The Birds That Scared The NFL

With one "bird" team in the Eagles already in the Super Bowl this season, will the floodgates now open for copycat birds?

Well, it will if the Arizona Cardinals have anything to say about it. Marred and ruled by years of terrible ownership and assorted buffoonery, the Cardinals have decided the changing the bird on their helmets from an unintimidating and sweet little Cardinal into one more "menacing" will perhaps scare opponents into losing and launch them into the Super Bowl next season.

If this isn't the most pathetic stab at remaking a loser, I don't know what is.

Here you can see the old and the new side by side.

The old Cardinal looks a little angry, or perhaps annoyed is closer to the mark. But the NEW Cardinal is bigger, has a pointier crest, a deeper furrow in the brow and instead of a crooked, goofy beak, has a sharp, straight beak which shows it means business.

But whose kidding who here? It's a CARDINAL for crissakes! Not exactly striking terror in anyone's hearts.

What if they'd gone for the Cardinal's hat instead, perhaps striking fear in all those who fear Catholicism or paedophelia?

I don't care how angry you make a Cardinal look, even if he's got human flesh in his craw, I'm not going to be scared of a Cardinal. Why not go for an entire makeover and rename themselves the Terradactyles instead? I mean look at this terrifying prehistoric creature, would you?!

Although I'm a bit sceptical about this makeover and whatever effect it will have on the plight of the Arizona Cardinals, their QB Josh McCown is already convinced:

"The only birds I know about are the duck and the dove and the quail,birds that you shoot," the Cardinals quarterback said. "You're not really supposed to shoot cardinals. I don't know if I'd shoot this bird. It looks pretty mean. This bird might pull a gun out and shoot right back at you."

Now really, if you want to look at the source of the Cardinals problems, maybe you might start with having a starting QB who believes a bird could pull out a gun and shoot him. This isn't fantasy football, after all.

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Drinking Funny Water Or The Taste of Sour Grapes?

The Pittsburgh Pirates managing general partner, Kevin McClatchy, whinged ad nauseum yesterday at other baseball owners for a return of free-agent spending that he fears may steer some clubs close to bankruptcy.

McClatchy, the new guru of fiscal sanity, warned of a growing division between big-payroll and small-market clubs that could lead to contentious owners meetings and a much-harder stance during the next labor negotiations.

"I don't know what happened, maybe they drank some funny water, but they all decided they were back on the binge," McClatchy said. "When somebody goes out and pays an average pitcher $7 million a year, then anybody who's an average pitcher says they need $7 million a year. That's very difficult, and when you're giving pitchers $18 million in arbitration, that also makes it difficult."

What makes Pittsburgh a small market team is this kind of small market thinking. Why isn't he out there drumming up support for some sort of regional cable television deal like everyone else who wants to find a source for this binge spending instead of whining about the poor old Pirates being outspent by their smarter colleagues?

The Pirates' payroll ranked ahead of only Cleveland, Tampa Bay and Milwaukee, a little over $40 million. Right above them in spending, a mere $2 million more, were the Florida Marlins, who are one year removed from being World Champions. If the Marlins can compete, why can't the Pirates? Maybe because their team officials are too busy complaining about how much everyone else is paying for their free agents. Why not spend more time scouting young players who can fill their farm system instead of complaining about how much other people are spending on free agents?

Because it's easier to blame other people for your troubles, that's why. When Pirates fans look at the other teams around them shelling out big bucks for stars and turn to their team's ownership wondering why not us, the team's ownership can always blame someone else. They're spending too much! They're crazy! Their drinking funny water!

Gimme a break. If you can't afford to keep up with the big spenders, then figure out other ways to win. Develop young talent, put together a cable tv package, oh, I dunno, why not try a little ingenuity instead of whingeing? As far as I can tell, the history of complaining doesn't really get anyone anywhere. Baseball will spend big money on players, wisely and stupidly. Sometimes, those moves will make a difference and push a team over the top but most times, tossing millions at a problem doesn't solve it and you don't have to look any further than the worst offenders, the Yankees, to see the truth in that.

So stop complaining and start thinking for yourself. Why would Pittsburgh support a team whose ownership pointedly tells them is too unoriginal and too busy complaining to field a competitive team?

Nah, why bother. Why not just complain about what everyone else is doing?

Soso Long Sosa

It is being heavily reported that the Cubs are on the verge of trading Sammy Sosa to the Orioles, finally ridding themselves of the fading clubhouse chancre who was once one of baseball's favourites.

If you're a Cub fan you probably greet this as good news but the undeniable fact is that because they couldn't offload him sooner, they missed out on the Carlos Beltran sweepstakes and will have to comfort themselves with the thought of signing free agent and White Sox reject Magglio Ordoñez instead.

On the other end of the stick, the Orioles got a pretty good deal. From the sounds of it, the Cubs get stuck paying a substantial part of Sosa's $17 million salary this season and the O's are off the hook for any additional obligation after this season. So they get an angry Sosa who seems itching to prove everyone wrong for thinking he is ready for the remainders bin, that he isn't the player he once was and that he will be haunted by alleged steroid use.

On the other hand, the last time the O's made a splashy move like this for a slugger was when they signed Albert Belle as a free agent and look what happened to him.

The bottom line is, the O's get a big drawing card to try and offset the Washington Nationals move into their fan base and don't have to give up much for it.

I suppose the question is, if Sosa turns around now and hits 50 homers and puts up the kind of numbers we all remember him for, will some foolish owner then turn around and overpay for his fading years services based upon one good season of vengeance with the Orioles?

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Speaking of free agents and free spending, now that Carlos Delgado has spurned the Mets and their new Latino world for the Marlins, have a look at the Archie Bunker's Army take on what it means for the Mets.