BELTRAN IS OURS!!

Although it's already covered over at Archie Bunker's Army, it doesn't hurt to allow it to reverberate in the ears. The most sought-after free agent in baseball, Carlos Beltran has signed with the Mets!

Although no time to shout Ding Dong the Witch is Dead just yet, there are still holes to plug on this leaky Met vessel, this is a huge step towards the Mets leaving behind these last several years of mediocrity.

The Era of Omar has begun with a series of bangs and the baseball world has a new bank in town. The Wilpons.

Well done.

*****

It would be rather remiss of me to miss this golden opportunity to gloat over correctly hunching that The Vikings would upset the Packers. Normally I'm not one for patting myself on the back, especially since it was little more than a lucky hunch and certainly no indication of expertise, but my earlier prediction of Vikes over the Pack was met with a great deal of derision and it's only fitting that I take a small paragraph to say, aha!

Even the Star Tribune, the hometown paper, only gave them A Snowball's Chance.

In any case, yes, the Vikings Upset the Pack 31-17 thereby becoming the third road team of the playoffs and the second 8-8 team in NFL history to win.

Randy Moss, after listening to everyone's rubbish about leaving the field last week in a lost game, scored two touchdowns despite a bum leg and Buckwheat haircut. Yeah, just look. Buckwheat.

Moss' critics included a "grilling" by the idiotic and hypocritical Jimmy Johnson, an overrated coach who would never have succeeded in the NFL were in not for the idiotic trade the Vikings once made with his Cowboys for Herschel Walker that stocked the Cowboys roster for years to come.

Before he interviewed Moss last week, Fox studio analyst Jimmy Johnson called the Vikings receiver the "most misunderstood player in the league." He said the reaction to Moss' walking off the field early against Washington was overblown.

But then in his "grilling" of Moss that aired Sunday, told Moss he made a mistake leaving early.

So which is it Mr PermaHair who can't form a coherent opinion that doesn't depend on ratings?

Apparently, it was all the ratings folks fault. They must have wanted the "grilling" and like a dog for a biscuit, Johnson rolled over. When Johnson was asked if he would want Moss on his team, he said "I would with some hesitation, only if he would try, try to change his attitude. And the chances of that are pretty slim." In other words, like any other sane coach in the NFL, you take Randy Moss, warts and all, because he's the most dangerous receiver in football.

Lest you think this was my only gripe about the coverage, which I watched yesterday courtesy of Sky Sports Xtra, I couldn't help but cringe over the hysterically overblown nerd, Joe Buck, who practically lost his voice criticising Moss after he beat cornerback Al Harris for the Vikings last TD and pantomimed a moon at the Packers' fans adjacent to the end zone.

"He shoots the moon to the fans here in Green Bay," analyst Cris Collinsworth astutely points out like a rocket scientist of pointing out the obvious, as Moss' taunt was shown live.

Then Buck started his unforgiveable tirade.

"That is a disgusting act by Randy Moss," Buck said. "I think it's unfortunate that we had that on our air live. That is disgusting by Randy Moss."

First of all, who in the world gives a fig about Joe Buck's sense of morality. Or wait, was he more afraid that the Moral Crusaders of Television were going to start complaining about a harmless pantomime offending their delicate Christian sensibilities?

Second of all, since when is something like mooning, or geez, not even mooning, but pantomiming mooning a "disgusting act"? Exposing his genitals to the crowd would have been a "disgusting act". Pretending to moon the crowd and his critics in general is immature, but it certainly isn't anything plenty of young men haven't done at some point or another in their lives - it's harmless even when it's actually done and even more harmless when merely pantomimed. Really. Get a grip, Joe Buck. And keep your moralistic outrage to yourself, you're a football announcer for crissakes. You get paid to cover games that are sponsored by the sale of sex and beer, cars and computer technology. You're not paid to teach Sunday school. Let's remember that.

*****

The other news, hardly shocking to anyone, was that the Colts crushed the Broncos 49-24. Let's face it, at halftime with the score already 35-3, the Colts properly weren't very motivated for the second half and the final score, if the Colts had really been pissed off about all the smack the Broncos defence talked all week about how the Colts were basically afraid of physical football, probably could have been something more along the lines of 70-3.

And frankly, the Colts couldn't pour on enough points in my opinion. The classless cheapshot by John Lynch the week before led to a $75000 fine and a week's worth of rubbish-talking by the Broncos, who insinuated at every turn that the Colts receivers were pussies who would collapse if they were shoved around a little.

I have to admit, I predicted a 31-3 Colts victory and I wanted to see worse. I mean really, what NFL receiver, as tough as they have to be to go over the middle and get slammed by headhunters yet still catch passes, is going to allow "tough talk" to take them out of their game? Manning had a record 360 yards and three TDs at the half and hey, somebody had to catch those passes, even if they were scared of the big bad Broncos. Ha.

It was so lopsided, it was almost like a Super Bowl.

*****

So now we know the Divisional playoffs:

Saturday:

Jets at Steelers, which will be the most physical game of the four.
Rams at Falcons, which will be the fastest game of the four.

Sunday:

Vikings at Eagles, which will the ugliest game of the four.
Colts at Patriots (let's see how many times you'll hear Patriot fans repeating this: Since Peyton Manning took over at quarterback, the Colts have lost nine of 11 to New England, including five in a row.) which will provide the most exciting matchup of the four.

Forecasts to follow.