Week 16 - XMAS EDITION



Let's face it. After 16 weeks of football we are no closer to knowing who has the best chance of making it to the Super Bowl, let alone who will win it. On the one hand you could say that it is exciting not knowing from one week to the next who is going to show up, who will be up and who will be down, who will upset who and who will be upset in the most absurd of final scorelines.

On the other hand you could bemoan the glory days of unbeatens and powerhouses that could be glorified. It all started with the Patriots, in my opinion. They won three Super Bowls by what, a total of about 10 points, overpowering no one but dully, supernaturally good. Not exciting, not fearsome. Just efficient.

And now it culminates this season with a collection of teams who have all taken their turns being held up as the team to beat only to be beaten the following week by nobodies. It's as though the mantle of being the best is a hot potato no one wants to hold.

What has this got to do with xmas? Not a bloody thing but the timing, lads, is all in the peaking. Regardless of who has been favoured this season there is a little team in Pittsburgh sneaking up slowly, just as they did last year before running the table and wouldn't it be appropriate if the Steelers won it all again just after everyone had finished writing them off?

And because I am writing this it must not be true, or if it is, it won't be true for very long because in the NFL, nothing stays constant. Therefore, as a Christmas dediction and considering my losing record thus far this season in predicting the games with the spread, I will use the logic called Pick The Opposite of What You Think and see where it gets us.

Have a good xmas, everyone.


THOYSDAY NIGHT

GREEN BAY (-3) vs. Minnesota - Vikings humiliated at home last week to the Jets, Packers beating the Lions predictably. Vikings just about drowned playoff hopes. This is an easy one. Pick: Vikings.

SATURDAY NIGHTS ALRIGHT FOR SLEEPING

Kansas City (-4½) vs. OAKLAND - Da Rayduhs have been one of the few predictable teams in the NFL this season. Bad, badder, worse, all season long save for a short blip of about two weeks when they won a game and almost looked respectable. This should be a no brainer but it's being played against a no-brainer, Chiefs coach Herm Edwards who we Jets fans thank the Football Gods every week abandoned us and made way for the now heavily worshipped Mister Mangini. If there's a bad decision to be made, Herm will be there to make it but will his poor judgement be enough to sabotage his team against one of the NFL's most stable laughingstocks? Pick: Chiefs.

THE ANTICIPATION OF PLAYOFFS BUILDING

PITTSBURGH (-3½) vs. Baltimore - History does not repeat itself, kids. Only in the world of bad decisions and human nature, not in the NFL. Well, not like this where a team comes out of nowhere for a second season in a row to run the table and win the Super Bowl. Nope. And the Ravens are the sneakiest best team in the NFL there is. Nobody's picking them, no one has picked them all season. Some people even still think they want to call them the Colts. So the Steelers are on a roll, playing at home with everything on the line. Must be the Ravens will win by 30 points. Pick: Ravens.


ATLANTA (-6½) vs. Carolina - Here's another one. Have the Panthers packed it in already? They're out of the playoffs (well, in the NFC, anything is possible since no one really wants those wild cards...) and they've just been humiliated at home by the defending World Champions. The Falcons this season thus far have won two, lost won. Won one, lost one. Won two, lost four. Won two again and then lost last week again. This is a discernable pattern. Like hearing Michael Vick in the washing machine. Pick: Carolina.


Chicago (-4½) vs. DETROIT - Ok, the Rayduhs aren't the NFL's only worst team. The Lions have a laughingstock history almost as rich and at least Al Davis can point to one or two Super Bowl trophies. The best the Lions can do is host a Super Bowl. Of course the Bears on the other hand should have beaten the Bucs by 50 last week before myseriously throwing in the towel only to pull it back like a rug from beneath the Tampa Bay feet in OT. The Lions just plain suck and are virtually immune to the up and down nature of this season. I hate to go with the obvious, but, Pick: Da Bears.

Indianapolis (-9) vs. HOUSTON - This, we would say is another no brainer. Just a few weeks ago the Colts had everyone's head spinning with laughter at their sudden plunge into the cold depths of mediocrity. Then they besmirch the rising tide of Bengals supporters by playing like they have in every other week the last 3 years that weren't weeks during which playoff games fall. Combine that with the fact that David Carr is rapidly becoming the Chris Weinke of his NFL generation and this looks like a bloooooooow out, lads. Which is why it can't be. Pick: Houston!

JACKSONVILLE (-3) vs. New England - One of the seasons best stories is Belichick's Bullies suddenly looking mortal. It's been a slow season and a half coming but that loss to the Dolphins two weeks ago sealed it. Don't worry about last week's drubbing of Houston. It was Houston, after all. Jags, well they trounce the Colts one week, lose to the Titans the next. It's all very predictable, you see. Pick: Jacksonville.

N.Y. GIANTS (-3) vs. New Orleans - This is a tough one. The best matchup of the week, methinks. Both teams suffered humiliating losses last week, no one is on the upswing even though two weeks ago, they were both harbouring delusions of grandeur. Drew Brees is not the NFL's MVP despite all the ridiculous chants for him over LT. Drew Brees is merely the beneficiary of a very long and drawn out karmic episode of first you got it really bad, New Orleans then, inexplicably, you've got it really good. Pick: Giants.

CLEVELAND (-3) vs. Tampa Bay - The Who Cares Bowl. Simply by virtue of almost upsetting the Bears, a feat in a remarkably dull season for the Bucs that registers as almost good enough, the Bucs are probably on the downswing again. Pick: Cleveland.

BUFFALO (-4½) vs. Tennessee - This one is a real head-scratcher. Both teams coming off big upsets both looking like teams on the upswing. One will disappoint. The Titans have won five in a row, the Bills, four of their last five. That means the Titans will lose because NOBODY wins six in a row in the NFL save for the Chargers. Pick: Buffalo.

ST. LOUIS (-2½) vs. Washington - The Redskins have had two highlights this season - the last second victory over the Cowboys and the win over the Saints that surprised even the Redskins. Every time you think the Redskins are a decent team (and believe me, that takes a helluva lot of imagination,) the Redskins roar back like a gang of crippled mice. Pick: St Louis.

SAN FRANCISCO (-4) vs. Arizona - For most of the season the Cardinals spent their time battling the Lions and Rayduhs for the worst team in the NFL status. The 49ers on the other hand, the laughingstocks the last two or three seasons running, are working their way up to nearly respectable. The key element here is the 49ers upset victory over the Seahawks in Seattle. That must mean they are headed for a downswing. Pick: Arizona.

DENVER (-1) vs. Cincinnati - America's Most Arrested Team did a good job convincing us they were on the upswing with several convincing performances in a row right after we'd got done writing them off. The Broncos well, what are they, changing quarterbacks in midseason? All I know is I don't want to have to witness another postseason wearing sunglasses to keep Mike Shanahan's teeth from blinding me and if they win this one, they're in the playoffs. So pray. Pick: Bengals.

San Diego (-3) vs. SEATTLE - This one, we say, is a no-brainer. Seattle has disappointed all season and the Chargers have been virtually immune to the rest of the league's inability to stay upright more than a few weeks in a row. The Chargers are everyone's pick for everything. Thus, this is my upset pick of the week. Pick: Seattle.

Monday night

TWO Monday night games, who is kidding whom? Oh right, it's Christmas. All the more reason to have TWO games on a Monday night.

DALLAS (-6½) vs. Philadelphia - Good Lawd, if you thought last week's NFC East bloodbath was big, an almost single elimination playoff in the toughest division, get excited about this one even more. Here's the clincher: Tony Romo, the accolades for whom have made me literally sick to my stomach several times this season, the man everyone is shoving each other to get first in line to say MEME, I PREDICTED HIS GREATNESS FIRST, is going up against a guy who is everyone's second choice as QB in Philly. Question is, how much does Jeff Garcia look like a 1972 Earl Morrell? Well, not much but in a matchup of heralded versus reviled QBs, the underenthused will prevail. Pick: Iggles.

N.Y. Jets (+2) vs MIAMI - Easy does it now. The Jets have surprised everyone including their most ardent supporters. The Dolphins have disappointed an even greater sum. The Dolphins upset the Pats one week and then lose by an almost equal margin against the Bills no less. In the scheme of ups and downs, the Jets are do for a down, the Dolphins due for an up. Pick: Miami.

Last week: 7-9 (following a predictable pattern)
Season: 102-116-4