American League Preview

Serious pennant races in the AL East and West. Serious races for the AL All Star Shortstop. Serious races for the wildcard. And best yet, Nomah stinkin Rally Monkey!


BEST CHANCE TO ADVANCE:

NY Yankees: The first thing I notice about the Yankees, with a bit of glee in fact, is that their bullpen has been squandered and is in disarray. Yeahyeah, they've got Mariano, but Mariano's got a cranky groin (ugh), just like last season and he's starting off the season on the DL. Taking his place will be Juan Acevedo. All you need to know about Juan Acevedo is that he was the closer for the Detroit Tigers last year and he has a career 4.16 ERA. He's so good the Tigers didn't even want him so the Yankees were able to sign him to a minor league contract. More genius bullpen moves by GM Brian Cashman: Dump Ramiro Mendoza and Mike Stanton. Sign Chris Hammond and his shoulder injury, watch Steve Karsay suffer another shoulder injury, sign Antonio Osuna, a piker with a 3.86 bullpen ERA last year for the White Sox. Pick up Acevedo from the dregs of the Tigers and whew, call it a day. Cashman is my hero. He destroyed the bullpen almost single-handedly.

Fortunately for him, because George Steinbrenner would buy Satan if the Red Sox wanted him first, the Yankees still have 5, perhaps 6 very good starters. They also have a very gruesome hitting lineup. I get the willies looking at it. Soriano, Jeter, Giambi, Williams, Matsui, Posada, etc. Worse still, Reggie Jackson appears to have straightened out Raul Mondesi. There are holes here and there but not many.

Boston Red Sox: Despite Pedro's big mouth, I like this team. I like them even though half the positions will be filled "by committee". There's the closer by committee that everyone already knows about. Then first base by committe between Millar, Ortiz and Giambi. Then perhaps a third base by committee between Hillenbrand and on cloudy days, Mueller. And of course, DH by committee between whoever else isn't starting on the field that game. I like that. The Boston Platoon Sox. Grady Little and the Boston Platoon Sox. What a great little jazz combo. Nomah will fight it out with Jason Giambi all season for MVP while Manny Ramirez just emasculates pitchers, over and over again.

Oakland A's: The three questions are: How will they do without Howe? Will all of The Big Three (Zito, Hudson and Mulder) stay healthy? Did Billy Beane FINALLY make a mistake by trading Billy Koch and getting Keith Foulke in return? Answer one: Howe's bonehead pitching staff moves cost the A's a chance to make it to the World Series last season so no, he won't be missed. Answer two: Yes, all three will be healthy but Mulder, not Zito, will be their ace by the end of the year. Answer three: Getting rid of Koch means far fewer late innings of high drama as Koch walks the first two batters he faces before he strikes out the side. Foulke is not an exciting closer but he'll do.

Minnesota Twins: Here's a crazy thought: Picking up Kenny Rogers at the last minute to replace the injured Eric Milton might have saved the Twins' season. The best off season move by any team in the minors was when the Rochester Red Wings dumped the Baltimore Orioles as their AAA parent team and hooked up with the Minnesota Twins. Wow. That's like divorcing Roseanne Barr and marrying Jennie Finch. The Minnesota Twins have unlimited supplies of great players in their minor league system and combined with a stunningly good bullpen, the Twins can continue to give Commissioner-For-Life Bud Selig the collective finger.

Women And Children First:

Detroit Tigers: Worst team by far in the AL. Starting pitching led by a trio called is Sad, Sadder and Saddest. Bullpen is decent but who is going to save a game when you're down 13-4 in the 8th every night and even the hot dog vendors have already run home in terror? However, the Tigers are "on their way up". By 2013, they should make it to fourth place.

Toronto Blue Jays: Suprised to see yourself so far gone? I know, I know, in the cosmic order of the universe, everyone picks them THIRD. The Blue Jays separate the milk from the cream, the Yankees and Red Sox from viral diseases like the Orioles and Devil Rays...Well, I'm not buying it. Other than Shannon Stewart and Roy Halladay, this is a AAA team managed by a man named Carlos Tosca. Am I the only one outside of Canada asking myself, WHO? Tosca? Wasn't that an opera? Oh yeah, Puccini on first, Angelotti on second and Cavaradossi on third. it sounds beautiful but remember, in the Third Act, the chick leaps to her death. Doesn't bode well. Yes, I know Mr. Tosca managed the Jays to a miraculous 58-51 record as an interim manager last season but check out this downward spiral since 1998: The Jays' winning percentage has been: .543, .519, .512, .494 and last year: .481.

Tampa Bay: Poor Lou Piniella. Instead of a grand return to New York to manage the Mets, he ends up in a sink hole like Tampa Bay. Instead of managing Mike Piazza, Tom Glavine, Al Leiter, Roberto Alomar and Cliff Floyd, he's stuck with Stooopid Rey Ordonez. Bright spot? Keep an eye on Rocco Baldelli, their #1 pick in 2000. That, and the fact that Tropicana Stadium is now being billed as "The Ballpark of the 21st Century" on their website. Now that is something to be proud of.

Kansas City Royals: Hey, they're KILLING everyone in spring training this year. They're 17-6 in games that don't matter. Enjoy it now Royals fans. Mike Sweeney is one of the best first basemen in the American League. Enjoy him now Royals fans. Enjoy Carlos Beltran and Joe Randa now, while you can Royals fans and then turn out the lights, grateful that at least you don't live in Detroit, the only circle of hell higher than being a Tigers fan.

Baltimore Orioles: What does it mean when your bright spot of the off season was getting Buck Martinez to be the color man for your broadcasts? That tells you all you need know about the Orioles this year. Well, it might be exciting to have the best closer in the AL East. Jorge Julio, if the Orioles can stay close in a few games this year, might be worth the wait. That and the opportunity to watch Jay Gibbons and Tony Batista attempt to offset the breeze blowing in from the Inner Harbor with the gale force winds created by their gargantuan whiffs at the plate.

Two Managers With Unreasonable Tasks: Buck Showalter tries to micromanage the Rangers out of last place in a division that has no weaknesses. Lou Piniella tries to manage the Devil Rays out of last place by subverting the laws of physics.

Team I Will Root For Even Though They Haven't Got A Prayer: Cleveland Indians: very close to being a AAA Allstar team. The Indians will be back on the warpath in another year. Josh Bard, Travis Hafner, Brandon Phillips, Casey Blake and Ricardo Rodriguez are all future stars.

Team I Will Root Against No Matter What, Not Even If God Promises To Disembowel George Steinbrenner Before My Very Eyes: New York Yankees. Joe Torre is the most overrated manager on planet Earth.

Team I Will Root Against When The Yankees Aren't Playing: Anaheim Angels. Gimme a break. Gene Autry? Rally Monkey? Disney? Last season's World Series was an emotional scar on the collective subconscious of the universe. The Angels won't even smell the playoffs again for another decade.

Most Interesting Individual Battle: Allstar voting for AL Shortstop. I don't care if he makes more than George Steinbrenner, A-Rod is the best shortstop in baseball, bar none. He's a trillionaire, he's one of baseball's best players and his hero is Cal Ripken. Give the guy some credit. He could have ended up like another former #1 pick: Darryl Strawberry. Instead, he's humble, talented and hell, for my money, he's the Arky Vaughn of the 21st century.

Predictions:
AL East: Boston, NYY, Baltimore, Tampa Bay, Toronto
AL Central: Minnesota, Chicago White Sox, Cleveland, Kansas City, Detroit
AL West: Oakland, Seattle, Anaheim, Texas.

AL Champs: NY Yankees

First Manager Fired: Carlos Tosca.

MVP: Nomah Garciaparra

Cy Young: Pedro Martinez