep into anamolies or when some one pulls off a butterfly's wings to stop them from flapping in China and makes a soup out of them.

This week's home teams are Miami, Minnesota, Cincinnati, Chicago, Indy, Green Bay, Philly, Baltimore, Atlanta, Seattle, San Francisco, Denver, Jets, San Diego, Dallas and Jacksonville. At least ten of those are likely to win perhaps temporarily forestalling the sturm und drang the hommies experienced last week.

NOT surprising in Week One were the Iggles and Ravens, both of whom Sports Amnesia touted as surprise division winners. We not know much but when we guess right on that rare occasion, we're sure going to let you know about it.

Not bloody likely to improve on Week One are the Rams (unconvinced that they're victory over the traditionally slow-starting Broncos was anything but a mirage,) the Saints (beating the Browns is no reason to exhale,) and the Vikings (good road win but hey, who was really projecting anything but doom for the Skins after their horrific preseason?)

But when you think about it, what does the first week mean anyway? Think about last season when Jacksonville beat Seattle 26-14 yet the Seahawks ended up in the Super Bowl, New Orleans beat Carolina 23-20 and Carolina nearly made it to the Super Bowl whilst the Saints er, um...and finally, who could forget Miami's 34-10 pasting of Denver in the first week of 2005? Clearly the Broncos begin play a week later than their schedule indicates.

The biggest loss of the weekend was suffered by Randy Gonigam.

Over Labor Day weekend, Gonigam's World Furniture Mall in Plano offered customers free furniture -- up to $10,000 -- if the Chicago Bears shut out the Green Bay Packers in their season opener.

Four quarters, 206 customers and about $300,000 later, Gonigam is still a little shell-shocked.

The biggest win had to be split between Cincy's Carson Palmer and the Jets' Chad Pennington, both of whom had been kindly written off by many and both of whom bounced back brilliantly in leading their teams to perhaps improbable victories. There's still 15 games to go but the money is on Palmer to outlast Pennington if history is any indication.

Honorable mention goes to Jesus-freak Kurt Warner who won Offensive Player of the Week by completing 23 of 37 passes for 301 yards, three touchdowns and no interceptions, posting an NFC Week 1-best 114.8 passer rating. Have your hurrahs now, Kurt because injury is just a step away and that kid from USC, Matt Leinart is waiting in the wings. (But according to pundits, Tony Romo will get a starting job quicker...Tony Romo - wasn't that Andy Kaufman's alter-ego?)

Good news for drink drivers: Koren Robinson was signed by Green Bay after being cut by the Vikings for being charged with drunken driving. With the paucity of offense demonstrated by the Packers and the fast-waning talents of Brett Favre on display, Robinson's year might have just gotten worse, if that's possible.

Onward to this week's games:

Buffalo at Miami (-6 1/2) - Bills played over their heads and the Dolphins under theirs last week. I think even the rocket scientists are wagering on this one. Pick: Miami

Carolina at Minnesota (+2) - They say the Panthers are worried already with debilitating injuries and drowned expectations but I say it's waaaaay to early to write off everyone's favourite preseason favourite. Pick: Carolina.

Cleveland at Cincinnati (-10 1/2): Now that Carson Palmer has silenced all the skeptics about whether or not he still wants to take a hit and won't collapse in the pocket like a skittish colt at the first sign of pressure, all the poor predictions for the Bengals are thrown out the window. Hell, I might even make them Super Bowl co-favourites. Pick: Cincinnati.

Detroit at Chicago (-8 1/2): The sneaking suspicions I have are that the Bears are nowhere near as good as their 26-0 victory over the Packers indicates and the Griese Kid will be starting before the end of the month because everyone knows the lifespan of a Rex Grossman season is shorter the incubation period of Salmonella. Pick: Detroit.

Houston at Indianapolis (-13 1/2): It's probably already been said a million times by all twenty Texans fans but wow, what a stupid move not picking Reggie Bush. That's one they'll be telling their grand kids, like the time Mike Ditka traded like 20 years worth of draft picks to the Redskins for the rights to Ricky Williams. Pick: Indianapolis.

New Orleans at Green Bay (-2): Things are B.A.D in Green Bay if they give less than a field goal spread at home against the pathetic Saints. I'm giving Brett Favre one more week before he's off to the glue factory. My prediction is that this week at least, he'll throw more touchdowns than interceptions. Pick: Green Bay.

N.Y. Giants at Philadelphia (-3): The Giants are going to have to win at least one of this opening trio of tough games if they are to salvage a losing season before it's barely even started. The question is are the Iggles the more likely team they'll do it against? Keep peaking, Giants fans. Seattle is just around the corner. Pick: Philadephia.

Oakland at Baltimore (-11): What?! The spread isn't twelve touchdonws?! Didn't anyone watch either of these teams last week? The Ravens looking 2001 cocky, the Raiders looking like a board game without any pieces? Pick: Ravens.

Tampa Bay at Atlanta (-5 1/2): I dunno what it is but I just hate Atlanta. Maybe it's the city, maybe it's the South, maybe it's their wishbone quarterback or their confederate flags. That doesn't mean Phil Simms' kid can't bomb again but I just can't bring myself to pick the Falcons in any game, no matter the spread simply because I don't want to have to root for them some week just to win the weekly office pool. Pick: Tampa Bay, outright.

Arizona at Seattle (-7): This may be the game we've been waiting for. Kurt Warner's TKO. Yes, sportsfans, with both teams 1-0, this is the first Battle of the NFC West. Pick: Arizona.

St. Louis at San Francisco (+3): This excitement in St Louis about an alleged Rams juggernaut is like a teenager kid having his first orgasm. It'll all be over they know it. Pick: San Fransisco.

Kansas City at Denver (-11): In a way, I'm rooting for the collapse of the Broncos simply because it would mean not having to be blinded by Mike Shanahan's pearl white teeth in the playoffs. But the Chiefs are coached by a guy who specialised in disappointing fans in New York. This Kansas City tour is just a pit stop on the way to a future career as an assistant. Pick: Denver.

New England at N.Y. Jets (+6): It's difficult to imagine the protogé outsmarting the professor so early on in his internship, especially since the Patriots didn't seem to answer any questions against Buffalo last week and still have something to prove. I'm still amazed how such a successful guy who can be an NFL head coach before 40 can have the belly of a 60 year old. Charlie Weiss kind of belly. What was Bellichick feeding those assistants over there? A steady diet of syrup and candy? Pick: Jets.

Tennessee at San Diego (-12): You know the season is lost when you're hiring Kerry Collins ten minutes before the season starts to be your starting quarterback. It's that kind of preparation that earns Number One picks in the NFL draft. Pick: San Diego.

Washington at Dallas (-6): I've got an ugly feeling about this game being a massive blowout and the TO Show scoring like, 3 touchdowns. In fact, if I had a fantasy team, I'd have TO on my team this week just because no matter how much I hate him, it's his stats I'm rooting for, not the man. Pick: Dallas.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

Pittsburgh at Jacksonville (+1): Don't you sometimes find yourself wishing, in the course of a Monday Night game that LT had smashed Joe Theisman's larynx instead of his leg? Banality at it's finest. Look, the Steelers have had like an extra half week's rest, haven't they? The World Champs on rest? Is this another no-brainer? Pick: Pittsburgh.

Last week: A spectacularly mediocre 10-8.

*****

Beisball

With the postseason fast approaching speculation swirls about another Subway Series.



Don't look now, but Greg Maddux is looking vintage for a night. Outdueling Boomer in the battle of pitchers aged like cheese. I'll admit it, I don't like the NL West. I don't care how close the race gets or how many teams are involved at the end in the fight. The Dodgers, Padres and Giants are all ghosts in the corridors of the season and rooting for any of them is a painful process. Still, in a season of National League inferiority, perhaps it will be fitting to crown an NL Champ out of the Lagoon of the West.

The races being what they always are, unpredictable and finicky to favourites, Sports Amnesia has endeavoured to see through the muddle and mire to present the favourites to make it to the post season.

Postseason predictions:
AL East- Yankees
AL Central - Tigers
AL West - A's
AL WC - Twins

NL East - Mets
NL Central - Cardinals
NL West - Dodgers
NL WC- Phillies

Of the 11 NL wild-card teams, seven won their Division Series, five won the pennant and two (1997, 2003 Marlins) won the World Series. Quite a legacy to uphold but it would mean knocking down the Mets in the first round, a tall order.

If you wish to project at home, here is the remaining schedule.