Top Three Shocking Things About NFL Sunday

Everyone's Got A Win. Finally.


Must be time for Warren to fire up the bong

Sadly the Raiders' first victory of the season, quieting all those Schadenfreudists who were praying for 0-16, wasn't very surprising when you come right down to it, no matter how bad they are. The Cardinals were coming off a demoralising Monday Night loss with a rookie QB and every week that passes clarifies that Dennis Green is no miracle worker. He's just another fat guy with a bad temper.


Quickest route to Loserville? Seneca Wallace, QB.

Vikings Over Seahawks in Seattle. Only because the Seahawks were supposed to be invicinceable at home and the Vikings haven't overwhelmed with talent. Matt Hasselbeck going down with a knee injury (only a sprain) doesn't explain complete collapse of Seahawk defence. The good thing about this, other than another Seahawk loss, is that it unveils the hideous falsehood of Seahawk homefield advantage.


Thanking good fate they aren't 0-6

Tampa Bay sending Philly to another road loss - Maybe this shouldn't be surprising considering Tampa were considered a Super Bowl candidate (albeit a darkhorse) before everyone wrote them off and really, was losing Simms such a big loss? Apparently not. This was the Ronde Barber show as the Buccaneers scored a pair of touchdowns on interception returns by him. Not a great Buccaneer offence, but sufficient. Hard to say if the Bucs are Back (SCHEDULE) or that the Philly's were KO'd since their rematch against TO (two consecutive road losses won't pull the plug on the season)- what are the chances of losing to a 62 yard field goal? But for a second straight week the Iggles poorly managed the clock and it cost them. Stay out of the South, Philly!


Hey look, another photo of Herm Edwards talking out of his arse - wait no! That's his face!

Top Ranked Defence Exposed - The concern about San Diego's fast start and tough defence was that it had been achieved against the patsies of the NFL. Even their impressive loss to the Ravens was clouded by the historic inability of the Ravens to find their own endzone, discover an offence. (OFFENCE AGAINST FOR VICTORIES BY CHARGERS) That KC dismantled this myth at home with Herm the Worm showing KC fans how good he is at hitting bottom and coming back up.

Crazy finish in Atlanta, wasn't it? Although the first half didn't match the second for scoring (attributable to lousy defences, not Big Ben's concussion) Pitt 2-4, Atlanta 4-2)

Who the hell are the Jags? They've beaten the Cowboys, Steelers and Jets by a cumulative 77-17 margin. They almost beat the Colts and suffered an inexplicable loss to the Deadskins. Every sign pointed to them being a playoff team and a tough team at that so how does Houston crush them?

Denver has now faced four of its own former 1,000 yard rushers in games (Clinton Portis, Olandis Gary, Mike Anderson and now Droughns), and has never lost to those players. (courtesy Gil Brandt

TOP FIVE

1. Two-Headed Hydra of Chicago and Denver -both have great defences handicapped by dodgy QBs but

3. Indianapolis Colts - They have now replaced the Patriots as the team I hate the most in the NFL. Consistently great playing in games that don't matter and consistent chokers in the playoffs. Who cares what they do in the regular season?

4. San Diego - the loss to KC was a temporary blip on the screen - they won't cough up the ball three times in the first quarter very many more times this season and without those three turnovers, they would have beaten the Chiefs and no one would be worrying them about this.

5. New Orleans/New England? - The home team would win this game so on a neutral field, the nod goes to the Pats.

BOTTOM FEEDING FIVE (from worst to least-worst)

Arizona
Oakland
Miami
Detroit
Tennessee/Houston?

I caught this snippet from Starbucks King on SI:

This is more like Jim Brown, who walked away in 1965 to make movies and to try to do some good in the world. Barber has had enough of the regimentation and the silly rules (reporting at 8:23 for an 8:30 meeting because you have to be early with the Giants to be on time) and, quite frankly, the physical pain.

In the normal sequence of things, I don't give a toss that Tiki Barber is retiring nor am I slightly curious as to why. But the one thing that caught my eye was an adult millionaire man being subjected to the idea of reporting at 8:23 for an 8:30 meeting because you have to be early with the Giants to be on time. I'd heard Tom Coughlin was an arsehole but there is the proof. And the frightening thing is that collective misery seems to work.

So I'm rooting against the Giants the rest of the season simply because Tom Coughlin is an asshole, his ideas are the ideas of assholes and his success would justify his asshole life and asshole ideas. SO LOSE GIANTS, LOSE!